Miracles Do Happen

Miracles do happen.  They really do.   Yesterday I was frustrated.  Today I am stunned.  I believe that God works in ways we will never truly understand while we are here on this planet.

Today was the first Sunday of Sunday school for the girls.  This is a Sacremental year for Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline.  They will be taking their first Eucharist (Communion) in May.  I gave my ex the information for where to go today and drew a map.  I did this knowing that he would not take them.  I was hoping that he would.  He would not take Megan during her First Eucharist year.  He had told me that I couldn't dictate what he did with the girls on his Sundays.  So Megan went every other Sunday.  I did the extra work with her at home during the weeks that she did not go to Sunday school.  In five years the girls have gone to Sunday school
 every other weekend they were with me.

I got up this morning and got dressed.  I drove to church (late as usual) so that I could attend the parent meeting that was scheduled while Sunday school was going on.  I walked to the trio's class first to let the teacher know that the girls were not there and that I was.  I walked in the room and stopped dead.  There sitting in desks were Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline.  And there was my ex.  Taking notes as the teacher was talking.  I can tell you that I felt the spirit of God at that moment.  I wanted to go and hug my ex.  I was thrilled, stunned, overjoyed, and Blessed all at the same time. 

Do you understand how huge this was?!?

After the teacher dismissed the parents, Patrick walked with me to the cafeteria.  He sat next to me.  We listened and to be honest, I prayed.  Prayers of thankfulness.  Afterwards I introduced Patrick to the Pastoral minister and the minister in charge of children's programs.  He gave her is email address.  We talked.  The girls finished up.  And then they left with him. 

I stayed for Mass.  And I prayed.  And I prayed.  And I prayed.  This moment renewed my faith in God.  God really does work in mysterious ways. 

I am so thankful.

Frustration and Sadness

All rolled into one.  Here's the thing.  I want the girls to see their Dad.  I really do.  I'm not blowing smoke up anyone's ass about it.  My girls need their Dad.  I, on the other hand, do not need him.  I've said it before and I'll say it again (I might add that I've said this to him as well):

I can row this boat by myself.  I'm already doing it.  The girls and I have made a life without him.  We function day in and day out without him.  We go to work, school, eat, sleep, and play all on our own.  It's nice to get the every other weekend break for myself to go run errands, catch up on housework, etc.  But I can totally do all that with the girls every single day.   

The visitation time is for the girls.  When he continuously shows up ove an hour late each and everytime it's his visitation then I get frustrated.  We sit and wait.  THE GIRLS sit and wait.

 Today I had enough.  I'm not sitting here on pins and needles wondering when he is coming!!!  By 10:15 we were showered, out the door, and actually in my car driving out of the apartment complex to go run errands.  I have things to do.  I can't sit and wait.  I'm sure he doesn't think I have a life but really I do.  He pulls up next to me and gets out.  I get out. 

My response?  "Dude you are over an hour late.  Your pick up time is 9:00 a.m.  I have things to do and I can't sit and wait for you.  You don't hardly see the girls and when it's your time you come late and drop them off early!"

 I'm done.  I told him he has until 9:30 a.m.  Pick them up on time or don't come at all because in two weeks we will be gone by 9:30 a.m.  I don't feel I'm being unreasonable!  Pick them up on time and bring them back on time.  CALL if you are going to be late!!!  Email me, something! 

I handed him the info about Sunday school.  I had him directions, times etc.  Anyone want to take a bet as to whether he actually takes them?

Now here's where the sadness comes in.  After they leave I get back in my car to go run the errands I needed to run.  Target, Whole Foods, Kroger.  As I'm  heading into Kroger I walk passed Brigid's Godparents.   I say hi.  We awkwardly talk.  Brigid's Godfather is pleasant.  Brigid's Godmother?  She chats but I can tell she doesn't want to talk.  The reason?  I have a big mouth.  Being a single Mom to 4 children necessitates having a big mouth.  I need to be able to stand up for myself and take care of my girls.  I'm not afraid to ask for what I want or need for the girls.  It's a gift.  And a curse.  When the ex and I separated I was not nice to Brigid's Godmother.  She had been friends (ex-girlfriend actually) of my ex.  They had a history together.  I did not feel she was supportive of me and my decision to leave my ex.  So I opened my big mouth.   I typed a nasty email and actually hit SEND.

And here we are.

 No matter what I say to her to apologize it won't ever be enough.  I don't think she understands why I left my ex.  I don't think she understands that I've tried to include my ex in the girls' lives.  I don't think she understands.  So I imagine she dislikes me immensely.  Can't say I blame her to some extent.  But I feel sadness.  I feel sadness because they said they don't see the girls much.  They are always welcome to take the girls during my time.   I feel sadness that I lost a friend.  Divorce sucks.  It brings out the worst emotions.  Unfortunately friends are divided in a divorce.   In  Brigid's Godparents' case, the ex got them and I didn't. 

So I feel sadness.  Frustration and sadness.  Not a way to spend a Saturday. 

Our Weekend

A pretty good weekend.  Yesterday we hung out and played.  My plan was to take the girls on a number of errands early Saturday morning.  The problem was when I got up  to go take a shower I did not have any clean underwear.  None.  Not even a cute pair of thong underwear (how's that for an image).  So instead of running errands we cleaned house while I did a load of the finest pairs of granny panties this side of the Mississippi.

Then  I might have had a slight (ok major) meltdown about the shape of this apartment. 

Does anyone here know how to put stuff away?

So I laid down the law.  Clean up or no outside time, friends time or a scheduled sleepover.  Amazing what a little motivation (and yelling) can accomplish. 

After, the girls went out to play.  I showered (cause that's how I roll) and got dressed.  I went to the neighbors' house to collect my girls.  I told them we were going errand running and my neighbors very kindly (and amazingly) watched my girls so I could grocery shop BY MYSELF!!  Woohoo!  I ended up with an hour and a half of kid-free shopping.

I came home, unloaded the groceries, and got the girls back.  Threw Megan in the shower and then drove her to her a sleepover for a friend's birthday.  While there my friend, S, was dropping off her oldest daughter.  I was going to take the trio out to dinner to KT's and invited S and her younger daughter too.  I had three free coupons for kids' meals and S had a coupon for a buy one/get one adult meal.  So for almost nothing we had dinner!  IT was lovely!  How nice it was to go out to dinner on a Saturday evening!  On occasions like that my Mom would always say, "I wonder what the RICH people are doing tonight!" 

After dinner S ran to her house to get her oldest's sleepover clothes (she didn't realize it was a sleepover) and I took the girls and her youngest to Conez and Coneyz for dessert.  Brigid won free ice cream from there on Friday night.  Right next door is Heine Bros. Coffee where Caroline won a $5 gift card.  So it was basically an almost free night!!

After saying goodbye to S and her daughter we came home, put jamas on, popped popcorn, and watched a movie. That is when Caroline said to me:

 "God is wonderful.  He created this lovely evening and he created our love!" 

Then she gave me a kiss!! That child is amazing!!!

 The girls slept on the couch in the living room. 

We got up this morning, went to pick up Megan, and went to a pancake breakfast at our church.  Megan and Abigail were wonderful during church.  When I complimented Abby she said:

 "That's because I like being with God."

I am amazed with the spirituality of my girls!!  After church we went to the pet store to buy bedding for the guinea pigs and then went to the mall.  My friend M had been telling me about a store called Glitter.  It has accessories for $1.  My girls thought it was super because I told them they each could pick out two things.  Any two things.  It's easy to be generous when it's only $1.

We came home and have been hanging out the rest of the day.

In other words,  a really wonderfully normal day.

My Fat Ass

I have a fat ass.  I'm not proud of it but I can't hide it either.  There are lots of reasons why but really, I just love to eat.  I'm not always a junk food kind of gal.  I like second portions.  Sometimes third portions.  Excuse me while a digress just a bit.  I'm getting ready to make a point. 

Tonight the local public swimming pool in Crescent Hill had a neighborhood block party sponsored by a local councilwoman.  It's free and we've gone for 4 straight years.  There's free pizza, drinks, dessert, music, and door prizes.  The girls love to go.  So do I.  We all threw on our swimsuits and headed for the pool.  It was a bit chilly tonight with the high not quite reaching 70 degrees.  There was no decision making in the fact that I was going to swim with my girls.  For an hour and half we ate, swam, and laughed.  Megan spent most of the evening with her friends.  When it came time for the door prizes drawing, we headed in to see who had won.  Abigail won a t-shirt, Brigid won a gift certificate to Coneys and Conez, and Caroline won a gift card to Heine Bros. coffee.  Megan did not win and I thought she might be mad.  After chatting with her I reminded her that she was going to a slumber party tomorrow night and she seemed ok with that.  I had a blast with the girls in the pool.  The water is heated, it wasn't crowded and we just laughed and laughed.

Now back to my fat ass. (I'm hoping no future employers read this and hold my potty mouth against me.)  I mention it because out of all those parents there I only saw maybe 3 or 4 of them in the water!  Only one other Mom and the rest were Dads.  Really?  Why would you bring your kids to the pool and not get in the water with them?  If it's time for your cycle then I could maybe see skipping the water.   But for what other reason would you have for not getting in the water and enjoying your kids?  Surely it can't be because you don't want someone to see you in your swimsuit.  Here's what I look like in mine:

It's not pretty and I know that but I'm not going to let my doughy, out of shape, fat ass keep me from enjoying my time with my kids!!!  Nothing should ever keep you from enjoying your time with your kids!!  I have looked like a fool on numerous occasions while enjoying time with my girls.  And really when you think about it there will be a time when my girls won't want me around.  They won't want me to be in the pool with them.  They'll want to enjoy their friends.  When they tell me NOT to be with them then I will respect that.  I will feel a little sad but I will respect them. 

Until then the world will be subjected to my fat ass and all it's lumpy loveliness.  'Cause I know my kids won't remember the size of my ass in that swimsuit.  They will remember the fun we had together when I didn't let my self-consciousness affect our joy.

First Eucharist

I received Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline's First Eucharist schedule today via email.  We attend St. Bernedette (formerly Mother of Good Counsel).  I am so excited!  I can't believe my babies are going to be old enough to do this!!  Wow.  I remember the feelings I had when I realized Megan was old enough.  Now the trio will be going through all this too.  I did not grow in a religious household.   Dad was an atheist.  He taught us to always question  the validity of religion.  He said he was looking at facts.  What he didn't realize is that so much of believing is in FAITH.  Mom believed.  She was very spiritual.  She always said she had vision of Heaven.  When she knew she was dying she wasn't sad about where she was going.  She was sad about who she was leaving.  My family believed I became Catholic because of Patrick.  He certainly helped me.  What I couldn't ever get my family to understand was that when I walked intFio church I felt like I was home.  My faith has brought me through sooooo much.  I fully and truly believe that God has a plan for all of us.  IT may not be the plan we want but it is the plan God wants.  And how exciting that my girls are being raised to feel that faith in everything they do!!

Now I am on the look out for First Eucharist (Communion) dresses TIMES THREE!!!  Let the shopping begin!!

Ugh

Another harrowing day in the life of SuperMom.  Can you feel the sarcasm?  Rough day.  It started with a paycheck mishap that was taken care of, included a student taking a swing at me, a missed lunch break, grocery shopping, homework Hell, bedtime misery, and then finally calm. 

I want to take this moment right now and apologize to all the parents of students I ever taught for sending home busy work for homework.  We teachers are often required to send home work.  I used to send home busy work.  And for that I apologize.  Because now I am on the receiving end of said busy work. 

Brigid FLIES through it.  Half the time she gets it done before the other 3 even have their pencils out. 

Megan will complete hers without help as long as it isn't math.  If it's math that goodnight nurse.  Megan cries.  Megan whines.  Megan gets mad. 

Caroline needs a little pushing to get done.  She is so careful and detailed in her work that it takes her a bit longer to finish her homework.

And then there's Abby. 

My sweet Abby who sat at the table tonight and said, "I'm so mad I just want to break pencils!"  She goes through this flurry of activity that includes the above mentioned Megan actions.  By the time she finishes the performance, she has wasted more time than if she actually did the work. 

If I were back in a public school classroom I would push for no homework.  The teachers don't like to give it, the kids don't like to do it, and it drives the parents nuts.  I know there are schools across the country that are starting to push for the no homework plan.  Or at least homework that means something.  Writing spelling words 5 times each is busy work.  Seek and finds?  Busy work.

 Ugh. 

I already miss the summertime and those carefree evenings where all we had to decide is what should we do as a family for fun?  Isn't that what all families should be looking for in the evenings?  We've been apart at our jobs and school all day doing, for the most part things, we don't want to do.  Parents get off work and they are tired and stressed trying to squeeze in the time to make dinner, do laundry, cut grass, give baths, etc.  Add to that stressful evening the joys of trying to get kids to do work they don't want to do and it is just pure Hell.  I would rather spend that time with my girls sightseeing, doing physical activities, reading, being with friends.  You know the really important stuff.  (said without a hint of sarcasm)

So I want to reiterate.  Parents I am sorry.  I think I'll go write 100 sentences on the chalkboard. 

I will not give homework. I will not give homework...

My New Haircut

I like to change my hair quite often.  I love to change the color.  It's been every color under the sun.  Black, brown, red, blonde, pink, and orange.  The pink and orange were from an unfortunate coloring accident.  I had jet black hair with white highlights.  Call it my midlife crisis.  The roots were growing out and I decided to go back to blonde, my original color.  I bought the new color and began.  By the time I was done I had the most beautiful blonde hair.  On my roots.  The rest of my hair was in waves of color that went from blonde, to pink, to magenta, to orange to gray and finally to jet black.  $200 later and 6 HOURS in a salon chair and my hair was back to blonde.  I won't make that mistake again. 

This weekend I decided to get my hair cut.  Short.  It turned out really well but it needs to be a bit shorter.  I'm done with fooling with my hair for awhile.  I want to wash it and go.  Unfortunately I am rather a somewhat large girl.  So my body now reminds me of a peanut sitting on a watermelon.  Here's the cut:

It's not too bad.  I still want it shorter on top.

And because I hate having my picture taken and I was the only one at home to take my picture I now present you with the unfortunate attempts at getting a picture where I don't look like a total dork:

I also took a picture of Abigail and Brigid's three year old school pictures when they were at Mother of  Good Counsel:

This is Abigail.  I'm hoping this isn't a sign of things to come.  You know, mugshot and all.  Four years later and I still crack up everytime I see this picture.  Poor Abby.

And then there's Brigid.  I love the look on her face here.  I think it captures her stinkerness.  Brigid was a stinker at 3.  And at 4.  5 too.  And until she was 6 1/2.  Now, as Brigid puts it, she is pleasant.  Sometimes she is the only one being pleasant (her words too).  I just love this kid.