Man it's been awhile since I have blogged.
I always wonder where the time goes. I get up, go to work, come home, do more work, and go to bed. And somewhere in there is such a flurry of activity. I rarely stop moving yet some weeks I don't feel like I accomplish much. What do I have to show for all the activity I do?
I hope that on some level I am accomplishing raising 4 wonderful human beings. That all this work will show up as something positive years down the road. That in the whole big grand scheme of things my work will be something positive when my girls are adults. Yet when I look at everything I do day-to-day it just always feels the same. A whole lot of work on the treadmill of life. It's the same dishes I wash, the same carpet I vacuum, the same floor and bathrooms I clean, the same clothes I wash (but never fold or put away). It's the same job I go to, the same homework battle, the same reminders to wash your feet, put your shoes away, hang up your backpacks, eat over your plate. Some days I just want to collapse under the weight of all this work that doesn't show much of an immediate payoff.
Friends tell me when my girls get older they will respect all that I have done for them. Only I have to admit it is hard to work so hard without some sort of compensation right now. No I didn't become a parent for immediate gratification. I realize parenting is viewed in the long term. It's just hard to get up everyday and keep moving.
I worry that my girls will remember the times I got mad, or frustrated, or frazzled. I read another parent's blog where he talks about "breaking" a child's spirit. Will my girls remember the times I may have lost my temper or said something unkind? I am human and it does happen. Or will they remember me getting up at 5:15 a.m. to get everything ready to start our day?
Now I'm thinking I may have just gotten a little to deep for a beautiful Saturday afternoon.
I'm off to do more of the same ol'....
My Life in a Nut Shell
3 surgeries for Endometriosis, countless medications, and lots of difficult years trying to conceive. We put the medical stuff on hold and decided to work on being parents instead. In July of 2000 we were blessed beyond all measure with a phone call announcing the birth of our daughter, Megan. Megan's birth mother had given birth the day before and was leaving the hospital. We had no warning that Megan was coming. At 4:29 in the afternoon we were a couple, at 4:30 we were parents. Deciding that we wanted a sibling for Megan, we looked into all our options. This time insurance covered IVF. One round and we were blessed with triplets, Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline. Did you know that there is a 70% chance of divorce in families of Higher Order Multiples? Almost two years after the triplets were born my ex-husband and I separated and eventually divorced. During that time both my Mother and Father passed away from cancer. In February of 2007 my sister came to live with us to help out. In December of 2008 she had to leave so now it is me on my own with the girls. In February 2010, Lisa passed away and finally found her own Peace.