My sister is dead. Boy is that a hard thing to type. Really it is an even harder thing to say. Lisa has died. A dear friend came by my work today to tell me. The coroner thinks it was suicide.
Damn. Fuck. Damn.
I knew this would happen. This wasn't the first attempt she has made to take her own life. But it was certainly the most successful.
Please excuse me if I insult anyone with my thoughts. I'm not trying to. I'm just letting the words flow as they enter my head.
Hell, this is my blog and I'll cry if I want to.
No, I'm not cracking up. I just find that when I am feeling really bad I write and then I don't feel so bad anymore. Maybe if I put all these thoughts down then they won't have the power to make me feel sad anymore.
I posted here not too long ago about the troubles I knew she was having. I asked for prayers and now I'm asking for them again. And not for myself. And not for Lisa. She is in Heaven now. I truly believe that. She is not in pain anymore. Not tortured or sad or depressed or anything. She is at peace. I ask them for everyone who has wondered why. Why did this beautiful, smart, warm. loving, caring woman not know how to find peace here on Earth? Why? Why weren't we able to get through? Why couldn't she see how much we loved her and cherished her and wanted her to be around? Why? I can't help but feel sadness and anger that she just couldn't get it. I MISS HER. I LOVE HER. AND SHE IS NOT HERE!
I'm just so very sad. I'll get through this. I've gotten through everything else. And I'll survive this too. I'm a survivor.
As I pointed out to more than a few people today I now will have to write a third obituary for someone in my family. I did it for Mom and Dad. And now I get to do it for Lisa.
My Life in a Nut Shell
3 surgeries for Endometriosis, countless medications, and lots of difficult years trying to conceive. We put the medical stuff on hold and decided to work on being parents instead. In July of 2000 we were blessed beyond all measure with a phone call announcing the birth of our daughter, Megan. Megan's birth mother had given birth the day before and was leaving the hospital. We had no warning that Megan was coming. At 4:29 in the afternoon we were a couple, at 4:30 we were parents. Deciding that we wanted a sibling for Megan, we looked into all our options. This time insurance covered IVF. One round and we were blessed with triplets, Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline. Did you know that there is a 70% chance of divorce in families of Higher Order Multiples? Almost two years after the triplets were born my ex-husband and I separated and eventually divorced. During that time both my Mother and Father passed away from cancer. In February of 2007 my sister came to live with us to help out. In December of 2008 she had to leave so now it is me on my own with the girls. In February 2010, Lisa passed away and finally found her own Peace.