RIP Lisa

My sister Lisa's birthday is today. She would have been 48.  I had a few pictures on my computer of her.  I don't have many of her once she started down the path of her addiction but her are some of the better ones of her.  I miss her.  I mostly miss the person Lisa COULD have been.  But today I will simply say a prayer for her.  I miss her. 

 This was from 3 years ago at Megan's First Communion.  She was healthy here but years of abuse and take it's toll.

 Mom, me, and Lisa from the rehearsal dinner for my wedding.  It makes me sad to think that I am the only one still living from this picture.  Lisa was doing pretty well here and looked good.

Lisa was struggling here.  She is holding Megan.  She loved Megan.

Something to think about

"Christ has no body on earth but yours, no hands but yours, no feet but yours. Yours are the eyes through which Christ's compassion for the world is to look out; yours are the feet with which He is to go about doing good; and yours are the hands with which He is to bless us now.". -St. Teresa of Avila

My Thankfulness

These are the things I am most thankful for on this rainy Thanksgiving afternoon.  These are not in any particular order of importance.  I'm just going to let it flow as it pops into my crowded brain.

God for Blessing me with my Faith, Grace, and life
My amazing children who forever push me to be a better person for them
My family
my job and the wonderful women I teach with everyday
my boss for talking a chance on me when few would and who still believes in me everyday
the students I teach and their parents for trusting me everyday to take care of their most favorite people
my apartment
Ali, Bob, Dylan, Zane, Abraham, Jack, Tobias
Erik, Evan, Ana
Tim, Kim, Amelia, Jack, John, Sandy
my triplet Mom friends in Louisville
my Moms of Multiples friends on Facebook
my neighbors
the girls' friends
Shannon
Megan B. Lee, Katie S., April, and the playground Moms and siblings
Field Elementary
Mindy and Leisha
my van
my health
the Family Health Center Portland
Brigid's doctor
my cats and guinea pigs
music
love
shoes and purses
my bed
keeping busy
the internet
cable
warm socks
food because Lord knows I love to eat
my ex (no I haven't lost my mind-I have children with him)
Tuesday night Cindy B.
Mary and Joe, Ali and Ashley
Nickolodeon and the Disney channel
my church

I will add to this list.  Because I am always and eternally greatful for my life.  For myself and all my mistake-making faults.  I try to practice gratitude everyday.  Even if all I can say is "I got up in the morning." Because on somedays that is the greatest miracle.

I am thankful. 

Can you say that today?

I shall be wearing my pearls at half-staff today.  Leave it to Beaver's Mom passed away yesterday at 94.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20434928,00.html

Why It's Good to Be a Kid

My girls are loving where we live.  There is the lovely group of kids their age that live a few doors down.  Maybe 12 or so boys and girls.  They got busy a few days back with some throw away boxes, sticks, and such.  This is what they created:

That's Brigid in the black.  I love Megan's head peeking out from the box.

Here comes Abby!

There is such creativity here!  I love that they were allowed to be creative in their own way.   They spent hours creating and building. 

I love where I live.  I really love it.  I love that my girls are enjoying their lives.  To me this is what childhood is all about.  I hope these are fond memories for the girls the way they are for me.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

In honor of my ex-stemother-in-law (my ex's stepmother), Sandy, our blog is going pink for October.  She is a 10 year survivor!!!  Ladies schedule those mammograms!!!!!!

Reality Check

Sometimes a reality check is all you need...


“When all is said and done, life is grocery shopping, laundry, and weeding the back yard - but when the mundane becomes enjoyable because of the company you're in, you've found the right place”.--unknown

More stuff

Man it's been awhile since I have blogged. 

I always wonder where the time goes.  I get up, go to work, come home, do more work, and go to bed.  And somewhere in there is such a flurry of activity.  I rarely stop moving yet some weeks I don't feel like I accomplish much.  What do I have to show for all the activity I do?

 I hope that on some level I am accomplishing raising 4 wonderful human beings.  That all this work will show up as something positive years down the road.  That in the whole big grand scheme of things my work will be something positive when my girls are adults.  Yet when I look at everything I do day-to-day it just always feels the same.  A whole lot of work on the treadmill of life.  It's the same dishes I wash, the same carpet I vacuum, the same floor and bathrooms I clean, the same clothes I wash (but never fold or put away).  It's the same job I go to, the same homework battle, the same reminders to wash your feet, put your shoes away, hang up your backpacks, eat over your plate.  Some days I just want to collapse under the weight of all this work that doesn't show much of an immediate payoff.

 Friends tell me when my girls get older they will respect all that I have done for them.  Only I have to admit it is hard to work so hard without some sort of compensation right now.  No I didn't become a parent for immediate gratification.  I realize parenting is viewed in the long term.  It's just hard to get up everyday and keep moving. 

I worry that my girls will remember the times I got mad, or frustrated, or frazzled.  I read another parent's blog where he talks about "breaking" a child's spirit.  Will my girls remember the times I may have lost my temper or said something unkind?  I am human and it does happen.  Or will they remember me getting up at 5:15 a.m. to get everything ready to start our day? 

Now I'm thinking I may have just gotten a little to deep for a beautiful Saturday afternoon.

I'm off to do more of the same ol'....

Miracles Do Happen

Miracles do happen.  They really do.   Yesterday I was frustrated.  Today I am stunned.  I believe that God works in ways we will never truly understand while we are here on this planet.

Today was the first Sunday of Sunday school for the girls.  This is a Sacremental year for Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline.  They will be taking their first Eucharist (Communion) in May.  I gave my ex the information for where to go today and drew a map.  I did this knowing that he would not take them.  I was hoping that he would.  He would not take Megan during her First Eucharist year.  He had told me that I couldn't dictate what he did with the girls on his Sundays.  So Megan went every other Sunday.  I did the extra work with her at home during the weeks that she did not go to Sunday school.  In five years the girls have gone to Sunday school
 every other weekend they were with me.

I got up this morning and got dressed.  I drove to church (late as usual) so that I could attend the parent meeting that was scheduled while Sunday school was going on.  I walked to the trio's class first to let the teacher know that the girls were not there and that I was.  I walked in the room and stopped dead.  There sitting in desks were Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline.  And there was my ex.  Taking notes as the teacher was talking.  I can tell you that I felt the spirit of God at that moment.  I wanted to go and hug my ex.  I was thrilled, stunned, overjoyed, and Blessed all at the same time. 

Do you understand how huge this was?!?

After the teacher dismissed the parents, Patrick walked with me to the cafeteria.  He sat next to me.  We listened and to be honest, I prayed.  Prayers of thankfulness.  Afterwards I introduced Patrick to the Pastoral minister and the minister in charge of children's programs.  He gave her is email address.  We talked.  The girls finished up.  And then they left with him. 

I stayed for Mass.  And I prayed.  And I prayed.  And I prayed.  This moment renewed my faith in God.  God really does work in mysterious ways. 

I am so thankful.

Frustration and Sadness

All rolled into one.  Here's the thing.  I want the girls to see their Dad.  I really do.  I'm not blowing smoke up anyone's ass about it.  My girls need their Dad.  I, on the other hand, do not need him.  I've said it before and I'll say it again (I might add that I've said this to him as well):

I can row this boat by myself.  I'm already doing it.  The girls and I have made a life without him.  We function day in and day out without him.  We go to work, school, eat, sleep, and play all on our own.  It's nice to get the every other weekend break for myself to go run errands, catch up on housework, etc.  But I can totally do all that with the girls every single day.   

The visitation time is for the girls.  When he continuously shows up ove an hour late each and everytime it's his visitation then I get frustrated.  We sit and wait.  THE GIRLS sit and wait.

 Today I had enough.  I'm not sitting here on pins and needles wondering when he is coming!!!  By 10:15 we were showered, out the door, and actually in my car driving out of the apartment complex to go run errands.  I have things to do.  I can't sit and wait.  I'm sure he doesn't think I have a life but really I do.  He pulls up next to me and gets out.  I get out. 

My response?  "Dude you are over an hour late.  Your pick up time is 9:00 a.m.  I have things to do and I can't sit and wait for you.  You don't hardly see the girls and when it's your time you come late and drop them off early!"

 I'm done.  I told him he has until 9:30 a.m.  Pick them up on time or don't come at all because in two weeks we will be gone by 9:30 a.m.  I don't feel I'm being unreasonable!  Pick them up on time and bring them back on time.  CALL if you are going to be late!!!  Email me, something! 

I handed him the info about Sunday school.  I had him directions, times etc.  Anyone want to take a bet as to whether he actually takes them?

Now here's where the sadness comes in.  After they leave I get back in my car to go run the errands I needed to run.  Target, Whole Foods, Kroger.  As I'm  heading into Kroger I walk passed Brigid's Godparents.   I say hi.  We awkwardly talk.  Brigid's Godfather is pleasant.  Brigid's Godmother?  She chats but I can tell she doesn't want to talk.  The reason?  I have a big mouth.  Being a single Mom to 4 children necessitates having a big mouth.  I need to be able to stand up for myself and take care of my girls.  I'm not afraid to ask for what I want or need for the girls.  It's a gift.  And a curse.  When the ex and I separated I was not nice to Brigid's Godmother.  She had been friends (ex-girlfriend actually) of my ex.  They had a history together.  I did not feel she was supportive of me and my decision to leave my ex.  So I opened my big mouth.   I typed a nasty email and actually hit SEND.

And here we are.

 No matter what I say to her to apologize it won't ever be enough.  I don't think she understands why I left my ex.  I don't think she understands that I've tried to include my ex in the girls' lives.  I don't think she understands.  So I imagine she dislikes me immensely.  Can't say I blame her to some extent.  But I feel sadness.  I feel sadness because they said they don't see the girls much.  They are always welcome to take the girls during my time.   I feel sadness that I lost a friend.  Divorce sucks.  It brings out the worst emotions.  Unfortunately friends are divided in a divorce.   In  Brigid's Godparents' case, the ex got them and I didn't. 

So I feel sadness.  Frustration and sadness.  Not a way to spend a Saturday. 

Our Weekend

A pretty good weekend.  Yesterday we hung out and played.  My plan was to take the girls on a number of errands early Saturday morning.  The problem was when I got up  to go take a shower I did not have any clean underwear.  None.  Not even a cute pair of thong underwear (how's that for an image).  So instead of running errands we cleaned house while I did a load of the finest pairs of granny panties this side of the Mississippi.

Then  I might have had a slight (ok major) meltdown about the shape of this apartment. 

Does anyone here know how to put stuff away?

So I laid down the law.  Clean up or no outside time, friends time or a scheduled sleepover.  Amazing what a little motivation (and yelling) can accomplish. 

After, the girls went out to play.  I showered (cause that's how I roll) and got dressed.  I went to the neighbors' house to collect my girls.  I told them we were going errand running and my neighbors very kindly (and amazingly) watched my girls so I could grocery shop BY MYSELF!!  Woohoo!  I ended up with an hour and a half of kid-free shopping.

I came home, unloaded the groceries, and got the girls back.  Threw Megan in the shower and then drove her to her a sleepover for a friend's birthday.  While there my friend, S, was dropping off her oldest daughter.  I was going to take the trio out to dinner to KT's and invited S and her younger daughter too.  I had three free coupons for kids' meals and S had a coupon for a buy one/get one adult meal.  So for almost nothing we had dinner!  IT was lovely!  How nice it was to go out to dinner on a Saturday evening!  On occasions like that my Mom would always say, "I wonder what the RICH people are doing tonight!" 

After dinner S ran to her house to get her oldest's sleepover clothes (she didn't realize it was a sleepover) and I took the girls and her youngest to Conez and Coneyz for dessert.  Brigid won free ice cream from there on Friday night.  Right next door is Heine Bros. Coffee where Caroline won a $5 gift card.  So it was basically an almost free night!!

After saying goodbye to S and her daughter we came home, put jamas on, popped popcorn, and watched a movie. That is when Caroline said to me:

 "God is wonderful.  He created this lovely evening and he created our love!" 

Then she gave me a kiss!! That child is amazing!!!

 The girls slept on the couch in the living room. 

We got up this morning, went to pick up Megan, and went to a pancake breakfast at our church.  Megan and Abigail were wonderful during church.  When I complimented Abby she said:

 "That's because I like being with God."

I am amazed with the spirituality of my girls!!  After church we went to the pet store to buy bedding for the guinea pigs and then went to the mall.  My friend M had been telling me about a store called Glitter.  It has accessories for $1.  My girls thought it was super because I told them they each could pick out two things.  Any two things.  It's easy to be generous when it's only $1.

We came home and have been hanging out the rest of the day.

In other words,  a really wonderfully normal day.

My Fat Ass

I have a fat ass.  I'm not proud of it but I can't hide it either.  There are lots of reasons why but really, I just love to eat.  I'm not always a junk food kind of gal.  I like second portions.  Sometimes third portions.  Excuse me while a digress just a bit.  I'm getting ready to make a point. 

Tonight the local public swimming pool in Crescent Hill had a neighborhood block party sponsored by a local councilwoman.  It's free and we've gone for 4 straight years.  There's free pizza, drinks, dessert, music, and door prizes.  The girls love to go.  So do I.  We all threw on our swimsuits and headed for the pool.  It was a bit chilly tonight with the high not quite reaching 70 degrees.  There was no decision making in the fact that I was going to swim with my girls.  For an hour and half we ate, swam, and laughed.  Megan spent most of the evening with her friends.  When it came time for the door prizes drawing, we headed in to see who had won.  Abigail won a t-shirt, Brigid won a gift certificate to Coneys and Conez, and Caroline won a gift card to Heine Bros. coffee.  Megan did not win and I thought she might be mad.  After chatting with her I reminded her that she was going to a slumber party tomorrow night and she seemed ok with that.  I had a blast with the girls in the pool.  The water is heated, it wasn't crowded and we just laughed and laughed.

Now back to my fat ass. (I'm hoping no future employers read this and hold my potty mouth against me.)  I mention it because out of all those parents there I only saw maybe 3 or 4 of them in the water!  Only one other Mom and the rest were Dads.  Really?  Why would you bring your kids to the pool and not get in the water with them?  If it's time for your cycle then I could maybe see skipping the water.   But for what other reason would you have for not getting in the water and enjoying your kids?  Surely it can't be because you don't want someone to see you in your swimsuit.  Here's what I look like in mine:

It's not pretty and I know that but I'm not going to let my doughy, out of shape, fat ass keep me from enjoying my time with my kids!!!  Nothing should ever keep you from enjoying your time with your kids!!  I have looked like a fool on numerous occasions while enjoying time with my girls.  And really when you think about it there will be a time when my girls won't want me around.  They won't want me to be in the pool with them.  They'll want to enjoy their friends.  When they tell me NOT to be with them then I will respect that.  I will feel a little sad but I will respect them. 

Until then the world will be subjected to my fat ass and all it's lumpy loveliness.  'Cause I know my kids won't remember the size of my ass in that swimsuit.  They will remember the fun we had together when I didn't let my self-consciousness affect our joy.

First Eucharist

I received Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline's First Eucharist schedule today via email.  We attend St. Bernedette (formerly Mother of Good Counsel).  I am so excited!  I can't believe my babies are going to be old enough to do this!!  Wow.  I remember the feelings I had when I realized Megan was old enough.  Now the trio will be going through all this too.  I did not grow in a religious household.   Dad was an atheist.  He taught us to always question  the validity of religion.  He said he was looking at facts.  What he didn't realize is that so much of believing is in FAITH.  Mom believed.  She was very spiritual.  She always said she had vision of Heaven.  When she knew she was dying she wasn't sad about where she was going.  She was sad about who she was leaving.  My family believed I became Catholic because of Patrick.  He certainly helped me.  What I couldn't ever get my family to understand was that when I walked intFio church I felt like I was home.  My faith has brought me through sooooo much.  I fully and truly believe that God has a plan for all of us.  IT may not be the plan we want but it is the plan God wants.  And how exciting that my girls are being raised to feel that faith in everything they do!!

Now I am on the look out for First Eucharist (Communion) dresses TIMES THREE!!!  Let the shopping begin!!

Ugh

Another harrowing day in the life of SuperMom.  Can you feel the sarcasm?  Rough day.  It started with a paycheck mishap that was taken care of, included a student taking a swing at me, a missed lunch break, grocery shopping, homework Hell, bedtime misery, and then finally calm. 

I want to take this moment right now and apologize to all the parents of students I ever taught for sending home busy work for homework.  We teachers are often required to send home work.  I used to send home busy work.  And for that I apologize.  Because now I am on the receiving end of said busy work. 

Brigid FLIES through it.  Half the time she gets it done before the other 3 even have their pencils out. 

Megan will complete hers without help as long as it isn't math.  If it's math that goodnight nurse.  Megan cries.  Megan whines.  Megan gets mad. 

Caroline needs a little pushing to get done.  She is so careful and detailed in her work that it takes her a bit longer to finish her homework.

And then there's Abby. 

My sweet Abby who sat at the table tonight and said, "I'm so mad I just want to break pencils!"  She goes through this flurry of activity that includes the above mentioned Megan actions.  By the time she finishes the performance, she has wasted more time than if she actually did the work. 

If I were back in a public school classroom I would push for no homework.  The teachers don't like to give it, the kids don't like to do it, and it drives the parents nuts.  I know there are schools across the country that are starting to push for the no homework plan.  Or at least homework that means something.  Writing spelling words 5 times each is busy work.  Seek and finds?  Busy work.

 Ugh. 

I already miss the summertime and those carefree evenings where all we had to decide is what should we do as a family for fun?  Isn't that what all families should be looking for in the evenings?  We've been apart at our jobs and school all day doing, for the most part things, we don't want to do.  Parents get off work and they are tired and stressed trying to squeeze in the time to make dinner, do laundry, cut grass, give baths, etc.  Add to that stressful evening the joys of trying to get kids to do work they don't want to do and it is just pure Hell.  I would rather spend that time with my girls sightseeing, doing physical activities, reading, being with friends.  You know the really important stuff.  (said without a hint of sarcasm)

So I want to reiterate.  Parents I am sorry.  I think I'll go write 100 sentences on the chalkboard. 

I will not give homework. I will not give homework...

My New Haircut

I like to change my hair quite often.  I love to change the color.  It's been every color under the sun.  Black, brown, red, blonde, pink, and orange.  The pink and orange were from an unfortunate coloring accident.  I had jet black hair with white highlights.  Call it my midlife crisis.  The roots were growing out and I decided to go back to blonde, my original color.  I bought the new color and began.  By the time I was done I had the most beautiful blonde hair.  On my roots.  The rest of my hair was in waves of color that went from blonde, to pink, to magenta, to orange to gray and finally to jet black.  $200 later and 6 HOURS in a salon chair and my hair was back to blonde.  I won't make that mistake again. 

This weekend I decided to get my hair cut.  Short.  It turned out really well but it needs to be a bit shorter.  I'm done with fooling with my hair for awhile.  I want to wash it and go.  Unfortunately I am rather a somewhat large girl.  So my body now reminds me of a peanut sitting on a watermelon.  Here's the cut:

It's not too bad.  I still want it shorter on top.

And because I hate having my picture taken and I was the only one at home to take my picture I now present you with the unfortunate attempts at getting a picture where I don't look like a total dork:

I also took a picture of Abigail and Brigid's three year old school pictures when they were at Mother of  Good Counsel:

This is Abigail.  I'm hoping this isn't a sign of things to come.  You know, mugshot and all.  Four years later and I still crack up everytime I see this picture.  Poor Abby.

And then there's Brigid.  I love the look on her face here.  I think it captures her stinkerness.  Brigid was a stinker at 3.  And at 4.  5 too.  And until she was 6 1/2.  Now, as Brigid puts it, she is pleasant.  Sometimes she is the only one being pleasant (her words too).  I just love this kid.

My run

I did it!  I did my first walk/run combo for 30 minutes and 1 mile and a half!!!!  I hurt everywhere!  I feel good though.  I realize that I need to keep going but I'm excited that I actually did my first one. 

Here's an image for you: 

I get to Seneca Park where everyone in Louisville decided to go and run this morning. Great.  Now I get to look foolish in front of people.  I started out with a brisk 5 minute walk.  So far so go.  Then I have to run for 60 seconds. I start.  Oh my hell was that rough!  All 180 lbs of me hurtling down the jogging path complete with wheezing and coughing.  Longest 60 secs. of my life.  Thank goodness I get to walk for 90 secs. before the next run. 

By the time I got to my third one I was saying out loud, "Oh my Lord."  I got a funny look from a guy who looks like he runs everywhere from his bed to the bathroom to the kitchen.  But I kept going. 

I even got a thumbs-up from two young guys!  Could be they were thrilled I hadn't passed out and they would have to do rescue breathing.

By the time I finished my thighs were throbbing and I had to pee.  The joys of a triplet/hysterectomy bladder. 

I had on a sports bra to keep the girls from bouncing everywhere.  My next thought is I woner if they make a sports holder for the triplet flap on my stomach.  That thing was bouncing so much I was afraid I was going to step on it while running.

 After the run I went into Walgreen's for the Sunday paper and then a quick drive through Starbucks for my earl grey tea latte.  Hey, a girl has to be rewarded for not having a heart attack right?

Because I love Megan

Megan has joined Girls on the Run at her school.   Here is the link:  http://www.girlsontherun.org/  and a description from their website: 

Girls on the Run® is a life-changing, experiential learning programs for girls age eight to thirteen years old. The programs combine training for a 3.1 mile running event with self-esteem enhancing, uplifting workouts. The goals of the programs are to encourage positive emotional, social, mental, spiritual and physical development.


They are training for a 5K run in December.  Megan can have a running buddy.  We were trying to figure out who we knew that ran and would be willing to run with Megan when I came up with a brilliant idea (insert sarcasm here).  I could run with Megan!  So here I am, at 7:30 a.m. Sunday, putting my shoes on to go for my first walk/run.  The program I am following says  I can go from the couch to running in 9 weeks.  http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

I've never really run in my whole life so this should be interesting.

Camp Rock 2 Party

Sometime back in June the girls and I saw a commercial for Camp Rock 2.  We saw that it was set to premiere on the Disney Channel on Sept. 3.  Brigid was sooo excited.  She has a Camp Rock comforter on her bed.  She loves Camp Rock.  She has the dolls from the movie.  So we decided to plan a premiere party.  The party was last night.  We had 16 kiddos here.  I bought snacks and drinks.  I found black plates, black and white polka dot napkins, and red and white napkins.  I put red tablecloths on the dining room and coffee tables.  I hung black balloons up inside and outside the house.  (black is a rock n'roll color my girls tell me).  At 7:55 all the kiddos came to the living room and sat down on the couches and chairs.  It was so much fun to see all these kids of various ages sitting together waiting for the movie to begin.  I think what I enjoyed most was how diverse the group was.  My friends Ali and Megan were the other adults in the house.  They sat with me and we talked, ate, and watched the movie and the kids.  By the time the movie was over I had kids all over the house and kids dancing on my living room coffee table.  Megan mentioned that it looked something like a frat party.  Table dancing, food on the floor, and at one point Brigid took her pants off to dance.  Katie showed up just as Ali was leaving so I had the chance to talk to her too.  I wish my camera hadn't died before I got to take lots of pictures.  I did get three so here they are:

The dining room with Caroline and Brigid who helped me set the table up

This was only a small part of the popcorn.  I ended up popping SIX bags for the kids.  At least two bags were on the floor in my living room when the party was over.  It might have had something to do with the popcorn fight the kids got into.

The gang's all here!!  What a blast!!!

Different Night/Same Sh**

Yep.  You read that right.  Different night, same shit.  Today I picked up the kiddos in the carpool line at school and we headed straight for Feeder's Supply.  The guineas needed timothy hay.  That's all I went in there for.  Timothy hay.  30 minutes and $27.45 later we had timothy hay, a scratching post for the kitties, treats for the guineas, toy mice for the cats, and some catnip for them too.  Good thing there weren't any teeny tiny kittens in there or we would have come home with one of those too.

Next we went to Megan's therapy appointment that was at 5 p.m.  We were going to stop at Thornton's for a little snack to tide them over until dinner but I noticed Paul's Fruit Market next door and decided to go there.  You should have heard the moaning that went on when the girls realized we were getting something healthy instead of the junk at the mini-mart.  4 moaning, complaining, loud girls walking up and down the aisles of the fruit market.  1 bag of popcorn a container of grapes, and a bottle of water later, we walked up to the counter to pay.  We usually get a lot of attention just because of the triplets but when you add in the loud moaning, all eyes were on us.  Another shining parent moment.  I usually try to say something to diffuse the situation.  Today I didn't.  I just smiled, paid for the stuff and left.  Another location where we leave and people just shake their heads and think, "Wow, I'm glad I don't have that many kids."

Megan had her appointment while I went through backpacks, the trio ate, and we watched the Lion King in the waiting room.

After that we went to a really wholesome dinner at...McDonald's.  Hey they can't eat healthy all the time.  It wouldn't be American.

We drive home, the girls play outside, showers, teethbrushing and bed.  All by 8:30.  Damn.  I sure am something.  (said of course with a roll of the eyes and a smirk 'cause Lord knows I'm not perfect)

My Night Tonight

So here's how it went tonight.  I had a crappy day at work.  One where you question why you want to be a teacher.  All I could think of was coming home to the 4 people I love most in the world.  The girls get home and the trio get started and finished with their homework.  Megan says hers is easy and she can do it at Fazoli's.  Tuesday night is $.99 kids night with a craft in their party room.  Megan usually doesn't like to do the craft so she and I talk while the girls create.   We have a really pleasant dinner.  Megan starts on her homework but doesn't get done.  It seems like an awful lot of homework and I'm wondering if she misheard the teacher's directions.  We had gift cards to Graeter's Ice Cream and so we head there for dessert.  Again more pleasantness.  The drive home?  Delightful. 

Then....it starts.  

The crazy, single  parent flurry that happens when I try to be in 5 places at once. 

I start the shower for Abby, Brigid, and Caroline.  I put Caroline in but she wants me to wash her and her hair.  I tell her to get  her hair wet while I run downstairs and help Megan who by now has had a complete meltdown about how hard her math homework is. 

While helping her, Caroline starts to let out huge wails of, "Momma I need you!"  I go running upstairs to see what is wrong and she is just feeling "lonely".  I help her finish up and while she is rinsing I go grab the guinea pig bowl to start feeding them. 

I had back downstairs to help Megan with another problem.

 I start washing the gp bowl and Caroline yells, "Done!" 

I run back upstairs and usher Abby into the shower next. 

I'm trying to help Caroline dry off while Megan starts crying again.  Back downstairs I go. 

Help Megan. Feed the cats.  Head back to the guinea pig bowl. 

Caroline comes downstairs, "Is there going to be a tornado?"  She is terrified of them and currently obsessed with them. (hmmm, can't for the life of me figure out where she gets that from :)  ). 

Megan moans some more.  Help her. 

Abby yells, "I'm done!" 

I put the food in the gp bowl, run it upstairs, and yell for Brigid to get in the shower.

 Megan yells.

 Caroline followed me upstairs to ask me more questions about tornadoes. 

I start  back downstairs when Brigid informs me the water is too hot.  I turn it down. 

The phone rings.  It's Ali but I can't get the phone. 

Help Megan. 

Brigid yells for me. I run back upstairs and go into the bathroom only to find that Brigid can't reach her washcloth...sitting 3 feet from her on the counter.  She had called me all the way upstairs because she didn't want to get water on the bathroom floor. 

Caroline's still following me to ask about tornadoes.  Help Brigid out, turn the water off, make sure Abby has put underwear on and then Megan yells.  Back down to help her again. 

Caroline gets on the laptop to check the weather forecast.

Run back upstairs, help Brigid, then try to start a load of laundry.  It will eventually take me 45 minutes to put one load in the wash because of all the frickin' interruptions I get. 

Realize it is now after 8 p.m. Caroline wants to know what this word is:   m-a-n-d-a-t-o-r-y.  I ask to see what she is reading and it's something about tornado warnings being mandatory.  I tell her to shutdown the laptop and go upstairs to brush her teeth.

Megan is still crying saying she can't possible do all this homework.  I look at her page: factors, divisors, products.  There is a reason I've never taught above 3rd grade math.  I'm trying to help her and here comes Caroline with more questions. 

Phone rings and it's Ali again.  I answer because she has called twice in about 15 minutes so something must be up.  I only manage a brief conversation before I have to go.  Still trying to do laundry. Brush teeth.  Homework.

Get the trio in bed all the while reassuring Caroline that no tornadoes are going to hit tonight.  Tell Brigid that if she comes in my bed one more time tonight she is grounded (It's been 5 straight days in a row).  Back downstairs.

Finally get Megan to a stopping point and send her upstairs to bed.

I wash the inside of the crock pot that I didn't get done from last night's dinner.

Back upstairs to make sure they are in bed.  Megan has dirty feet.  Wash them.  Tuck in the trio again.  Caroline refuses to sleep with Megan because Megan whispers in her ear that tornadoes are coming tonight.  Megan gets upset that Caroline leaves her room so she marches in to the trio's room and grabs an almost asleep Abby to make her come into her room for bed. 

I put Caroline to bed in Abby's bed where Brigid is also sleeping.  Don't ask me why no one is sleeping in their own beds.  I've given up that fight a long time ago.  Sleep on the roof for all I care.  Just please sleep. 

Caroline cries that she needs a nightlight.  I grab the one out of Megan's room (she doesn't use it) and put it in the trio's room.  Turn it on and turn the main light off.  Megan is now upset that I unplugged her clock while unplugging the nightlight.  Give her and Abby kisses and head downstairs to type this.

Take my medicine, start typing, and breathe.  Get almost done with this then Abby and Megan show up. Abby has heartburn.  I've already given her the heartburn medicine she takes so I fix her a glass of milk.  They head back upstairs.

5 minutes later Megan yells that Caroline is pacing the floor in the hallway worried about tornadoes.

I'm pretty sure that by the morning I will have had a least two more interruptions by Brigid and Caroline climbing into my bed.

I watched Kate + 8 last night.  Saw her and her kids sightseeing in New York City.  She had sh**loads of help while they ate ice cream and had a blast.  I must admit I was somewhat bored watching how easy it was for her and her help.  Quite cushy.

I'm pretty sure she doesn't have nights like these.  I think I should get my own reality show.  Let's see if anyone could handle one night of my reality.

I'm tired just typing this. I'm sure your worn out from reading this.

This was my night tonight.

Yes!

No, it's not what you think.  It's never that.  I have my air conditoning back on! Wahooo!!!  It went out yesterday around 6:30.  And it was HOT in here.  Or should I say I was hot.  bwhaahhaha.  And a hot me is not a happy me.  I can do without a lot.  But I can't be hot.  Perhaps that is my problem.  By the end of the evening all four girls had migrated downstairs to sleep on the couch, loveseat, and floor in the living room.  Megan ended up in bed with me.  To cuddle.  When it was 85 degrees in here.  By the morning I was worn out from being so hot. I waited until 9 a.m. and called maintenance.  Can I tell you how much I love that I can call maintenance and THEY COME AND FIX MY AIR?  FOR FREE.  I'm not sure I will ever look at homeownership again.  It didn't cost me a thing to have the repair done.  By the time I got home from work my apartment was a nice, cool oasis.  A beautiful puddle of coolness. 

Have I told you how much I hate to be hot?

I'm sick again!

This has been a rough summer for me in terms of sickness.  I can't believe that I can't shake this cold I have.  I've had two stomach viruses and now this.  I need to go back to the dr. to have labs run but trying to to find the time to go is almost impossible.  I'm shooting for next Saturday morning but my guess is they won't be open because it's Labor Day weekend.  I can't stand being sick. I don't have the time to be sick.  If i get sick then everything stops.  There is no one to come throw in a load of laundry for me.  No one to cook dinner, do dishes, etc.  I handle it all on my own.  It's just that when I'm sick it makes it so much harder to do all those things.  And yet they still get done.

I'm burning the candles at both ends.  Friday night Megan had a long promised slumber party at our house.  She ended up inviting 7 other girls which put my total at 11 girls.  It really was a lot of fun.  My friend Shannon stayed around until almost 10 p.m.  It was nice to talk with her almost uninterrupted.  I really like having kids at my house all the time.  I always wanted to be the Mom that had the kid house in the neighborhood.  Next Friday is the Camp Rock 2 viewing party at my house too.  This time it is not a slumber party.  Kids can come over, eat snacks, watch the movie, and then leave. 

Yesterday we went to Elsbeth and Jeremy's house to help them out a bit with moving into their very first house.  I don't know how much help I was but it sure was fun to be there in setting up their first house.  It is so sweet to watch this young, newly married couple start the life together.  Makes me a little wistful to be back at that time again.  Yet I wouldn't trade where I am at for anything. 

The First Day of School

School started last Tuesday.  5th grade and 2nd grade.  How did Megan get old enough to be in 5th grade?  The first day of school is always bittersweet for me.  I love that my girls get to be back to school with their friends.  The learn new things.  I'm not looking forward to the homework times 4.  It can be a bit overwhelming to find the time fix dinner, do laundry, baths, and homework.  Somehow though it all gets done.  To celebrate the first day of school I had a little surprise waiting for the girls when they got up in the morning on the first day:

I can tell you that Megan was NOT happy. She was worried about being embarrassed. I told her I just might do this to her on her first day of middle school. With balloons. And streamers. And whistles.

Abby wanted to know what kind of person paints her car.

Brigid and Caroline LOVED it.

I had people honking at me that morning.  Parents gave me thumbs up at the stoplight.  My fellow co-workers thought I was nuts.

I take my girls to work with me in the morning.  We have to be there at 7 a.m.  I am fortunate that my boss let me drive the girls to school that morning at 8:30.  We took our annual first day of school picture:

 Brigid, Megan, Mrs. French, Caroline, and Abigail posing in front of the school.  I like this picture.   The girls were happy to be there.  And Mrs. French even remembered it was our annual picture.  I love her.  The girls picked out their own outfits.  They do not like to match.  A friend commented on Facebook that it had to be no small feat to get the girls to school dressed and smiling.  Just realize that I do this everyday and we are at work by 7 a.m.  Call me Super Mom.

Into school we head to pose with Ms. Adamson, the trio's teacher:

Brigid, Caroline, Abby, and Ms. Adamson and yes that is an apple in Abby's hand.  Each girl brought their teacher an apple on the first day of school.  I love being corny. 

Megan with Ms. Moyo.

Ms. Moyo said she waited six years to say "Welcome to Fifth Grade."  I said I waited 10 years to hear her say that.

  I'm so busy all the time trying to maintain some sort of wonderful life for the girls so they don't ever feel a deficit because this is a divorced family and a multiples family.  I feel like I am missing them growing up. 

 My girls are growing up. 

Can someone hit pause?

Just for a little while.

St. Matthews Child Development Center

So here's some good news I haven't mentioned:  I am the new pre-kindergarten teacher at my preschool!!!  I am so looking forward to it.  Right now the school is starting a major remodelling of the pre-K classroom.  It already has a computer lab in it along with a wall-mounted, flat screen TV.  Now they are redoing the paint, floors, etc.  I know it will look spectacular when it is completed.  The room will me home to Nugget the bunny, Oliver and Precious the guinea pig, and two hermit crabs.  I love that the students get to interact with the animals on a daily basis.  We are putting together a new curriculum.  It's going to be wonderful!  Interested?  Here is the link for our website:  St. Matthews Child Development Center
Come check us out!!!

I'm sitting here on Saturday evening and relaxing. I've got Return of the Jedi on the TV, a diet Dr. Pepper in my cup, and a bag of Doritos.  The washer and dryer are going, I've been grocery shopping, and it is quiet.  It's quiet not because my girls are with their Dad but because my friend Shannon is having a sleepover involving all FOUR of my girls!  A very unexpected happening.  This morning the girls and I attended the preschool graduation at my school for 12 very special kiddos going off to Kindergarten. It was bittersweet.  Ms. Kimmerle, the pre-kindergarten teacher, has decided to persue her Masters degree in Applied Behavioral Analysis.  I wish her well but will miss her terribly.  After the graduation we headed to the St. Matthews Fire House for a birthday party for Colin, who turned 5.  It was wonderful!  The girls got a tour of the station and the fire trucks.  Shannon was at the party with her girls and asked if my girls wanted to come to a sleepover.  So now I have a free evening.

We've been so busy this summer I hardly have time to update my blog.  We've been to Calypso Cove, birthday parties, and any event related to school.  School starts Tuesday for the girls.  Fifth grade for Megan and second grade for Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline.  I'm excited for them but not looking forward to the homework.  I love that when we are done with work at 3:30 we come home and have the whole afternoon free.  We go to the pool and hang out with friends.  Once homework starts that will limit things.  Megan is already signed up for an afterschool activity.  She will be participating in Girls on the Run.  It's a non-competitive running program that focuses on self-esteem, exercise, running, and positive body image.  I'm thrilled for Megan.  The trio will be in Girl Scouts this year as well.  Brownies.  Or as the little girl that inspired my Caroline's name : "Bwownies".

Here are some pictures to highlight our summer:

Happy 7th Birthday Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline!

Christmas in July at Calypso Cove Waterpark at the Northeast YMCA

Our day of fun in June at Target Brigid, Caroline, Abigail, and Megan

Happy 4th of July Abby, Brigid, and Caroline

Megan waiting for funnel cakes at the 4th of July picnic

Brigid,  No other explanation needed

Caroline after an exhausting day

me (and my fat ass) at Deam Lake for Megan's 10th birthday, Caroline, Brigid, Abby, and Megan

Abby at Deam Lake

Megan's 10th birthday with our friends

11 kids and three adults

Brigid and Megan at Waterfront Park

After splashing at Waterfront Park the girls pose with singers from the Stephen Foster Show

Caroline and Brigid

Abby and Brigid at Waterfront Park with Caroline climbing in the background

Caroline

because sometimes you've just got to let the spirit move you

Megan at Waterfront Park

My Life

I haven't blogged much lately. Because I'm on Facebook all the time, I tend to do all my updates there.  But this one I wanted to share.   I finished doing the dinner dishes sometime around 6:15 or so.  I was just sitting on the couch zoning in front of iCarly.  I know. I'm 42.  I like iCarly.  I started to think about all the stuff I needed to do to get ready for the day tomorrow so I got off of my butt and got busy.  I went upstairs to get the bowl to the guinea pig cage.  We now have two guinea pigs, Ted E. Bear and Snap.  Yes we have two cats too.  Call me the Pet Whisperer.  I went into the trio's room to check on Caroline and her friend from a few doors down. They were building a fort under Brigid's loft bed and jamming to the Hannah Montana 3 CD.  That made me smile to see Caroline playing with a friend.  I went downstairs and saw Abigail on the laptop jamming to Hannah Montana videos.  Brigid was on the old computer playing a writing game.  I peeked outside and Megan was playing next to our townhouse with a whole bunch of kids.  It's funny how the most ordinary things that go on in families all over the country seem so extraordinary when you are living the life you have always dreamed of.  The years of heartache in trying to conceive, waiting for a baby, surgeries, failures, prayers all melted away in a single evening.  I have what I always dreamed of having.  I have what I always prayed for:  a house full of kids.  Now just how Blessed am I?

A quintuplet Mom and Dad

I received a FB email last week about a Mom in the hospital expecting quintuplets!  She and her husband already have 3 children and the quints were quite a surprise.  I wanted to put a link here in the hopes that anyone (especially in town) might be willing to help out.  I know she has said they are not looking for monetary help but surely any help would be appreciated.  She is going to need lots of people help once those babies come, especially with feeding.  Her three older siblings are going to need some attention too!!!  Here's the link to the newspaper article written about them.  Christy is in the hospital at almost 24 weeks along and will be there until her little ones are born.  Lots of prayers are needed!!!!http://newsandtribune.com/homepage/x1358983411/Expecting-the-unexpected-Jeffersonville-family-prepares-for-the-birth-of-quintuplets

My Nephew's Graduation

Evan graduated high school.  The Little Guy.  Mighty Mouse.  Evan Schmvan with the Meatball Butt.  I can't believe it.  Where did the time go?  That amazing little man that I held for the first time almost 18 years ago.  The little boy I took everywhere.  To Minnesota and Canada.  Movies.  Dinner.  Shopping.  Sleepovers.  That amazing little boy that had my heart from day one.  He is now ready to go to college. 

I often feel badly that once Megan came I didn't quite have so much time for him.  Then when Abby, Brigid, and Caroline came, Evan had to go to the end of the line.  I missed a lot of his growing up time.   Lost track of some of his life as he got older.  There is always guilt.  (I'm me.  Can't help it).

I think Evan is an amazing young man.  He leaves for college in August.  EKU.  He'll be hours away.  And I will feel sad that he is gone.  I think this young man will go far if he sets his mind to it. Farther than I think he is aware of.  That old cliche holds true: 

Evan, the world is your oyster.

FYI:  Evan graduated on June 5th. What would have been my Dad's 72nd birthday.  I know Papa was beaming from Heaven. 

Congrats.  I love you.

Getting ready to go onstage.

Brigid

Brigid in back, Marissa, Ana, and Abby

Getting engraved dog tags

Evan, Ana, and Erik-such a beautiful family (Cindy, where in the heck were you in this pic?)

Megan, Evan, me, Brigid, Abigail, and Caroline 

(poor Megan always looks so cute in her pics and then there are the squirrelly girls)

Brigid-or That Girl Did It Again

Brigid was screaming from the shower, "Mom I'm bleeding!!" I looked and saw that Brigid tried to shave her legs and cut herself in the process. Four bandages later as we are talking about never using a razor she proudly shows off how she managed to shave both arms and was almost done with one leg. Brigid turns 7 on the 28th and has pretty much given me all my gray hair.  Guessing I need to put my razor up higher...

OCD

I have OCD. 

My OCD is not the cliched problem that everyone thinks they have if they clean a lot.  Some days I think I would love to have my house that clean!

I have a lot of checking/re-checking habits.  I first realized I had OCD while watching Phil Donahue in 1990.  He had several people on who struggled with OCD.  I remember sitting in front of the TV in my room and bawling.  It was the first time I had heard what OCD was.  And I was relieved to hear that others suffered from the same thing. 

My family never realized that I had a problem because for the most part I hid it very well.  I used to stand in front of the stove after everyone went to bed and make sure all the knobs were lined up "right" before I could go to bed.  It was no uncommon for me to stand there for 2 hours making sure everything was right before I could go to bed.  I would be crying, desperate to go to bed but I just couldn't.  I made sure all the light switches were in their right positions.  I would do certain ticks with my throat/tongue.  There were certain ways I had to drive my car to ensure that I didn't hit anyone.  It was overwhelming.  It is hard to explain to people that I had to do these rituals and checking or someone in my family would die.  I knew in my head that I should just get over it.  Just go to bed.  Just stop.  I couldn't.  I felt like I had the fate of my family in my hands.  At least that is what I thought. 

I also have Trichotillamania.  http://www.trich.org/   Compulsive hair-pulling.  At one point in middle school I had twirled and pulled my hair so much in the back that it looked like I had burned  my hair off.  I still struggle with it today if I get particularly stressed.  Depending on what stress is in my life I will sometimes have no eyebrows. 

I realize that this sounds ridiculous but after watching the OCD Project on VH1 ( http://www.vh1.com/shows/the_ocd_project/series.jhtml I decided that I wanted friends and family to see that sufferers are real and not crazy.  After years of therapy and medication I can say that I am free of almost every ritual I had.  It's amazing how much better my life is now that I sought to treat my OCD. 

It is a real disorder and not something "all in my head."

http://www.ocfoundation.org/

I'm feeling better

Ok. 

So I've calmed down. 

I worked six hours today on my day off.   Not too bad actually.  I have a new classroom and it feels so nice.  Now I just have to do bulletin boards on Monday during naptime and it will feel much better.  The room I am in is twice the size of my old room.  It feels really nice. (I know I keep repeating myself.  I can't help it.  It feels really nice.)

I've made dinner for myself.  Tomatoes and mozzarella with balsamic vinegar and italian dressing, bagels, and proscuitto.  If I keep this up I may very well end up weighing 400 lbs.  I am very much an emotional eater.  I need to feel like I am pampering myself and this dinner will do the trick.  My kiddos won't eat this so it is my duty, my calling to consume this. 

Ok.  I think I may be getting slap-happy.  I'm thinking all that extra work may have done it.

I really know how to live things up on a Saturday night, don't I??

I can't ever come up with a clever post title...

Headed off to work today.  On a Saturday.  I did volunteer.  I'm moving my classroom to a bigger room so this is a good thing.  It's just that I feel my me time slipping away.  I of course have a mountain of laundry and a messy house.  I always do.  The only thing that changes is what is in the laundry pile and what crap I pick up off of the floor.  I'm having work friends over for a potluck on Friday.  I wanted us to get together outside of work.  I think it makes us better co-workers if we realize that we all have lives outside of the school building.  I really want to get the house put together before Friday.

I'm a little aggravated at the ex today.  Our settlement says I pick up kiddos when it is my time to receive them.  Not a problem.  I have to be at work by 7 a.m.  In order for me to do that I would have to pick up the girls by 6 a.m. on Monday morning now that they aren't in school anymore.  I asked the ex if he would bring the girls to my work/Megan's camp on Monday.  His response?  You can pick them up Sunday evening.  He said he had to be to work earlier than usual on Monday and that it is just too hard to drop the girls off and be to work on time.  Really?  Because that is what I do everyday of my life.  And I have us where we need to be by 7 A.M.  When I said that I really need my time alone and if I pick them up early I don't get all the time I need to get things done he responded with "that's ok, I'm taking them on vacation next week.  You can get your me time then."  This just royally pisses me off.  I don't get much alone time at all.  And yes we can get into the argument that I wanted this divorce, this is my fault, yada, yada, yada.   But damn.  When does this crap end?  I am trying to be flexible with him.  This benefits both of us.  I just wish he would think sometimes before he opens his mouth.   I put myself on the back burner all the time.  All the time.  I'm making more of an effort to do things for me so that I don't end up being the worn-out martyr that I often think my Mom was.  I want my girls to realize that I am a human being who needs friends, time to myself, and that sometimes Momma has to come first.  I try really hard to make sure that my weekends off are used to catch up on things, but to also squeeze some time in there for me.  It's looks like I won't get that this weekend.

(By the way?  I own this book.)

I'm griping here. 

Not feeling very positive. 

Trying really hard. 

It's not working.