Sunday, Sunday

Seems like I feel introspective on Sundays.  This morning I am enjoying life.  I had a group of triplet Moms over last night for a potluck.  It was so nice to hear everyone talk about their lives and how similiar we all feel about raising multiples.  Of course no triplet get together would be complete without the laughing about the usual line of questions we get when we are out in public.

• Are they all yours?
• Are they natural?
• Did you have much help when they were babies?
• Did you breastfeed them all?  (Seriously you are going to ask a complete stranger about her breasts?)
• Do they all have the same Dad?
• Do they all have the same birthday?
• Do triplets run in your family?
• Your husband must be outnumbered with all those girls.
• I'd shoot myself if I had triplets.
• Are you going to try for any more?
• Are you going to try for a boy?

I've been doing this for 8 1/2 years.  The questions never change.  I was assured when the girls would get older that we wouldn't get the comments anymore.  No such luck.

I had a great time last night.  This morning I had brunch with Ali.  I haven't hardly seen her in months.  Our lives are just so damn busy all the time.  We are too busy putting everyone else first.  It's nice to put us first.

I spent all day yesterday cleaning the first floor of my apartment.  I definitely did not give birth to 3 organized young ladies.  This afternoon I took Petey on an hour long walk around the area complete with a stroll down Mellwood Ave.  Petey is kind of a baby and freaked when a car passed so I ended up carrying him a part of the way.  No problem as that just added to the workout.  We are doing the Biggest Loser at work and I intend to win a pot of money and a day off with pay.  GREAT incentive!

I hear my big brother is getting married again.  I've not had the chance to meet her so I'm going to see if they want to come over one night for dinner.  Should be interesting.  I'm glad to hear he is happy.  We don't see each other much.  In fact it's been since last February.  We are definitely not alike and the only thing we have in common is that we are family.  That's ok.  I've worked really hard building a family out of my friends.  I have an amazing village!

I need to tackle the ginormous pile of laundry that has built up again.  I hate doing laundry.

So far it's been a great start to 2012. 

Twilight

One of the joys (sarcasm intended) of having diagnosed OCD (I stress diagnosed because too many people claim to have OCD because they like to clean a lot) is the fact that I obsess over a lot of things. Lots of people obsess about things.  That's normal.  With OCD, I not only obsess I obsess with a compulsive edge.  

Here's an example.  Last year there was a cup at work that I like to drink from.  It was big enough to hold ice and a can of diet Dr. Pepper.  Oh let's be honest here.  It was diet Dr. K.  As in Kroger.  It's cheap.  But I digress.  Every morning I would race to the kitchen to make sure my cup was there.  If it wasn't clean or someone else had claimed it I just knew that my day would suck.  It became a compulsion to get that cup to keep from having my day suck.  Had this been before my diagnosis and meds, I would have cried about not having that damn cup.  I would have gotten up early to make sure I got it before anyone else.  I would have taken it home with me and kept it in my purse to ensure I would have it the next day.  If I had it then I knew my day would be perfect.  After many weeks I finally had to make the choice to get different cups every morning to break the cycle of the OCD.

I still obsess about things.  A lot of times I'll obsess over a person on FB and what that person is doing.  I'll call Ali or email Megan B. and point out things about the person I'm obsessing about.  Eventually I'll have to stop looking at that person's profile so I break the cycle. 

I'm thankful that after a short while I will recognize when my interest in something is actually becoming an obsession which leads to the damn compulsion.

Right now my obsession is Twilight.  Damn.  I can't believe I got hooked into either.  Now I can't stop watching the movies and reading the book.  I'm still on the first book and finally saw the first Twilight movie today all the way through.  I've seen the other 3 a bunch of times.   Right now I am not at the compulsion stage.  I can walk away from it to do something else and not feel like something awful will happen if I don't watch the movie or read the book. 

I've been thinking a lot about why it's my newest passion.  It's because at the very simplest level, it's a love story.  Forget the vampires and wolves and whether Bella and Edward's relationship is abusive.  Or the fact that they are 18 and loving this deeply.  Ok Edward is like 109 years old.  He still acts and looks like an 17 year old.  It's a romantic story where they love each other so much they will endure anything to stay together.  The scenes that get me the most are Edward's proposal to Bella in Eclipse and their wedding/honeymoon in Breaking Dawn.  The proposal is so romantic and old-fashioned that I swear I swoon everytime I see it.  And don't even get me started on that beautiful wedding!  

I write a lot about missing being in love.  I'll say that on FB and I get lots of responses about how I should be thankful I'm not married and dealing with the guy's mess, farts, neediness, or any other negative thing about being with a guy.  I miss love  and all the wonderful feelings that go with it.  I miss that all consuming passion for someone that I don't think I could live without. 

I guess I'll just keep watching Twilight and swoon over how yummy Edward is.

At least I don't have to deal with his farts.

Yes!

I needed this reminder this morning.  Funny how God manages to make sure we see things when it's needed:

That's how I'm going into 2012.  I've learned and been through so much that I no longer say "good riddance" to the previous year.  Without the previous year I wouldn't be where I am today.  Good or Bad.  In my head I should have been in a big house in Lake Forest with an adoring husband and maybe 10 kids (ala the Duggars) while I am a stay-at-home Mom.  Instead I'm a single Mom in an apartment with no husband and only 4 kids.  Not what I planned but let's face it.  If I hadn't ended up in this place in life, my Faith would have NEVER increased 100 fold.  There's something to be very thankful for. 

I'm not much for resolutions because mine are basically the same every year.  So instead here are some goals I am pretty sure I can attain:

• attending the Seminary
• taking a trip to Florida over Spring Break to let my sister's ashes go on a beach the way she always wanted
• potty training Petey
• having more fun with girls than should be allowed
• moving/buying a house/condo
• getting in shape

It seems like a lot!!

The girls and I found a condo we really, really want.  I can't buy a house until I'm 3 years out from the sale of my house/foreclosure.  That's Oct. 29 of 2012.  It's for rent.  And I think I can afford the rent for a year.  My lease doesn't end until Apr. 1.  I just have to keep praying that it's God's will that we end up there.  Here's the link:

http://www.homes.com/listing/155152228/LOUISVILLE_KY_40206

I actually lived in that complex when my parents first moved to Louisville in 1983.  The outside isn't much but the inside is gorgeous!!  We love it!

So that's it.  Happy New Year's Eve!!!

Single Parent burnout

I think I might be suffering from it.  I'm tired today.  Pretty much everyday.  I woke up with a killer migraine today.  I'm having a lot of those lately.  It sucks.  I'm still internalizing  everything from work.  I'm trying to let things roll off my back.  It's hard.  Let's be honest.  No one likes to be disliked.  (Thanks Jeremiah).  It hurts.  And just so you know?  When you exclude people from a get together after work?  We notice.  And it hurts our feelings.  'nuff said.

It's been a long day with the girls.  Even though I had a killer migraine I still had to do things around the house.  I had to go to Family Dollar and Kroger.  I'd never been in a Family Dollar until a few months ago.  Now it's my go to place for things like toilet paper and dish soap.  I found 3 shirts in there for me that were $2 and $3 apiece.  ChaChing!  I hit Kroger (the Dirty as our city calls it because it earned that nickname several years ago) and ran into 2 friends from Field and ended up talking with some old lady about the big game tomorrow.  U of L vs. UK.  This city will shut down for a few hours for that game.  I realized AGAIN that I have become my Mother.  I would CRINGE every time I went someone where with my Mom and she would end up talking with anyone anywhere.  I now do the same.

I had the girls pick up the living/dining room and kitchen.  We Petey proofed it.  Then I blocked off the upstairs so Petey can't go up there.  Thanks to that move, Petey only had one accident today and it was by the front door.  He still hasn't figured out how to tell us he needs to go.  With the upstairs blocked off he can't go upstairs and pee, poop, or  chew.  Very successful day for Petey!

I did THREE load of dishes.  I was so behind in the kitchen.  I made lunch and dinner.  Did 3 loads of laundry.  It's been so long since I have been able to just take care of me when I am sick.  No matter what my girls still need things from me during the day.  No one is patient enough with Petey to take him outside so that is my job.  It's easy to see how burnout occurs in single parents.  I imagine it happens to married parents as well.  At least if you are married you can tag team.  If one is out with the dog, the other is cooking dinner.  If one goes to Kroger, the other does laundry.  In theory at least.  Yes I get a weekend off every two weeks (again, in theory).   It's just that for the two weeks leading up to that weekend it is an unending assault on my abilities as a parent.  And call me crazy but I don't want to just do the bare minimum.  My girls need my time.  It's not their fault their parents are divorced.  It's not their fault that their Dad doesn't step up to the plate the way he should and be involved in a PRODUCTIVE, HELPFUL, POSITIVE way.  It's all on me.

It's a good things my girls are so dang lovable.  That fact alone keeps me going.  And I keep replaying a phrase in my head that I heard on a former TLC show "Table For Twelve".  I'm Facebook friends with Betty.  During an interview on the show they made a comment that was something to the effect of "It's not my time right now.  It's their (the children) time.  When they are grown it will be our time."  That is what keeps me going.  It's not my time right now.  So I'll keep getting up everyday and keep going. 

Except for tomorrow.  It's Saturday.  I'm sleeping in.  That translate to about 8 a.m. if I am lucky.

Oh and in Brigid's words, "Happy New Year's Little Eve."

I fell asleep tonight on the couch.  Cuddled with the dog.  While watching Twilight.  Megan was on a date.  No not really.  Had you worried didn't I?  My boss took her to go see Warhorse.  Megan loved it!!  I'm glad that my boss and Megan got the chance to hang out together and see a movie about horses.  I couldn't take the trio to see it.  Too long and not enough cartoon.  :)  I had visions of myself sitting on that couch not too far off in the distant future waiting for Megan to come home from a date.  Not sure I liked it! 

Today was a long day.  Still issues at work.  I still don' think I'm cut out for this.  The best part of the job is getting to interact with all the kiddos.  I really love that part of my job.  I love being with kids.  Kids are much easier to handle than adults.  No hidden agendas.  No gossip.  What you see is what you get.  I LOVE talking with parents about their most favorite little people.  I know I picked the right profession.  Just not sure I'm cut out to handle being the boss. 

We've been pretty busy here in the last several weeks.  Poor Abby cried everyday this week that we weren't getting home in time for her to play with her friends before it got dark.  Finally today it was sunny and we got home at a decent time and then her friends weren't home!!  That poor kid!  So I've promised that we will not go anywhere this weekend so she can play.  Works for me.  I'll be buried under piles of laundry anyway. 

I'm back on a diet plan.  Again.  Here's hoping I can stick to it.  Waaayyyy too much junk food at work this holiday season.  Plus my boss and a few other teachers want to do a Biggest Loser contest.  I'm thinking if we are able to help each other out then maybe this will work.  That and public humiliation with having our weights posted for all of SMCDC to see.  We rented Just Dance 3 from Red Box tonight and I got a really good work out from that.  The girls and I had fun doing it.  One thing is for sure.  I have absolutely no coordination!   I imagine it must be painful to watch me dance.  That's ok.  Poor Caroline is exactly like me.  It's a wonder that we don't injure each other when we dance.

Nothing exciting or epic today.  I kinda like it that way.

Catch you here tomorrow.  Same Bat time.  Same Bat channel.  (good grief.  What a dork.)

Shit Happens

Yes it does.  I've often wondered if my life is a result of the choices I make or I make the choices I do because of what life presents to me.  I seem to have an extraordinary amount of shit that happens.  Here is how my day went today:

I worked from 7:15 a.m. (OK I was late to work so it was 7:21 a.m.) until 5 p.m last Wednesday.  That last hour was off the clock because I was waiting for my little visitor's Mom to call and talk to here at my school.  Instead of just sitting and chatting with my boss I ended up doing some work too.  I can't NOT work at my job.  Drives me nuts. 

Oh did I mention my visitor? Her parents are in Russia meeting their new children they will be adopting in just a few short months.  I volunteered to keep the 4 year old.  I was honored that they agreed to it.  So for 9 days we had 5 kiddos in this house.  2 cats. 1 dog.  And a partridge in a pear tree.

But I digress. 

During my rather lengthy work day I took an hour (damn it was more like an hour and half.  Good thing my boss likes me.) long lunch break to run errands all around this town.  I came home to let the dog pee and then hit a few places to finish up some holiday things. 

After work all 6 of us headed to Target to pick up my high blood pressure meds.  Lord knows why I'm on high blood pressure meds.  Could be the kids...

I then took all 6 of us to the mall.  I had promised the girls we would go to Glitter.  Glitter is an accessories version of the Dollar Tree.  Everything's a dollar and then have every type of accessory known to woman.  My girls like to go there because they can pick anything they want in the store.  Tonight I had promised they each could get ONE item.  That's $5.  Of course once we got there and I saw how excited they were, I upped it to TWO items.  Then it was off to the food court where we had to visit FIVE different restaurants to meet everyone's different mealtime needs.  I swear it took a half hour just to order. 


Here's where the choices thing comes into play.  I couldn't really afford last Wed.  evening.  I should have put that money to use elsewhere.  I need new tags and brakes on my car.  I need to see a doctor for my ankle because I am pretty damn sure I broke my ankle again  at work.  I can barely move my last two toes.  And it is swelling like crazy.  I have so many other needs for that money.  Yet I spent it on trinkets at a dollar store and on dinner.  I keep going back to a statement that Chloe said on her blog (http://www.chloeofthemountain.com/).  "Poor kids need ice cream too."  My girls needed this visit to the mall and I needed to give it to them.  I got lots of hugs and kisses and thank yous.  My little visitor kept saying, "Thank you Ms. Kristina!" 

Here's my favorite part of the evening.  While riding in the car, Abby will often make up songs about what is going on in her life.  Tonight she was singing as was Caroline and Brigid.  Megan sits next to me and tells me how stupid the girls sound.  My little visitor was singing too.  Then Megan said, "Mom listen to M's singing!  M was singing, "I love Harrigan Mother,  I love Harrigan Mother,  She is very pretty and I love her."  

Guess who's heart melted that day.

Sunday was Christmas.  A nice relaxed Christmas.  It was pretty low key.  The girls got new bikes.  What a gift to me to be able to see their smiling faces on Christmas morning when they saw 4 new bikes in my living room.  Who needs a present when you get to see that??  Brigid's favorite gift was a pink guitar.  A nice parent from my school today even tuned it up for her.  Yes she brought it into my school.  She wants to learn to play so I can put a video on youtube ala Justin Bieber. 

Santa also put 3 presents under my tree too.  I was not expecting that.  Needless to say I cried like a baby when I opened the gifts.  A bottle of wine, pink hippo jamas, lotions, and my favorite...aloe infused thermal socks!  In pink no less!!  Happy feet=happy me.  :)

I could not have made this possible if it were not a few wonderful friends from my village.  Thank you Katy, Laurene, Kim, Cindy R. and Cindy B.  God Bless you!!!

At work today I had to say something to a few employees about the way something was being done.  I've been told before that I am too blunt.  I try not to pussyfoot around.  I've had too much go on in my  life to stay quiet anymore.  I refuse too.  I have learned that so much more gets accomplished if I just say what I am thinking more or less.  Well it wasn't taken well and I ended up getting the silent treatment and unkind things said about me to others.  I'm not sure I'm cut out to be a boss.  My feelings get hurt too easily.   I do feel like it was a case of "shooting the messenger".  I understand that as well.  It just hurts when all I'm doing is MY job and I get treated poorly.  It hurts.  And it makes me think I might not be cut out for doing this job.  The worst part is I take it home to my kids.  That's not fair on my part.  Do you know when I realized that?  While eating tacos at dinner.  Petey the dog (who if he eats one more pair of my shoes might be looking for a new home) decided he needed a bite of Brigid's tortilla.  He looked much like the dogs from the movie UP.  The girls were going to laugh but then stopped because I guess they figured I might get mad.  I WAS in a grumpy mood.  Yet I couldn't help but start laughing at the dog and my poor girls' responses to the dog.  We ended up belly laughing over this stupid dog!!!! 

So tomorrow I'm going to get up, put my big girl panties on (have you seen my size??) and go into work and do the best job I can do.  That's all I can do.

Megan was thrilled tonight because I finally figured out how to add minutes to the cell phone Santa gave her.   She (and I) was beginning to think I wasn't going to add minutes to it.  Thank goodness with a phone call and a half hour on the computer, she was able to make a phone call.  Wanna know who it was to?  Go ahead.  Guess.

Her Dad.

Now if I could only figure out how to add music to her MP3 player from the computer.  We are at 2 hours and counting with me trying to do it.  Ugh.  Maybe this weekend.

 

Caroline has a spinal MRI scheduled in January and her appointment with the neurosurgeon.  It's looking more and more like she may have the same Chiari surgery that Brigid had.  At least this time I can do this.  Same surgery, different kid.

I am glad that Christmas is over.  Looking forward to New Year's Eve and the month of January.  As a teacher I always dreaded January because curriculum-wise it was always a bit boring.  As an adult, I look forward to January and new possibilities.  It always feels like a month of hope.  I read on an aol.com news feed that a woman was killed by a hit-and-run driver.  She had, in her pocket, a note that she carried around everyday.  Her bucket list.  She had things on it like "buy a house by 45" or "start a gay and lesbian group home for teens".   I don't think I have a bucket list as much as I have a goal for 2012.  Maybe a few goals.  A new place to live.  Possibly buy a house.  New possiblities.  And as much as I deny it, someone to love and someone to love ME.  I miss being in love with someone.   So here's to praying that 2012 brings me that. 

"I need somebody to love.  I don't need too much, just somebody to love.  Girl I swear I just need somebody to love."

Holy crap I've been listening to waaayyy to much Justin Beiber in the car.

Chiari Girls

That's what Caroline calls herself and Brigid.  Today was the follow-up appt. to establish Brigid's new normal after her Chiari surgery last March.  Dr. Moriarty pulled up Brigid's MRI pictures from yesterday and couldn't stop smiling.  He was very proud of himself.  He should be.  I couldn't believe the difference from her MRI in February right before her surgery.  Her brain looked beautiful!!  NO symptoms at all!  This is exactly what I was praying for!!!  She still has a bit of fluid collection so we will keep on eye on things.  She does not need to have another MRI for an entire year!!  Hooray!!!!  She still has some limits on trampolines and bouncy houses.  No tumbling.  But otherwise a clean bill of health!!    This is where my faith is renewed AGAIN!! 

Caroline on the other hand will have an MRI scheduled.  Her Chiari symptoms are much worse.  She is having exertion headaches almost daily.  I hate that she feels so badly.  Monday she got mad at Abby outside and came running up to while I was outside with Petey.  She stopped, grabbed the back of her head, and started crying.  Apparently these headaches have been going on at school too and she just isn't telling anyone.  Dr. Moriarty said if there has been ANY change in her MRI then we are a go for surgery.  I have mixed feelings.  I DO NOT want Caroline to experience any of the pain poor Brigid had to have.  But I also want Caroline to be healthy.  At this point I'm going to try not to worry too much about anything.  At least we've been through this before and know what to expect.  I won't have as many questions.  Brigid can prepare Caroline for what to expect.  We can handle this again. 

I did experience what has to be a definition of hell today.  Anytime we have an appt. at Dr. Moriarty's I know there will be a long wait.  WE brought snacks, homework, and activities to do.  That was fine for the first 45 minutes in the waiting room.  The hell came from the HOUR stuck back in that little white cubicle they call an examine room.  With 4 girls.  Shit.  We played games, read, did more homework.  We even did what a brilliant triplet Mom suggested we do and we drew on the white paper covering the exam table.  That got us about 45 minutes in but those last 15 minutes were awful!!  Ugh!!  I wish they would put a little TV in there.  Or computer games.  Maybe a recliner and small refrigerator.  Something to help pass the time.  By the time we got home after 2 long hours, I volunteered to take Petey outside just so I could have some decent space around me.  I need to decompress.  The funny thing was each one of the girls separated themselves to different rooms in the house.  They needed the space too!

Now I'm going to ask a favor.  Dear friends leave tomorrow morning for Russia to meet their new children.  They will be gone until next Friday.  Please pray that they have safe travels and that everything goes as planned in Russia.  Please pray for their new children and their child they already have.  Thank you!