Ok. So don't laugh. I joined eharmony. I know. Goofy right? But really. Where am I going to meet anyone? I don't go to bars. Never really did as a young person either. All the men I know are married to my friends. I work with all women. So I thought I would take this route. I'm not expecting miracles. Do I think I'll find Mr. Right this way? I don't know. But I do like the idea of going out for dinner with someone other than a 9 year old and three 6 year olds. I'm pretty ok with being a single person. There are MANY things I like about being single. As my friend Ali puts it I get to be selfish. Right now I am sitting on my couch, watching the Olympics, eating wings from Ginny's Diner, and having complete quiet. I don't have to argue with anyone about what's on TV. No one suggesting I do some errand or job around the house. It's just me deciding what I do with my time. I get to be the boss. :) There are many perks. And yet I still wouldn't mind having someone in my life besides my girls. So I'll see where this takes me.
And while thinking about meeting someone new it got me thinking about how I should explain my life. Where I'm at now, I'm not embarrassed about. I work hard. I've given my girls a pretty good life. But there are a lot of things in my recent past that are hard to explain. Then this thought hit me (right before I took a much needed/much wanted nap): My life has been like a road. Yes I know it is a cliched way to explain things, the much travelled highway and all. After the triplets were born I wanted to travel down the road of being a stay-at-home Mom. I got to do that for awhile. And I didn't want it to end. When I separated from my ex I still tried to travel down that road. I used all my energy and effort to continue down that road. I tried dating people I thought might let me go down that road. I tried everything to continue down that road even when it wasn't possible anymore. The road was turning and I didn't want it to so I kept running into the guardrail. I'd hit it, take a few steps back, then run into it some more. I tried so hard even to the detriment of everyone around me. I'd just keep going back and running into that guardrail. And blaming everyone because the road had turned and no one was helping me go straight. I was mad because I thought no one could see that the road was still straight but me. Everyone around me was telling me it was time to turn but I just didn't listen. Then something interesting happened. I stopped. And realized the road had turned. At first I went along with the bend in the road. Thinking if I turned down the road just a little then I could back up and go down the road I wanted. So little by little I started to follow the bend in the road. It was hard. I worked and struggled and worried. Curiously I noticed as I followed the bend things got easier. I discovered I kind of liked following the bend. I felt good about myself for the first time in a long time. I noticed that I was a strong person. And living life following the bend felt good.
Now I'm following a different road. And I'm proud of myself for how far I've come. Proud of myself for finally realizing that the road I'm following is new and different and totally ok. I know my girls will look back on this time and realize the progress I've made for them. The road I'm following isn't mapped out anymore. It's free and open to all sorts of possibilities. I now realize that not knowing where this road is taking me is a good thing. I'll just continue to follow it and (cliche approaching) enjoy the ride.
My Life in a Nut Shell
3 surgeries for Endometriosis, countless medications, and lots of difficult years trying to conceive. We put the medical stuff on hold and decided to work on being parents instead. In July of 2000 we were blessed beyond all measure with a phone call announcing the birth of our daughter, Megan. Megan's birth mother had given birth the day before and was leaving the hospital. We had no warning that Megan was coming. At 4:29 in the afternoon we were a couple, at 4:30 we were parents. Deciding that we wanted a sibling for Megan, we looked into all our options. This time insurance covered IVF. One round and we were blessed with triplets, Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline. Did you know that there is a 70% chance of divorce in families of Higher Order Multiples? Almost two years after the triplets were born my ex-husband and I separated and eventually divorced. During that time both my Mother and Father passed away from cancer. In February of 2007 my sister came to live with us to help out. In December of 2008 she had to leave so now it is me on my own with the girls. In February 2010, Lisa passed away and finally found her own Peace.