More stuff

Man it's been awhile since I have blogged. 

I always wonder where the time goes.  I get up, go to work, come home, do more work, and go to bed.  And somewhere in there is such a flurry of activity.  I rarely stop moving yet some weeks I don't feel like I accomplish much.  What do I have to show for all the activity I do?

 I hope that on some level I am accomplishing raising 4 wonderful human beings.  That all this work will show up as something positive years down the road.  That in the whole big grand scheme of things my work will be something positive when my girls are adults.  Yet when I look at everything I do day-to-day it just always feels the same.  A whole lot of work on the treadmill of life.  It's the same dishes I wash, the same carpet I vacuum, the same floor and bathrooms I clean, the same clothes I wash (but never fold or put away).  It's the same job I go to, the same homework battle, the same reminders to wash your feet, put your shoes away, hang up your backpacks, eat over your plate.  Some days I just want to collapse under the weight of all this work that doesn't show much of an immediate payoff.

 Friends tell me when my girls get older they will respect all that I have done for them.  Only I have to admit it is hard to work so hard without some sort of compensation right now.  No I didn't become a parent for immediate gratification.  I realize parenting is viewed in the long term.  It's just hard to get up everyday and keep moving. 

I worry that my girls will remember the times I got mad, or frustrated, or frazzled.  I read another parent's blog where he talks about "breaking" a child's spirit.  Will my girls remember the times I may have lost my temper or said something unkind?  I am human and it does happen.  Or will they remember me getting up at 5:15 a.m. to get everything ready to start our day? 

Now I'm thinking I may have just gotten a little to deep for a beautiful Saturday afternoon.

I'm off to do more of the same ol'....