Twilight

One of the joys (sarcasm intended) of having diagnosed OCD (I stress diagnosed because too many people claim to have OCD because they like to clean a lot) is the fact that I obsess over a lot of things. Lots of people obsess about things.  That's normal.  With OCD, I not only obsess I obsess with a compulsive edge.  

Here's an example.  Last year there was a cup at work that I like to drink from.  It was big enough to hold ice and a can of diet Dr. Pepper.  Oh let's be honest here.  It was diet Dr. K.  As in Kroger.  It's cheap.  But I digress.  Every morning I would race to the kitchen to make sure my cup was there.  If it wasn't clean or someone else had claimed it I just knew that my day would suck.  It became a compulsion to get that cup to keep from having my day suck.  Had this been before my diagnosis and meds, I would have cried about not having that damn cup.  I would have gotten up early to make sure I got it before anyone else.  I would have taken it home with me and kept it in my purse to ensure I would have it the next day.  If I had it then I knew my day would be perfect.  After many weeks I finally had to make the choice to get different cups every morning to break the cycle of the OCD.

I still obsess about things.  A lot of times I'll obsess over a person on FB and what that person is doing.  I'll call Ali or email Megan B. and point out things about the person I'm obsessing about.  Eventually I'll have to stop looking at that person's profile so I break the cycle. 

I'm thankful that after a short while I will recognize when my interest in something is actually becoming an obsession which leads to the damn compulsion.

Right now my obsession is Twilight.  Damn.  I can't believe I got hooked into either.  Now I can't stop watching the movies and reading the book.  I'm still on the first book and finally saw the first Twilight movie today all the way through.  I've seen the other 3 a bunch of times.   Right now I am not at the compulsion stage.  I can walk away from it to do something else and not feel like something awful will happen if I don't watch the movie or read the book. 

I've been thinking a lot about why it's my newest passion.  It's because at the very simplest level, it's a love story.  Forget the vampires and wolves and whether Bella and Edward's relationship is abusive.  Or the fact that they are 18 and loving this deeply.  Ok Edward is like 109 years old.  He still acts and looks like an 17 year old.  It's a romantic story where they love each other so much they will endure anything to stay together.  The scenes that get me the most are Edward's proposal to Bella in Eclipse and their wedding/honeymoon in Breaking Dawn.  The proposal is so romantic and old-fashioned that I swear I swoon everytime I see it.  And don't even get me started on that beautiful wedding!  

I write a lot about missing being in love.  I'll say that on FB and I get lots of responses about how I should be thankful I'm not married and dealing with the guy's mess, farts, neediness, or any other negative thing about being with a guy.  I miss love  and all the wonderful feelings that go with it.  I miss that all consuming passion for someone that I don't think I could live without. 

I guess I'll just keep watching Twilight and swoon over how yummy Edward is.

At least I don't have to deal with his farts.