Headed off to work today. On a Saturday. I did volunteer. I'm moving my classroom to a bigger room so this is a good thing. It's just that I feel my me time slipping away. I of course have a mountain of laundry and a messy house. I always do. The only thing that changes is what is in the laundry pile and what crap I pick up off of the floor. I'm having work friends over for a potluck on Friday. I wanted us to get together outside of work. I think it makes us better co-workers if we realize that we all have lives outside of the school building. I really want to get the house put together before Friday.
I'm a little aggravated at the ex today. Our settlement says I pick up kiddos when it is my time to receive them. Not a problem. I have to be at work by 7 a.m. In order for me to do that I would have to pick up the girls by 6 a.m. on Monday morning now that they aren't in school anymore. I asked the ex if he would bring the girls to my work/Megan's camp on Monday. His response? You can pick them up Sunday evening. He said he had to be to work earlier than usual on Monday and that it is just too hard to drop the girls off and be to work on time. Really? Because that is what I do everyday of my life. And I have us where we need to be by 7 A.M. When I said that I really need my time alone and if I pick them up early I don't get all the time I need to get things done he responded with "that's ok, I'm taking them on vacation next week. You can get your me time then." This just royally pisses me off. I don't get much alone time at all. And yes we can get into the argument that I wanted this divorce, this is my fault, yada, yada, yada. But damn. When does this crap end? I am trying to be flexible with him. This benefits both of us. I just wish he would think sometimes before he opens his mouth. I put myself on the back burner all the time. All the time. I'm making more of an effort to do things for me so that I don't end up being the worn-out martyr that I often think my Mom was. I want my girls to realize that I am a human being who needs friends, time to myself, and that sometimes Momma has to come first. I try really hard to make sure that my weekends off are used to catch up on things, but to also squeeze some time in there for me. It's looks like I won't get that this weekend.
(By the way? I own this book.)
I'm griping here.
Not feeling very positive.
Trying really hard.
It's not working.
My Life in a Nut Shell
3 surgeries for Endometriosis, countless medications, and lots of difficult years trying to conceive. We put the medical stuff on hold and decided to work on being parents instead. In July of 2000 we were blessed beyond all measure with a phone call announcing the birth of our daughter, Megan. Megan's birth mother had given birth the day before and was leaving the hospital. We had no warning that Megan was coming. At 4:29 in the afternoon we were a couple, at 4:30 we were parents. Deciding that we wanted a sibling for Megan, we looked into all our options. This time insurance covered IVF. One round and we were blessed with triplets, Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline. Did you know that there is a 70% chance of divorce in families of Higher Order Multiples? Almost two years after the triplets were born my ex-husband and I separated and eventually divorced. During that time both my Mother and Father passed away from cancer. In February of 2007 my sister came to live with us to help out. In December of 2008 she had to leave so now it is me on my own with the girls. In February 2010, Lisa passed away and finally found her own Peace.