I have found that since I go without a lot that the things that make me the most happy are small. Starbuck's, a consignment store, and I know there will be a book store in my future today as well. I love books. Everything about them. And I really love bookstores. I walk in and I feel an instant calm come over me. I can spend hours in a store just trying to find the perfect book. I really don't read fiction. My real life has been crazy enough that I don't find someone's made up story very interesting. I love to read about life. Real life. How people cope when faced with all sorts of situations. I could write my own book about survival. It's been a hell of a few years and I've managed to come out somewhat unscathed. Somewhat being the key word. I've lost some of my joy in the last few years. Losing my parents, my Mom in particular, changed me unlike any other event. She was my best friend. I didn't go a day without speaking to her. On my honeymoon, vacations, it didn't matter. She was my go to person for everything. I didn't really know my Dad. Not until my Mom died anyway. In that last 15 months of his life I came to know a man I wish I had known all my life. Then losing my sister. That's been rough. Still a lot of guilt there. I wish I had the person back that I knew without drugs. Losing my marriage was hard. I loved Patrick. I just couldn't live with him anymore. The girls asked me last night at dinner if I hated him. No I don't hate him. Then they asked if I still loved him. I replied that at some level I still do. I made 4 children with him. How could I not still have feelings for him? Does that mean I would ever get back with him? No. I've moved on. I just don't have those hateful feelings toward him. I wish him the best. I really do. If for no other reason than I want him to do well for our daughters.
Whoa, that was getting a little heavy. Must be the coffeehouse atmosphere and the Earl Grey Tea. :) (Can I tell you how much I love this tea?)
So an update about our lives:
The girls are in their last week of school. I am so happy! No more homework for a few months! Woohoo!!! Today is field day at Field. That's fun to say. Megan had a picnic yesterday. She has a swimming field trip on Friday. We found a great swimming suit at Target for $8. It is blue and green with dots all over it. Last night was her choir concert. It was just wonderful. Her choir teacher has done an amazing job with those kids.
At the picnic yesterday I came in a bit late. I didn't leave work until after 12. I walk up to the park and went over to her group of friends that she usually hangs out with. No Megan. No one knew where she was at. I finally walk around and find her way over on the other side of the tennis courts with a boy from her class and his Mom. Megan was with no of her friends. I noticed this at her awards banquet as well. Megan is a very private kid and doesn't talk about her true feelings very well. It is very hard for her to be forthcoming about what is going on in her head. She has made a few comments about not having friends at school. And yesterday I saw it for certain. I have my theories about what is going on with her. I'm going to find time to really sit down with her and talk about things. I'll update you later.
The trio continue to drive me crazy. I suppose that is what triplets do best. Brigid is so smart it is scary. The are evaluated in school with a reading test called the DRA. The highest they test through is 5th grade. Brigid is testing beyond that. Her reading ability is amazing. And the older she gets the more she looks like me. Which is funny because her nickname as a baby was "Mini-Pat" because she looked like his carbon copy.
Caroline is just the sweetest girl I have ever known. She is me. (No giggles here Cindy). Everything makes her happy. She is reading at the end of the second grade level. She is very quite around others. She has a best friend named Charlotte. And even a boyfriend. She said he gets in trouble a lot but that is ok because he makes her smile. At the Girl Scout sleepover Caroline arranged her bed off by herself. All the other girls were grouped up together but not Caroline. At one point all the girls were in front of the TV watching a movie. Not Caroline. She was off by herself rolling around on the floor with her didi. In pure joy with her didi. She is simultaneously adorable and odd. As I've always said she is delightfully odd.
Abby is my powder keg. She goes off on a moments notice about anything. And I do mean anything. She has this explosive temper that scares me sometimes. But as quickly as she explodes she can calm down again. Her DRA score was 3 at the beginning of the year. She hated school. She didn't want to do anything. She told her teacher on the first day of school that she "doesn't write so I'm not going to do that." Her score should be a 16 by the end of the year but it was a 12. Which for Abby is HUGE. Her teacher and I are so happy with her progress. I always said that I knew the lightbulb would come on. As a teacher I worry when it doesn't come on by the end of first/beginning of second and it is coming on for Abby. I'm going to work with her this summer to keep her reading at level.
When we moved to this apartment I promised the girls that we would do something special. Nasty lady doesn't live under us anymore. So we had a slumber party last Friday. There were 11 girls at the house ranging in age from 6 to 10. It went really well. I was amazed at how well it went. All these Moms kept telling me I was nuts for having that many girls at my house. But really when you think about it, it is what I do for a living. I work around children all the time. My whole life is child-focused. The only difference between my job and the party was that I didn't get paid and I got some sleep. The last child fell asleep at 12:45 and she was up by 6. I didn't fall asleep until 1:30. So we all were a little tired on Saturday. But we just took it easy. We ran some errands and just had some fun. Some real fun. On Sunday we went to Calypso Cove, the water park at the YMCA. It was packed!!! We had fun. I ran into a friend and her two daughters so Shannon and I hung out while the kids played. It was so much fun. Relaxing fun. It was as I had always invisioned my life. Hanging out with a friend while the kids played. The only negative to the day was that I got really burned. I used sunscreen but apparently not enough. My tattoo on my leg got really burned and swelled up. It was hard and painful. I've been putting ice on it at home. Today is the first day it hasn't been throbbing. Next time I'm coating that thing with a ton of sunscreen.
Abby, Brigid, and Caroline
I read a magazine and Caroline swam!
Saturday night I'm going to see Sex and The City 2 with Cindy and Shannon. Tickets have been bought and I am so excited. Dinner out and a movie. This will hurt financially but I don't care this time. I want a very grown-up evening out. I'm sure there will be heels and Cosmopolitans involved. :)