I shall be wearing my pearls at half-staff today. Leave it to Beaver's Mom passed away yesterday at 94.
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20434928,00.html
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Why It's Good to Be a Kid
My girls are loving where we live. There is the lovely group of kids their age that live a few doors down. Maybe 12 or so boys and girls. They got busy a few days back with some throw away boxes, sticks, and such. This is what they created:
That's Brigid in the black. I love Megan's head peeking out from the box.
Here comes Abby!
There is such creativity here! I love that they were allowed to be creative in their own way. They spent hours creating and building.
I love where I live. I really love it. I love that my girls are enjoying their lives. To me this is what childhood is all about. I hope these are fond memories for the girls the way they are for me.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Breast Cancer Awareness Month
In honor of my ex-stemother-in-law (my ex's stepmother), Sandy, our blog is going pink for October. She is a 10 year survivor!!! Ladies schedule those mammograms!!!!!!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Reality Check
Sometimes a reality check is all you need...
“When all is said and done, life is grocery shopping, laundry, and weeding the back yard - but when the mundane becomes enjoyable because of the company you're in, you've found the right place”.--unknown
“When all is said and done, life is grocery shopping, laundry, and weeding the back yard - but when the mundane becomes enjoyable because of the company you're in, you've found the right place”.--unknown
Saturday, October 2, 2010
More stuff
Man it's been awhile since I have blogged.
I always wonder where the time goes. I get up, go to work, come home, do more work, and go to bed. And somewhere in there is such a flurry of activity. I rarely stop moving yet some weeks I don't feel like I accomplish much. What do I have to show for all the activity I do?
I hope that on some level I am accomplishing raising 4 wonderful human beings. That all this work will show up as something positive years down the road. That in the whole big grand scheme of things my work will be something positive when my girls are adults. Yet when I look at everything I do day-to-day it just always feels the same. A whole lot of work on the treadmill of life. It's the same dishes I wash, the same carpet I vacuum, the same floor and bathrooms I clean, the same clothes I wash (but never fold or put away). It's the same job I go to, the same homework battle, the same reminders to wash your feet, put your shoes away, hang up your backpacks, eat over your plate. Some days I just want to collapse under the weight of all this work that doesn't show much of an immediate payoff.
Friends tell me when my girls get older they will respect all that I have done for them. Only I have to admit it is hard to work so hard without some sort of compensation right now. No I didn't become a parent for immediate gratification. I realize parenting is viewed in the long term. It's just hard to get up everyday and keep moving.
I worry that my girls will remember the times I got mad, or frustrated, or frazzled. I read another parent's blog where he talks about "breaking" a child's spirit. Will my girls remember the times I may have lost my temper or said something unkind? I am human and it does happen. Or will they remember me getting up at 5:15 a.m. to get everything ready to start our day?
Now I'm thinking I may have just gotten a little to deep for a beautiful Saturday afternoon.
I'm off to do more of the same ol'....
I always wonder where the time goes. I get up, go to work, come home, do more work, and go to bed. And somewhere in there is such a flurry of activity. I rarely stop moving yet some weeks I don't feel like I accomplish much. What do I have to show for all the activity I do?
I hope that on some level I am accomplishing raising 4 wonderful human beings. That all this work will show up as something positive years down the road. That in the whole big grand scheme of things my work will be something positive when my girls are adults. Yet when I look at everything I do day-to-day it just always feels the same. A whole lot of work on the treadmill of life. It's the same dishes I wash, the same carpet I vacuum, the same floor and bathrooms I clean, the same clothes I wash (but never fold or put away). It's the same job I go to, the same homework battle, the same reminders to wash your feet, put your shoes away, hang up your backpacks, eat over your plate. Some days I just want to collapse under the weight of all this work that doesn't show much of an immediate payoff.
Friends tell me when my girls get older they will respect all that I have done for them. Only I have to admit it is hard to work so hard without some sort of compensation right now. No I didn't become a parent for immediate gratification. I realize parenting is viewed in the long term. It's just hard to get up everyday and keep moving.
I worry that my girls will remember the times I got mad, or frustrated, or frazzled. I read another parent's blog where he talks about "breaking" a child's spirit. Will my girls remember the times I may have lost my temper or said something unkind? I am human and it does happen. Or will they remember me getting up at 5:15 a.m. to get everything ready to start our day?
Now I'm thinking I may have just gotten a little to deep for a beautiful Saturday afternoon.
I'm off to do more of the same ol'....
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Miracles Do Happen
Miracles do happen. They really do. Yesterday I was frustrated. Today I am stunned. I believe that God works in ways we will never truly understand while we are here on this planet.
Today was the first Sunday of Sunday school for the girls. This is a Sacremental year for Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline. They will be taking their first Eucharist (Communion) in May. I gave my ex the information for where to go today and drew a map. I did this knowing that he would not take them. I was hoping that he would. He would not take Megan during her First Eucharist year. He had told me that I couldn't dictate what he did with the girls on his Sundays. So Megan went every other Sunday. I did the extra work with her at home during the weeks that she did not go to Sunday school. In five years the girls have gone to Sunday school
every other weekend they were with me.
I got up this morning and got dressed. I drove to church (late as usual) so that I could attend the parent meeting that was scheduled while Sunday school was going on. I walked to the trio's class first to let the teacher know that the girls were not there and that I was. I walked in the room and stopped dead. There sitting in desks were Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline. And there was my ex. Taking notes as the teacher was talking. I can tell you that I felt the spirit of God at that moment. I wanted to go and hug my ex. I was thrilled, stunned, overjoyed, and Blessed all at the same time.
Do you understand how huge this was?!?
After the teacher dismissed the parents, Patrick walked with me to the cafeteria. He sat next to me. We listened and to be honest, I prayed. Prayers of thankfulness. Afterwards I introduced Patrick to the Pastoral minister and the minister in charge of children's programs. He gave her is email address. We talked. The girls finished up. And then they left with him.
I stayed for Mass. And I prayed. And I prayed. And I prayed. This moment renewed my faith in God. God really does work in mysterious ways.
I am so thankful.
Today was the first Sunday of Sunday school for the girls. This is a Sacremental year for Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline. They will be taking their first Eucharist (Communion) in May. I gave my ex the information for where to go today and drew a map. I did this knowing that he would not take them. I was hoping that he would. He would not take Megan during her First Eucharist year. He had told me that I couldn't dictate what he did with the girls on his Sundays. So Megan went every other Sunday. I did the extra work with her at home during the weeks that she did not go to Sunday school. In five years the girls have gone to Sunday school
every other weekend they were with me.
I got up this morning and got dressed. I drove to church (late as usual) so that I could attend the parent meeting that was scheduled while Sunday school was going on. I walked to the trio's class first to let the teacher know that the girls were not there and that I was. I walked in the room and stopped dead. There sitting in desks were Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline. And there was my ex. Taking notes as the teacher was talking. I can tell you that I felt the spirit of God at that moment. I wanted to go and hug my ex. I was thrilled, stunned, overjoyed, and Blessed all at the same time.
Do you understand how huge this was?!?
After the teacher dismissed the parents, Patrick walked with me to the cafeteria. He sat next to me. We listened and to be honest, I prayed. Prayers of thankfulness. Afterwards I introduced Patrick to the Pastoral minister and the minister in charge of children's programs. He gave her is email address. We talked. The girls finished up. And then they left with him.
I stayed for Mass. And I prayed. And I prayed. And I prayed. This moment renewed my faith in God. God really does work in mysterious ways.
I am so thankful.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Frustration and Sadness
All rolled into one. Here's the thing. I want the girls to see their Dad. I really do. I'm not blowing smoke up anyone's ass about it. My girls need their Dad. I, on the other hand, do not need him. I've said it before and I'll say it again (I might add that I've said this to him as well):
I can row this boat by myself. I'm already doing it. The girls and I have made a life without him. We function day in and day out without him. We go to work, school, eat, sleep, and play all on our own. It's nice to get the every other weekend break for myself to go run errands, catch up on housework, etc. But I can totally do all that with the girls every single day.
The visitation time is for the girls. When he continuously shows up ove an hour late each and everytime it's his visitation then I get frustrated. We sit and wait. THE GIRLS sit and wait.
Today I had enough. I'm not sitting here on pins and needles wondering when he is coming!!! By 10:15 we were showered, out the door, and actually in my car driving out of the apartment complex to go run errands. I have things to do. I can't sit and wait. I'm sure he doesn't think I have a life but really I do. He pulls up next to me and gets out. I get out.
My response? "Dude you are over an hour late. Your pick up time is 9:00 a.m. I have things to do and I can't sit and wait for you. You don't hardly see the girls and when it's your time you come late and drop them off early!"
I'm done. I told him he has until 9:30 a.m. Pick them up on time or don't come at all because in two weeks we will be gone by 9:30 a.m. I don't feel I'm being unreasonable! Pick them up on time and bring them back on time. CALL if you are going to be late!!! Email me, something!
I handed him the info about Sunday school. I had him directions, times etc. Anyone want to take a bet as to whether he actually takes them?
Now here's where the sadness comes in. After they leave I get back in my car to go run the errands I needed to run. Target, Whole Foods, Kroger. As I'm heading into Kroger I walk passed Brigid's Godparents. I say hi. We awkwardly talk. Brigid's Godfather is pleasant. Brigid's Godmother? She chats but I can tell she doesn't want to talk. The reason? I have a big mouth. Being a single Mom to 4 children necessitates having a big mouth. I need to be able to stand up for myself and take care of my girls. I'm not afraid to ask for what I want or need for the girls. It's a gift. And a curse. When the ex and I separated I was not nice to Brigid's Godmother. She had been friends (ex-girlfriend actually) of my ex. They had a history together. I did not feel she was supportive of me and my decision to leave my ex. So I opened my big mouth. I typed a nasty email and actually hit SEND.
And here we are.
No matter what I say to her to apologize it won't ever be enough. I don't think she understands why I left my ex. I don't think she understands that I've tried to include my ex in the girls' lives. I don't think she understands. So I imagine she dislikes me immensely. Can't say I blame her to some extent. But I feel sadness. I feel sadness because they said they don't see the girls much. They are always welcome to take the girls during my time. I feel sadness that I lost a friend. Divorce sucks. It brings out the worst emotions. Unfortunately friends are divided in a divorce. In Brigid's Godparents' case, the ex got them and I didn't.
So I feel sadness. Frustration and sadness. Not a way to spend a Saturday.
I can row this boat by myself. I'm already doing it. The girls and I have made a life without him. We function day in and day out without him. We go to work, school, eat, sleep, and play all on our own. It's nice to get the every other weekend break for myself to go run errands, catch up on housework, etc. But I can totally do all that with the girls every single day.
The visitation time is for the girls. When he continuously shows up ove an hour late each and everytime it's his visitation then I get frustrated. We sit and wait. THE GIRLS sit and wait.
Today I had enough. I'm not sitting here on pins and needles wondering when he is coming!!! By 10:15 we were showered, out the door, and actually in my car driving out of the apartment complex to go run errands. I have things to do. I can't sit and wait. I'm sure he doesn't think I have a life but really I do. He pulls up next to me and gets out. I get out.
My response? "Dude you are over an hour late. Your pick up time is 9:00 a.m. I have things to do and I can't sit and wait for you. You don't hardly see the girls and when it's your time you come late and drop them off early!"
I'm done. I told him he has until 9:30 a.m. Pick them up on time or don't come at all because in two weeks we will be gone by 9:30 a.m. I don't feel I'm being unreasonable! Pick them up on time and bring them back on time. CALL if you are going to be late!!! Email me, something!
I handed him the info about Sunday school. I had him directions, times etc. Anyone want to take a bet as to whether he actually takes them?
Now here's where the sadness comes in. After they leave I get back in my car to go run the errands I needed to run. Target, Whole Foods, Kroger. As I'm heading into Kroger I walk passed Brigid's Godparents. I say hi. We awkwardly talk. Brigid's Godfather is pleasant. Brigid's Godmother? She chats but I can tell she doesn't want to talk. The reason? I have a big mouth. Being a single Mom to 4 children necessitates having a big mouth. I need to be able to stand up for myself and take care of my girls. I'm not afraid to ask for what I want or need for the girls. It's a gift. And a curse. When the ex and I separated I was not nice to Brigid's Godmother. She had been friends (ex-girlfriend actually) of my ex. They had a history together. I did not feel she was supportive of me and my decision to leave my ex. So I opened my big mouth. I typed a nasty email and actually hit SEND.
And here we are.
No matter what I say to her to apologize it won't ever be enough. I don't think she understands why I left my ex. I don't think she understands that I've tried to include my ex in the girls' lives. I don't think she understands. So I imagine she dislikes me immensely. Can't say I blame her to some extent. But I feel sadness. I feel sadness because they said they don't see the girls much. They are always welcome to take the girls during my time. I feel sadness that I lost a friend. Divorce sucks. It brings out the worst emotions. Unfortunately friends are divided in a divorce. In Brigid's Godparents' case, the ex got them and I didn't.
So I feel sadness. Frustration and sadness. Not a way to spend a Saturday.
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