Embarrassment and Help

If my parents were still around I would have gone to them for help.  But they are gone.  I think the only time I've used the internet for financial help was when my van died and I needed a new one.  And that wasn't necessarily started up by me but by a wonderful triplet Mom friend who I will always be eternally grateful to.  So it is with much embarrassment and humiliation that I now ask for help.  Unemployment still hasn't kicked in but for one week and I'm now 4 weeks out from being laid off.   I do have a job to go to in August but that leaves me being stuck for right now.  My rent at the latest is due on the 15th and I don't have it.  I'm behind on my car payment, LG&E and car insurance with my car tags renewing this month.  That makes me about $1300-$1400 behind.  I have a paypal account set up because in the past I used it for things on ebay.  Some wonderful friends donated some a few weeks back that helped me pay for some things but I am desperate.  If you are able to help my paypal account is under my email address:  k.harrigan@insightbb.com  

If you feel offended by this request, that is fine and I'm sorry.  But I need help.

I'm tired of living this way.   I'm tired of needing help.  I worked my ass off to get us to where we are at but this setback is hard.   I'm hoping to turn things around.  I'm working to turn things around.  In the meantime I need help and if you are able to give it I would appreciate it.  If you feel more comfortable writing a check directly to my bill then I will forward that information to you.  I'm not asking for vacation money, or party money or for my nails.  This is survival money for us to catch up and keep rolling until I start my job in August.

Thanks in and advance.

Kristina

Petey the best guard dog ever...

Ok not really.  I took him to Shively Animal Clinic this morning finally.   The Humane Society sorta recommended them because they truly are the cheapest place in town.  I got there around 10:30 a.m. and didn't get home until almost 2.  They don't take appointments so I had to sit in the waiting room for all that time.   I had my cell phone and Megan's Nook with me so that helped to keep me occupied.   It's a good thing she had Twilight's Eclipse on there because I got through a lot of it.  It's completely different from the movie and I wonder if I'm actually reading the right thing.  While I was reading, Petey sat in my lap for over two hours.  He was too afraid to get down on the floor.  He sat and shook the entire visit.  He shook so hard he was actually making me look like I was shaking too.  I was afraid he was going to have a heart attack.  Poor dog. I figure if something awful ever happens, Petey will be sitting in my lap instead of defending me.  Such a baby!

So after all that fun and $83.50 later, Petey has what most likely is considered a skin allergy.  Thank goodness it wasn't mange.  I was afraid of that.  He got a cortisone shot, cortisone pills, and anti-fungal in case it's something else, antibiotics, and an allergy pill.  Wee.  If this doesn't work it's quite possible it's an autoimmune deficiency.  Praying it's not that.  My girls (read Megan) have been through so damn much that I hate to think it will be anything that could possibly cause us to loose him early.

I'm figuring at this point that I need to just win the lottery.  Unemployment hasn't kicked in yet and it's been a month already.  The funds are rapidly decreasing.  Petey's visit today was not what I needed but I also couldn't have that poor dog losing more fur and being miserable.   So shit.  August can't come soon enough. I just need to get through 3 months to survive.  Unless I win the lottery.  Or unless I find Prince Charming and he marries me like tomorrow.

I really hate writing about my money issues.  I'm sure people are saying I shouldn't have gone on that trip to Florida.   I wish I hadn't gone on that trip.  I know I should have put that money aside for something else and I didn't.  I'm thinking I'm just not the kind of person that should vacation.   I just really wanted to give my girls something special that they see all their friends doing all the time.  We've been so tight and frugal with things and I desperately wanted to let my sister's ashes go on a beach in Florida.  My heart was in the right place.  It really was.  It's just that my damn pocketbook is rarely in the right place.   Ugh.

This afternoon a friend is having a 50th birthday party for her husband.  That will at least be a bright spot in my day.  Well that and hearing that Petey is most likely going to be ok.  Did you see that Kate?  I put Bill right on the same level as Petey.  Bill must be loved.

Happy 50th!!!!!

Why I don't like hugs

I'm hoping this doesn't sound like a whine.  I don't intend it to be but I'm going to sound like some kind of anti-social nut.  I don't like hugs.   I give them out a lot.  I like to GIVE hugs.  Not receive hugs.  I hug my children all the time.  I hugged the kiddos at the preschool I was employed at.  I've briefly hugged friends and co-workers.  I don't have a problem with giving out hugs.  I just don't want to receive one.

My Mother was an amazing giver of hugs.  It's been 8 long years without a hug from my Mom and I miss that.  When you don't get hugs often it makes it hard to receive one.  And I'm afraid I'm going to get a hug like my Mom's and then the flood gates will open.  And  I mean open.  I'll start bawling like nobody's business.  Let's face it.  I'm a single Mom without any close family.   I don't have a partner.  So I don't GET hugs.  My ex used to give me hugs that would allow me to drop all my defenses and just let everything go.   Just like my Mom. Well-meaning friends have given me hugs and while I appreciate those hugs I tend to accept them rather stiffly. Makes it easier to hold things in.   And I have to hold things in.  I have to hold it together.  If I don't then this family doesn't survive.   So I hold it in.

Please don't read this and immediately think you have to give me a hug.  I'm not looking for one.   Really not.  Just be aware that I'm not thrilled to get one.

And in other Harrigan news...

Megan made the honor roll for the year at her middle school.  First year in middle school in an AP math/science/technology program and the kid makes the honor roll.  I am so proud of how easy it comes to her.   I might also add that I know have THREE children in the AP program out of 4.  This single Mom who works full time, doesn't like hugs, and pretty much does it on her own, has three kids in AP.  I don't think I'm doing too badly.  The 4th kid struggles a bit.  I know she is smart but she has a hard time allowing her smarts to come out on paper.  She has so many other things going for her.  She is a social butterfly and let me tell you that kid can sing.  I mean really hold a note and stay with the melody of any song she sings.  

So there is my brag for the night.  

Otherwise not much going on in the world of Harrigans.  

Why do I keep this stuff?

I'm trying to take advantage of the time off and put it to good use in this apartment.  When we had to leave my house 3 years ago I simply packed a bunch of stuff without taking the time to go through any of my crap.   Which means when I moved from my first apartment to the one we are in now, I brought more crap with us.  I've been tackling one project after another as far as paperwork is concerned.  Like I said previously:  paperwork and laundry are two areas that I fall woefully behind in.   7 bags of trash and two boxes later, I'm making a dent.  Today I cleaned and purged the filing cabinet and my desk.  It feels good to get it organized.  I've only cleaned out about half of what was under my bed.  I have one of those beds that you need a step stool to get up in so I can stack a ton of crap under there.

I finally tackled my honeymoon box.

Yes you read that right.  My honeymoon box.

I kept every boarding pass, ticket, and souvenir possible from our honeymoon cruise.  Even kept every wedding card we got.  I'm not sure why after 7 years of being single and more than 15 years since our honeymoon that I kept all of it.   At first it was just too painful to go through.  Then, after time, I would look through it wistfully thinking about how happy my ex and I had been.   When I tried to throw anything away I felt like I was somehow dishonoring everything we went through as a couple.   If I threw it away then it felt like I was somehow saying our marriage was a throw away marriage.   Monday I finally opened the box and got rid of everything.  I kept the cards from my Mom and Dad, my sister and brother.  And that was it.  It felt good to let everything go.  I still have the memories and the pictures.  I just don't need a boarding pass to      remind me of what a wonderful time in my life my honeymoon was.

Some good things have happened this week as well.   On Tuesday we went to help a friend work on her house remodel.   She and her husband and daughter are adopting a brother and sister from Russia.   They go to bring them home in about 3 weeks so it's crunch time in getting the house ready.   I'm so excited for them!!   They are great parents and I just love their daughter.  We have started calling her the 5th Harrigan girl.  I can hardly wait to meet their new son and daughter.  What a wonderful family!  We had so many people help us when we were trying to adopt Megan that I feel like I'm paying it forward.  Plus I think it is really good for all of my girls to see the excitement while waiting for an adoption to finalize.  They get to see first hand what it was like for my ex and I while we were waiting for Megan.

Tuesday evening I took all 5 Harrigan girls to the planetarium to see Venus cross between the Earth and the Sun.  I loved it!  I loved the excitement of everyone around us and plus I'm a space nerd who loves that stuff.  The 4 year old was lovely and enjoyed herself right down to dinner at Taco Bell. The other 4 were board to tears.  How did I not pass on my space nerdism  to my children???

Wednesday my ex came and took the girls to dinner.  In my excitement in being alone for the first time in awhile, I jumped in my car and went to Goodwill.  I dropped some things off and wanted to find a small shelf for my living room organization.  As I was looking around I turned a corner and there stands....

Megan Harrigan with her Dad and sisters!

Even in my effort to get away I somehow ended up being in the exact same place as my children.  Must be Mom radar.  I pity my children when they start dating.  I'll be able to sense where they are at at all times.  :)

Oh and the other piece of goodness:  I'm the new infant teacher at Adath Jeshurun Preschool!  This is an awesome place to work.  It offers benefits, some retirement, and some of the most amazing early childhood educators out there.  I'm Blessed beyond belief that I will be working there.   I start in August.

That's about it on the homefront.  I'm sure there will be more exciting stuff  coming up.  There always is!

You actually EAT at your dining room table?

I spent the entire day cleaning house today.  I'm tired.  I need to tackle the upstairs and dining room.  Because you know, I'm going to end up on that damn TV show.  The dining room is overflowing with laundry again.  We can't even use the dining room table to eat because there is so much clean laundry on it.  When I win the lottery I'm getting a super duper high end laundry room with loads of counter space to stack all the clothing on that I never have the time (or energy) to fold.  Just picture the conversation in my house on any given day:

"Mom where's the underwear?"  "Check the dining room table."

"Mom I can't find shorts!!"  "Check the dining room table."

Because of course that is the first place every person looks for clean underwear right?

If you were to come into my house you would notice a few things.  Well other than my unbelievable beauty.  The first thing you would notice is my paperwork run amok.  I suck at keeping it organized.

The second thing you would notice is that none of our laundry is actually in closets or drawers.  It's in baskets and where else?? The dining room table!!!!

I have tried all sorts of methods for keeping laundry organized and haven't been successful with any of them. I tried having the girls help out but after the last few times I had Abby and Brigid help I was finding laundry stashed in all sorts of interesting places.  Like, you know, the linen closet and their drawers.  Not a problem you ask?  Oh yes it is.  I can't seem to put laundry away but I'll be damned if laundry is going to be put away IN THE WRONG DRAWERS.   Why bother putting it away if you can't find it?

Just go to the dining room table.  It's always there.

Last Day of School 2012

I now have a 7th grader and  three 4th graders living in my house.  I can hardly believe it.  It just doesn't seem right that my girls are getting older.  I keep thinking in 2 years I will have a high schooler and middle schoolers.  I'm not ready!   The trio had a celebration at their school today.  There teacher, Mrs. E aka Mrs. Frizzle, is one of THE best teachers out there.  Not only was she Megan's 4th grade teacher, she was also a co-worker.  I've seen her from both sides and there is no one quite like her.

I did not attend anything at Megan's school today.  It seems like with her being in middle school that I am missing out on what is going on.  We've gone from a wonderful school like Field where I know the teachers to a school where I basically know no one.  I miss that connection.

The last day of school in my mind was always just the best day ever.  No homework, no stress, nothing but fun, fun, fun.   My girls went off to school today looking like it was the first day of school at a military base.  Solemn faces, slow walking, quiet.  And weird.   It was a total let down for ME!  I have the opportunity to try and stay home.  I have fun plans for the girls!  Relaxation.  The pool.  Friends.  What the heck is wrong with them?????

I think if it weren't for the homework, my girls would totally love school!  Megan, Caroline, and Brigid are just so damn good at it!!!  Definitely my kids.  (Yes I was great at school.  Why do you think I became a teacher?)  Abby struggles at it but managed to bring up her grades this semester and is almost on grade level.  Her joy of school comes from the oodles and oodles of friends she has.

When they were little and my Dad was still alive (so that puts the girls at 4 and 1) he gave his predictions of what he thought the girls would be like in school.  He had them all pegged right.  He said that Megan would do well no matter what was put in front of her because she was so determined and driven.  He said that when Abby got off the bus she would be surrounded by friends and be the social butterfly.  True.  He said that Brigid would have her own unique group of friends who were smart and somewhat nerdy.  Think Bardstown Rd. and that she would find her own path home from the bus.  He said that Caroline would be the first one off the bus and race home to be with me.  True, true, true, true.  Weird that he could see that when they were so little.

So I am faced with a summer at home with 4 children who seem less than enthusiastic about the prospect.  I even let them stay up to watch the end of America's Next Top Model and So You Think You Can Dance.  Still no excitement.

Yay me.

This may turn out to be a very lllooooonnnnggggg summer.

Back at it

Oddly enough I'm being asked to blog again.  Not exactly sure why.  I often feel like I am a trainwreck of epic proportions.  Perhaps that is why people want to read.  Just to see what crazy things will happen next.  Sometimes I get so damn full of myself that I have to stop blogging and get a handle on myself.  Sometimes there is just so much to blog about I don't know where to start. But let's start with this:

You know that moment of clarity in your life where you know exactly what it is you want to do with your life?  Yeah that hasn't happened yet.  (There ya go Kate.)  I got laid off from my job two weeks ago.  To say that it has shaken me to my core is an understatement.  I devoted so much of my time, energy, and dare I say talent to that place and to have it all end so very quickly has me a bit frazzled.  The long and short of it is the new owners eliminated my position and got rid of management.

So here I sit.

I've had 3 interviews already and am actually sitting back a little bit and trying to decide what I want to do with my life.  No I can't teach for the public school system.  I've quit twice.  Bad life decisions.  I admit that.  In the meantime my teaching certificate has expired and it requires me to back to school to renew it.  That, of course, costs money I don't have.  Plus I LIKE preschool.  Always have.  LOVE the age group.  So I'll continue looking.  Right now I'm going to enjoy the summer with the girls.  I had pushed the girls to the back so to speak in order to devote so much of me to that job.  Now I get to focus on them.   I started back in April with a trip to New Smyrna Beach, Florida.  Why there you ask?   One of my sister's favorite beaches. We let her ashes go on the beach on Easter Sunday at sundown:

After that we swam, relaxed, and basically enjoyed ourselves. Yep.  We made it.

 The view from our room:

 Bingo and Caroline:

 I had time to read Breaking Dawn:

 Megan and Brigid participated in the hula hoop contest:

Abby after the egg hunt:

That's Brigid and Abby with the noodles in the pool and this is the resort we stayed at:

Even the Easter bunny came!  What a way to spend Easter:

Abby on the beach:

Brigid and Megan bodyboarding:

More Brigid and Megan:

Caroline:

Brigid and Caroline climbing on the play equipment after lunch:

It was a wonderful week and I was proud of myself for both having the money to do this and for driving the girls down and back by myself.  I was also proud of the girls for being such great travelers and being such great sports about going down there and having to penny pinch.   We did a lot of dinners at restaurants that had kids eat free deals and then ate in our room which had a full kitchen.

During the 5 months I haven't blogged, pretty much everything has stayed the same.  Well other than getting laid off.  I managed to piss off a couple of friends.  Apparently I am good at that.  A former co-worker once told me I was way to blunt for my own good.  I just have learned in the years since my divorce, to use my voice.  I hate pussyfooting.  Hate it.  I expect to be treated that way too.  Tell me to my face what I'm doing wrong or right.

Oh and for Mother's Day I got a kitten.  So if you are keeping track that is 4 kids and 4 pets.  I think I'll stop for awhile.  Although Ali has pointed out that me being me I'll probably end up with someone dropping off their kid on my doorstep.  And that will be ok.  I've learned in my life that life has a way of working itself out.   I say repeatedly that my faith in God and the Grace He provides me allows me to get through everything. It's been a long amazing journey so far.  Some really bad; mostly good.  I'll keep plugging through.

But for now...I gotta find the inside of this apartment.  It's bordering on hoarders here.