5:30 a.m.

I called Pat's cell phone last night around 7 p.m. and talked to the girls. They told me they were having a wonderful time. They were watching a movie. They had been to a St. Louis Cardinals baseball game. They went to Chuck E. Cheese on the triplets' birthday. I was feeling really good about having the time off and easing up on my guilt ride (which I sometimes wear as armor). At 5:30 a.m. this morning, my phone rang. I fumbled for the phone and with blurry eyes I could see it was Pat's cell phone. By the time I answered it he had already hung up. So I frantically called him back positive that something horrible had happened. He answered and said that they couldn't find Abby's Mousey in the tent and were using the cell phone as a flashlight to see. They accidently dialed my number and everything was fine. I was feeling very relieved and then all of a sudden it hit me. Tent? What tent? I asked where they were. A long pause......"camping". That's Pat's usual code for "I took the girls to St. Louis without telling you." But they're already in St. Louis. Where are you? No answer. I asked if they were camping in his girlfriend's backyard. No answer. Then "yes." And that was the end of the phone call. I am fuming because their was no mention of camping in the phone call the night before. For some reason I think Patrick thinks I am trying to check up on HIM. But to be honest I don't care where HE is. We're divorced. If he moves to South Africa tomorrow I could care less. I want to know where the GIRLS are. It is my right as a parent to know where they are. I want to know they are safe. I want to know they are being taken care of properly. For some reason I can't get that message through to Pat. No matter what I do or say he thinks it is about him. It's not. It's all about the girls. It always will be about the girls. Friends say, "How nice, you have a whole week off, or you have a weekend off." But it's not nice. I worry the entire time about where the girls are. I try so hard not to say negative things about Pat on this blog. But for the last four years everytime they go with him I worry. Because he has been pretty consistent with NOT letting me know where the girls are or how they are. Two weeks ago he was taking them camping for a weekend. When they got back home I found out they went to St. Louis. No phone call, no email, nothing. Who does that? EVERYTIME I have taken the girls someone (such as the Aquarium in Ohio) I have notified him. I leave telephone numbers and names of hotels so that if he ever needed or WANTED to talk to the girls, then he had access. He has my work number, my home number, my cell number, my brother's number, and my friend Ali's number (hope that's ok Ali!) in case he ever needed something. And he takes the girls for a week and I don't get to know anything. So today I am mad. I am fuming. And I am sick with worry about where the girls are at now.