My Life in a Nut Shell

3 surgeries for Endometriosis, countless medications, and lots of difficult years trying to conceive. We put the medical stuff on hold and decided to work on being parents instead. In July of 2000 we were blessed beyond all measure with a phone call announcing the birth of our daughter, Megan. Megan's birth mother had given birth the day before and was leaving the hospital. We had no warning that Megan was coming. At 4:29 in the afternoon we were a couple, at 4:30 we were parents. Deciding that we wanted a sibling for Megan, we looked into all our options. This time insurance covered IVF. One round and we were blessed with triplets, Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline. Did you know that there is a 70% chance of divorce in families of Higher Order Multiples? Almost two years after the triplets were born my ex-husband and I separated and eventually divorced. During that time both my Mother and Father passed away from cancer. In February of 2007 my sister came to live with us to help out. In December of 2008 she had to leave so now it is me on my own with the girls. In February 2010, Lisa passed away and finally found her own Peace.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Lisa

My sister is dead. Boy is that a hard thing to type. Really it is an even harder thing to say. Lisa has died. A dear friend came by my work today to tell me. The coroner thinks it was suicide.

Damn. Fuck. Damn.

I knew this would happen. This wasn't the first attempt she has made to take her own life. But it was certainly the most successful.

Please excuse me if I insult anyone with my thoughts. I'm not trying to. I'm just letting the words flow as they enter my head.

Hell, this is my blog and I'll cry if I want to.

No, I'm not cracking up. I just find that when I am feeling really bad I write and then I don't feel so bad anymore. Maybe if I put all these thoughts down then they won't have the power to make me feel sad anymore.

I posted here not too long ago about the troubles I knew she was having. I asked for prayers and now I'm asking for them again. And not for myself. And not for Lisa. She is in Heaven now. I truly believe that. She is not in pain anymore. Not tortured or sad or depressed or anything. She is at peace. I ask them for everyone who has wondered why. Why did this beautiful, smart, warm. loving, caring woman not know how to find peace here on Earth? Why? Why weren't we able to get through? Why couldn't she see how much we loved her and cherished her and wanted her to be around? Why? I can't help but feel sadness and anger that she just couldn't get it. I MISS HER. I LOVE HER. AND SHE IS NOT HERE!

I'm just so very sad. I'll get through this. I've gotten through everything else. And I'll survive this too. I'm a survivor.

As I pointed out to more than a few people today I now will have to write a third obituary for someone in my family. I did it for Mom and Dad. And now I get to do it for Lisa.

Prayers....

322 comments:

1 – 200 of 322   Newer›   Newest»
Nate St. Pierre said...

Kristina, this post touched my heart. I've never been through what you're going through right now, so I don't have any words of wisdom to offer. Just know that there are people out there who may not even know you, but they care about you . . . and I'm one of them. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

Nate

Gaby Montero said...

Kristina, as heartbreaking as this is, I'm incredibly admired at how well you are handling this situation. I can't say I've ever gone through what you are facing, but you'll get through it, and you'll be stronger because of it. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Love,

A stranger who cares.

Emerson Spartz said...

Kristina, I'm so sorry for your loss. The calm and grace you've demonstrated in dealing with this is simply inspiring. I lost one of my best friends in a car crash several years ago, but I can only imagine losing a sibling. Prayer isn't a big part of my life, but I'll make sure you and your family are in my prayers, and my family's prayers, tonight.

Stay strong. It gets better.

- Emerson

Dan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dan said...

Kristina, I haven't and hope to never have to go through something like this. If I did though, I'd be proud if I handled it half as well as you are. You're providing more hope and inspiration to many more people than you think. Hang in there, hopefully my prayers will help.

WhimsAndInconsistencies said...

You and your family are in my prayers.

Heather said...

I lost my best friend to a drug overdose which was pretty much a masked suicide. She always wanted to die. It doesn't make it any easier for you except to say that she is happy. She is in a better place. I feel for you and my thoughts and prayers go out to you. Stay stong.

lifelove'n'wine said...

I am so sorry for your loss, Kristina. I wish I could say something to ease the pain, but I wouldn't even know where to start. Just know that though I don't know you, I am thinking of you. You sound like an amazing and strong woman, and I am so inspired by your words. You are in my thoughts today.

Sarah said...

I know don't know me, but your post really touched and saddened me. I am going to pray for your family.

Sarah

vegan_girl said...

Kristina,

I am incredibly sorry to hear of your loss. I want you to know that although I've never had to face a similar event in my life, I will be praying for you. I truly hope that things become easier with each passing day.

Rachet said...

Kristina, I am beyond words sorry. Suicide is something that has touched me in both the family level and social circle level. The pain is terrible. The questions neverending. I am so sorry you're going through this. Your entry is amazing. I didn't handle my two situations very well and am in awe at your strength. May God give you peace and your family is in my prayers.

Silke said...

Dear Kristina, I read your post with tears in my eyes. This must be very hard for you. A sister is someone very special, someone you cannot replace, not even by a close friend. To lose that someone, that connection, that special bond, is beyond sad. I really hope your sister can be happy now in heaven, and feel at peace with herself and her place there. I wish you a lot of comfort and strenght.

Tabby said...

Kristina,

I know that no words can ever heal this pain. But I hope that knowing you are in my thoughts and prayers will ease it a little. No one can say why others choose to end their lives, and no one can begin to imagine what could have been in another lifetime.

Please know that you are an inspiration to all who read your blog today, and I hope that others can find peace reading your words when they too are in darkness.

With much love, Tabby

Molly said...

You are stronger than I could ever be in your situation. My twin brother has fairly severe depression and for a long time, I was afraid one day I wouldn't have a twin. He's found his happiness and although Lisa's is not ideal, she has found hers too.

Keep your head up high. There are so many people who admire and love you for the strength and hope you give them. You give me hope. <3

Justvione said...

I'm really sorry for your loss, Kristina. And I admire how you are handling this situation. My prayer stays with you and your family, and I sincerely hope that things will be easier for you as the days pass by.

Take care and stay strong.

Terry said...

Kristina-

Having lost a friend and neighbor to suicide when I was young, I know that you are feeling a wide range of things right now. Hurt, anger, confusion, sadness, and more than I could even begin to spell out. Except in this case, it wasn't just a friend, it was your sister. I cannot imagine the pain.

I admire your strength to be able to share your story. And you're right. You will get through this. Just remember that you are not alone in your pain, and that there are many, many people who understand (at least partly) what you are going through, and who want to support you and help you.

Sherri said...

Kristina,

My thoughts are certainly with you during this very difficult time for you and your family. I haven't been through anything like this myself and I can't even imagine what you're going through. I wish you much peace and strength to get through this.

Sherri

Amanda Hite said...

Kristina,

I'm so sad for you. I have no idea who you are yet I sit here, reading this admiring your courage and strength. I will pray for you to continue to be strong and to find peace in all of the sadness.

Authentically,
Amanda Hite

Isaac Yassar said...

Lisa is in Home with God, that's our true home. Suicide is not a right thing to do but human spirits learns from mistakes and become better. That's how it works. Angels and spirit guides are now with her in heaven. I am sure she wants you to be strong and happy again in this world.

Valerie @ Frugal Family Fun Blog said...

So sorry to hear about your loss. Sending lots of good thoughts and prayers your way.

Derek Markham said...

Kristina, we're sending many prayers from our family to yours in this most difficult time.

I've not lost a sibling, but my wife and I lost a child 6 years ago, so I do understand the grief you must be feeling, and know it's a very tough thing to go through.

Here's hoping that during your healing process you are surrounded with those you love - and that you let them carry you if you need it.

Love,
Derek

CharliiSmith said...

Words cannot express how sorry I am. You sound like such a wonderful person; you did not deserve this to happen to you.

My thoughts, and prayers, are with you and your family.

Don't ever give up hope.

Although things seem tough at the moment; they will get better.
xx

Rachel said...

Dear Kristina,

I've never met you but I just want you to know that there are people out there who care. I can't imagine what you're going through at the moment, but please know that it will get better over time.

Like you said, you are a survivor - I'm praying that God will get you and your family through this tough time. He is always there if you need Him.

God bless,
Rachel

Kite (JM) said...

Kristina, I'm so sorry to hear of what you're going through. I can't imagine how difficult it must be, but I'm sure you'll be able to make it through this - you sound like an incredibly strong woman.

I hope you can find peace.

Landon and Kylie said...

Kristina,

You are your family are in my prayers. I am so sorry for your loss and hope that you can eventually find happiness again. Know that there are people who care.

Alice said...

Kristina, I know that I don't know you, but I am heartbroken by your incredible loss and amazed at your response to it. I don't have any words to make it better, so I will just be praying for you and your beautiful family.

Alice

jnswanson said...

No, you don't deserve to feel this sad. No, it's not your fault. Yes, it hurts like hell. Who knows whether you could have changed anything. You know that if you knew something that you could have done that would have changed her life, one little thing that would have fixed everything, you would have done that. Who knows but that you helped her live this long, that your kids gave her hope?
And, in time, some things may be clearer. But for now, it hurts like hell. (Which is why having other people who can pray when you don't feel like it matters).

Ann said...

Kristina, when I lost a friend to suicide I was so angry at him. And I hated myself for being angry at someone who was dead. When I finally gave myself permission to feel all of my true emotions - anger, sadness, relief, - i found peace. I hope you find peace.
All my love,
Ann

L.Bo Marie said...

Kristina,
My heart is breaking for you and your family right now. Supporting someone with mental health issues is the hardest thing.. and then the pain of losing them (I've been thru this too), your brain switching from hurt and loss to the occasional breath of relief for them... the missing of someone you love...
may YOU find some peace.
don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.
Lesley Marie

truthtellsall said...

I think you are such a strong woman! I know it is never easy to lose someone that is dear to you. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and know that you have a great support group on your blog.

With true heartfelt compassion,

Christa

Jo said...

I remember losing my cousin. There were problems in his world he just couldn't face anymore. He said he didn't want anyone to worry for him, that it would all be okay, right before his light burnt out. That's really how I think of it--a flame, full of passion and warmth, extinguished too soon. But at his request, none of us worried anymore. Instead, we moved ahead. His mom started an effort to teach her community about suicide and depression.

She is my hero. And you are too. Your strength will guide you forward and influence others. Take care now and know that you were a good sister to her. Know that without you, life would not have mattered as much to her.

Emily said...

Kristina,

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. The bravery you are showing in handling this is admirable. The only comfort I can offer is that Lisa is with God now and with that knowledge I hope you can find some peace with it all. My prayers are with you and your family.

Love,

Emily

Dj said...

Kristina,

There are no words that I can say that will make any of this easier but I hope you find peace in the fact that she is no longer suffering. You and your family will be in my thoughts today.

Danielle

Just Your Average Melody said...

I just wanted to let you know that I admire your courage and I will be praying for you and all others that were affected by this loss.

Kye Hittle said...

Kristina,
i'm so sorry to hear about you and your family's losses. i can only imagine losing my own brother or sis-in-law. you will find the strength - that is evident in your writing of this post. best wishes from next door here in ohio.
peace,
kye

nnoelle1004 said...

Kristina,

You don't know me, but I am praying for you and your family. I am praying for everyone that has to go through this. I admire the strength that is reflected in your words, the honesty that comes through and the bravey that you show and will need to call on in the coming days. You're an inspiration.

Sincerely,
Noelle

kythrah said...

Kristina,

i am another stranger stopping in to tell you how truly sorry i am for your loss and i am impressed with your strength despite obstacles you have faced in life.

i have never lost a person to suicide but i have lost a few family members this past year to cancer and other illness... so i understand the pain you are going through in a way...

you and your family and everyone that was touched by your sister in life are in my thoughts and prayers. i shall light a candle in her memory.

*hugs*

--Kythrah

João said...

Kristina,
I've lost a brother too, 41 years ago. It still hurts when I remember him, so I'm not even pretending that anything I write will make you feel better.
But at least you're writing about it, venting your feelings, and that will help. It took me more than 30 years and a bit of therapy to be able to do the same. Oh boy, did I cry that day...
So - stay strong, take care of your family, and don't forget that there are good things in this world too. I'm praying for you and Lisa.

bumposaurus said...

Dear Kristina,

My thoughts are with you and your family. I admire your strength and courage during this time and am so sorry for your loss. Stay strong.

frogsinatree said...

Kristina,

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today, as you are grappling with how to come to terms with this loss. Suicide is a difficult death to come to terms with as the grief process get complicated by so many other emotions. Having lost a friend nearly 2 years ago to suicide, I know that it is not just grief that needs to be dealt with but also anger, regret, fear for how this will affect others, and every other emotion possible. Emotions are part of the process; embrace them and feel every single one of them with every fiber of your being, and then, let them go. Let Lisa go. And continue to love her and continue to tell your girls about their Aunt Lisa, and remember all of the wonderful times you shared with Lisa. Remembering her will help her to know that she is loved.

I often wonder, to myself, if those we lose to suicide look down on us from heaven and regret their choice to leave us because now they can so clearly see that we do love them and we love them more than they could ever have imagined.

Know that you are being thought of today, that you and your family are being prayed for today, and know that you are supported at this time.

Take care,
~ Kate

Ashley said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss Kristina. Our family lost an uncle to suicide many years ago and it's something that you do carry with you forever. You, your family and your sister are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope your sister has found peace in heaven.

Much love

Kacy said...

Kristina,
You are a survivor and that is so evident in your writing. The why's are always painful but try and find solace in your memories of your sister. I have not experienced anything like this and your pain is palpable. We have never met but I want you to know that I will be praying for you and your family tonight - your daughters are beautiful and blessed to have you as a mother. Your sister was blessed to have you in her life and she is now in heaven watching over all of you.
In my prayers,
Kacy Oden

Anna said...

Kristina,

I know you don't know me (or I you) but I just want you to know I'll be praying for God to bring comfort and peace to you and your family.

Anna

vs said...

Kristina, I am so sorry for your loss. I have never gone through what you are dealing with right now. I hope you are able to find comfort in your friends and family. You are in my thoughts.

Hannah said...

Kristina, I am so sorry for your loss. This kind of pain is not easy to deal with, but you seem to handling it with utmost grace. Your strength is inspiring. Find comfort in your family and friends. You and your family are in my prayers during this trying time.

Jennifer said...

Kristina, I am so sorry for you loss. I lost a cousin to suicide and I know it is not easy. There are so many unanswered questions and also a little anger that comes with the question "why?" Just try to believe that your sister is in a better place and she can finally be happy. You and your family are in my prayers.

Keep your head up and try to remember the great memories you had with your sister.

~ Jennifer

runrgrl25 said...

Kristina,

Your words are so courageous. I'm so sad for you and your family. I'll be sending all of my positive thoughts and energy your way.

Kaitlin

Natasha said...

Kristina,

I am so sorry for you loss. Like many others, maybe the only comforting words I can offer you at the moment are that Lisa is now at peace. She is with God and she isn't hurting anymore.

I am praying that you, and everyone else affected by this, will be able to work through this. From having read a few of your posts I can see that you are such a strong woman, and I believe that you would have done anything you could to help Lisa, if you knew what it was that would help. You are so right that we can't just force help on people, they have to be willing to take it. You did so much for your sister; know that you did what you could, even if you weren't in contact over the last year or so.

I pray that you will eventually come to peace with this, and I hope that writing about it helps you to come to terms with it and to sort through your emotions.

You are so strong and it is inspirational that you are able to write about what has happened so soon afterwards. I admire your courage.

Natasha

Stephen Courtright said...

Kristina,

Thank you for sharing this with the world. Though the pain of losing your sister is surely great at this time, you are doing a great good by helping others to see the strength that you have in the aftermath of this tragic event. I hope that this outpouring of support from strangers can in some way help you to get through this difficult time.

Katie said...

Kristina, I can't say I know how you feel, because I don't. I can relate with Lisa however, being a chronically depressed person. I wish you the best, and your family the best, and may Lisa rest in peace.

ibuilttheark-notnoah said...

Dear Kristina,

You are an amazing woman who has already survived through so much pain and adversity, you can make it through this as well. Keep on surviving. The world needs more people like you.

Serafina
x

Beth said...

Hi Kristina,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you'll be able to find some comfort in knowing that people all over the world, people you've never even met, are thinking of you today and sending good thoughts your way.

Beth

Laura said...

Kristina, I've never had to experience such a loss but I can understand how you feel. A sister is one of the most influencial person of one's life and I can easily imagine how heartbreaking it must be for you right now. I just wanted to send you all my love and support from France through this post and tell you how brave I think you are for the way you're handling the situation. Keep your sister in your heart, I know you will, and keep being so strong. You inspire me.

floreta said...

you're a survivor :)
i like that.

so sorry for your loss and having to write a 3rd obituary. i can only imagine how hard that must be... it is one thing that actually scares me about being the only child with aging parents.. stay strong!

Literary Wino said...

Kristina,

I know how hard it is to feel what you're feeling- the hollowness, the raw emotion- please know that there are others out there who are trying to carry your load with you. I'm sending prayers to you and your family

Stay strong,

Courtney

Lance said...

Kristina,
My heart goes out to you and all of Lisa's family and friends. And I too believe very deeply that there is a heaven, and she is there. And in peace. I pray that you find peace here in this space.

I just had a friend pass away last week, unexpectedly - and so young. And it hurts. And it reminds me that life is now, and to always love, always care, always be.

Peace and love to you,
Lance

Emily said...

My boyfriend completed suicide on june 28th of last year, and while I in no way can know exactly what you're going through, my heart aches for you, your family, and any life that touched your sister's. Your outlook on the situation is amazing; Like you said, you are a survivor, and you will get through this. Don't lose your hope.

Emily said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Collective Amnesia said...

Kristina,

I am not going to sit here and pretend that it's ok. You should be hurt and sad and angry. But I won't lie to you, this grief and time will pass. You will be ok, and you will find a path out of this dark and bleak time.

I will keep you and your family and your sister in my prayers. May she rest in peace and God have mercy on her soul.

<3

Little_Lotte said...

It's always difficult to lose a loved one but more so when they have taken their own life, so many questions run through your head.
I'm glad you're taking comfort in the thought that she's now truly at peace.
I'm sorry for your loss, no word I can write will stop the pain you're feeling right now but just know that I'm thinking about you.

cguberna said...

Kristina,
I have never met you, but I just want to let you know I'm sorry for your loss. And that there are so many people who care for you and love you. I know this is an extremly hard time for you. But I just want to remind you that your family and friends are there for you.
Supporting someone with mental health issues is a difficult task. This past August my grandmother slipped in to a manic depression episode and has yet to resurface. I admire your strength and courage in this dificult time, I don't know many people who have enough of those qualities to get through such a trying time.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care and remember things will get better,
Cassie

MKL said...

My sincerest condolences.

Be strong. You have the whole blog community behind you. So sorry for your loss.

Really.

And let it out, write more, write until you feel it's necessary. Writing helps.

Michaela said...

Kristina,

I've never gone through what you're going through, so I'm not quite sure what to say, but I'll try the best I can. Just keep in mind that she's happy in heaven and looking down on you and smiling and your sister, because she loves you, wants you to be happy. You are so incredibly brave, and although I don't know you, I empathize with you so much. You and your family are in my prayers.

-Michaela

Rebecca Wellburn said...

Dear Kristina,

I read your blog and all I could see were the words 'warrior' written all over it. You clearly have been through many trials, but yet you are able to say with confidence that you know where your sister is, and how free she is in Heaven. Thank you. Thank you for your positivity, your heavenward heart and your honesty in pouring out your soul in blog. It is a privilege to be able to share in your life through your words.

I hope that sharing some of my story will encourage you.

My Dad comitted suicide 7 years ago. I was nearly 15 at the time. People look at me with such devastation in their eyes when I tell them how he died, and about the day he died. I look peacefully back, knowing that it was a faithful and all loving God who carried me the whole way. I know, like you do, that my Daddy is happier and more at peace in Heaven than he ever could've been here. And that makes my soul rest in the knowledge that everything is ok, even when I feel like it really isn't. You are so blessed, you're children are beautiful and God has clearly answered your prayers for a family. I pray that He continues to shower his blessings on you in everyway, and that out of these ashes you will continue to grow into all that He created you to be.

I hope my talk of a God who loves you is a comfort to you. He is a father and friend to me in every way, and He is the one who has given me all my hearts desires.

Sometimes I get so down, and in the rut of thinking that one day, God is going to disappoint me again. One day, surely because life is gritty and hard, I will suffer again. Sometimes I feel so far from God, thinking, nah, he cant possibly love me. And everytime, I conclude, that

Yes, this world is gritty and hard and so painful it seems unbearable.

But no, this nasty stuff, whatever form it takes, is not my Father in Heavens doing.

If I can know, deep in my heart and mind, that there is a place where my dad has found fulfillment and joy and peace, and that God created THAT place, then God must have the same will for this place. But this place is so broken and fallen.

What you are experiencing now, (which I cannot ever understand - no matter how similar our loss might look) is the brokenness of a fallen world, ful of broken and hurting people. 'But the Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love'

He is waiting to show you how much he loves you. His silence is not silence at all. It is overwhelming grief like the grief you feel and more. Because that is compassion. He knows your pain - he KNOWS your pain like no other.

When I think about what my Father in Heaven did for me, in Jesus, and when I think of my own fathers struggles, and my struggles, I am broken and overwhelmed, and I can't do anything but cry out to Him, knowing that He's got my back, completely, totally covered. That whatever life throws at me, however hopeless I feel - that God has enough Faith, hope and Love to carry me through.

It made me smile and cry all at the same time to see your words 'Its my blog and Ill cry if I want to'

It takes a warrior's strength to cry and not be ashamed. You are amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your life with us around the world.

My prayers and tears join with yours, and others to praise God, even in the midst of confusion and grief.

With love,

Becca.x

Paint-Me-Dioxazine said...

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your little ladies while you work through all of this. As you said, this IS your blog and thankfully you can find that outlet you need through writing - use it in any capacity you need to!

fuchsiag said...

I am so so sorry for your loss. The strong way in which you're dealing with this is both admirable and inspiring.

No-one can fully imagine how incredibly difficult this must be, but know that there are people who care who will be praying for you. You and your family will be in my prayers.

Debbe said...

Your strength amazes me. I am deeply sorry for your loss, and your sister, she sounds like an incredible person. Addiction, for the person and the family is never an easy thing to deal with, but you've handled it with grace and compassion.

michkirszanelee said...

Dear Kristina,

Stay strong. We will go through this with you.


Take care.

:)

.polyana. said...

kristina,

i know there are lots of "whys" in life, but KNOW that prayers are being said all over the world for your family and people like your sister who are in pain. thank you for sharing your story and God bless you and your family.

sending lots of positive energy your way!

ReadyForNewYork said...

Kristina, your story is really hartbreaking, I hope you find the courage and strength needed to accept what happened and get through it-I'm sure you will. I don't really know what to say to anyone in this kind of situation, but you must know that there are people out there who care for you, even if you don't know them
Love from Argentina
Lucia

Claudia said...

I am so profoundly and deeply sorry for your loss. When someone suicides, it's like they projectile all their pain and rage onto everyone who loves them. You're left wondering what to do with it.

I've had a number of friends kill themselves, mostly through drug use. As time goes by, I see what they miss, the days they were in too much pain to greet and wonder if these days would have been easier.

I'm sorry no one was able to break through to your sister. She'll miss a lot.

I can't imagine the gravity of your challenge - to be mother to four girls, to watch them interact as sisters - and to know that your sister is gone by her own choice.
I admire your strength and courage.

Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Claudia

Amogh Upadhyay said...

you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers tonight

Manderz said...

I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you, but I admire your strength. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Isabel said...

Kristina, you don't know me, but I know support words mean a lot, wheter they come from people you know or from a total stranger. You are a strong woman, I can tell from your post.
Though I know the pain of losing a loved one, I can't imagine it being someone as close as a sister. Be strong, for there are people who still need you... and don't let circumstances overwhelm you. Hope!

Rz. said...

Your courage in posting this really touched me. May you find comfort and peace at this time. Stay strong and hang in there.

Julie said...

Kristina,

Wishing you peace.

Diane said...

My heart is with you and I am sending you the love of a sister who hears your pain and embraces you in spirit.

myloveisreal13 said...

I understand this heartbreak, I really do. I was once your sister. I wish that she had understood that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I think you are a strong and beautiful woman and you WILL get through this.

yampanda said...

Dear Kristina,

I am really sorry for your loss.
I admire your strength and I hope to be able to deal with such a situation in the same way as you do now, if I ever come across one.
I do not pray a lot, but you deserve my prayers. I hope sincerely that everything will get better.

Love,

Kayleigh

Bubbashelby said...

Thoughts and prayers for your family.

colleen said...

Kristina-

I don't know how you feel, but I am very sorry for your loss and hope that you can continue to keep your strength going. While your loss is beyond words, your great love and spirit for your sister is so clearly expressed here.

You, your family, and everyone who has felt similar pain are in my thoughts and prayers today.

Jennifer said...

Kristina,

I have two sisters that I love dearly and the thought of losing them is inconceivable.

My heart goes out to you, your children, and the rest of your family.

I'm thinking of you today.

Jen

Amy --- Just A Titch said...

Kristina, you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Dan said...

Kristina,

You don't know me, but I am praying for you and your family. I am praying for everyone that has to go through this. I admire the strength that is reflected in your words.

...cMEg... said...

Kristina, just know that you are in my heart and thoughts. To lose someone at all is a heartbreaking situation, but losing someone to suicide is an altogether different sensation. Your courage and strength is inspiring, and I just hope that if ever I am to deal with losing someone to suicide I can cope with as much grace as you are.

Keep seeing the beauty in life; through all of life's struggles - you will come out a more beautiful person for it.

My best to you always, but especially during this time.

Carolina

steph anne said...

Kristina, I am so sorry for your loss. We are all here for you. My prayers & thoughts are with you & your family.

JZinkewich said...

Kristina, this is deep and raw. I embrace that you're able to write this down as it flows full of original feeling and emotion. You didn't butter it up, you didn't edit it you just let it go and I truly appreciate that you were able to touch me and others in a time that is so incredibly tough for you. I know and hope you're able to remain strong but still my heart and prayers go out to you and your family.

Hannah said...

Kristina,

I am truly truly sorry to hear about this heartbreaking experience you have been thought.

Please know that there are hundreds, thousands of people out here somewhere who care about you and want to support you through all of this. You aren't alone.

It's ok to cry, to be angry, to scream, to wonder why.. don't feel like you have to hold it together 100% all the time... your kids and others will understand. You are their rock, but they need to see that you feel it too.

When my grandma died, my dad was the one who took care of everything- funeral, will, eulogy, etc... and I never saw him cry or even show an ounce of emotion: it was really hard for me as a young girl to deal with that

...so like you said in your blog: you ARE allowed to cry, you ARE allowed to be sad... You ARE a human.

I love you Kristina, even though I don't know you...

I love you.

Katelin said...

kristina i can't even begin to imagine how it must feel to be in your situation right now. just know that you are not alone. keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Laura said...

Kristina,

I am praying for Lisa, and I am praying that YOU can find peace. Peace to you and your family, Kristina. It sounds like you've had more than your share of burdens to shoulder. I hope that knowing you are cared for and prayed for will help in some small way.

Laura

Laura

bubbleboo said...

Kristina, I just wanted to come by and leave you a little message to say I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It will be hard to get through this, but you will. Please allow yourself the chance to grieve - to love her, and miss her, and remember her.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, I know how awful it is to lose someone this way. You are not alone. And hell, if writing helps you (and it does me, too) then write your heart out.

Annie said...

One day at a time. Prayers for you.

Renee said...

Kristina,
My prayers are with you and your family. I don't know what it's like to lose a loved one to suicide but there have been a few times where I almost did. That feeling alone was scary enough and I can't imagine what you're going through right now but you seem like a very strong woman and I truly believe you can get through this. God Bless.

Renee

42% V said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't really know what I can say, but I feel somehow obliged to say something simply because this is the sort of thing that cannot be ignored. I'm very, very sorry. I can't immagine how hard this must be on you.

sjruffian said...

Kristina,

I hope you know that you have a world of support. You will get through this. It will be hard. It will be long, but it will happen. And somewhere somehow, hopefully some good will come of this tragedy. Never give up.

Stephanie

Tara said...

There are no words that can change this or make this better. I know that. But I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and in my prayers. That I will be praying for you and for your family.

*Hugs*

Sarah said...

Kristina,
I am so sorry for your loss. Your sister seems like she was a great person, and now she is at peace. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. I know it can be tough, but you will survive. Lean on your family for support. Don't be afraid of letting your emotions out - things will eventually get easier.

mickeygomez said...

Kristina,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I won't pretend to know what you're going through right now, but I can say that my thoughts are with you and your family.

I was touched and inspired by your acknowledgment that you are a survivor. It won't be easy, but I can tell that you'll find the strength to get through this.

Even so, don't be afraid to lean on others when you need to, and please be gentle with yourself.

Mickey

curby5 said...

I just wanted to let you know that my thoughts are with you in this incredibly difficult time. My sister is my very best friend and the thought of losing her takes my breath away. Please know that you are not alone and you said it yourself, you are a survivor. You are amazing and inspirational.

jadejavu said...

Kristina, you are an incredibly strong woman and to have to go through this is heartbreaking. Even though we're all strangers, I hope you can take something from the fact that there are so many people who care about you and are here for support whenever you need it.

My thoughts and love are with you. <3

Tim Hartman - Cameroon said...

Kristina,

Your proactive nature in working through this tragedy is inspiring. You said "I just find that when I am feeling really bad I write and then I don't feel so bad anymore." It's so common to take look at events in our lives and see ourselves as victims. The fact that you are actively working towards getting out of sadness and anger instead of living in it is amazing.

Please know that not only are many people thinking of you in this incredibly difficult time, but that you are affecting us in a positive way as well.

Du courage,
Tim

Tiffany;NeverLeaveMe? said...

I really admire how you're determined to keep strong. I'm so sorry for your loss. x

J said...

Dear Kristina, I am so touched to see your bravery and love in this post for your sister. I lost a friend to suicide 5 years ago, and can't imagine what it would be like if he was part of my family. I pray that your sister is safe, warm and comforted in heaven right now, and I am sure that she is looking down on you and loving you for being you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Love and strength today, for you and your family.
xxxx ♥ ♥ ♥ xxxx

menakap said...

You are a brave woman, showing such fortitude. I admire your strength. My thoughts are with you Kristina.

sarah marie p said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope the people in your life are there to comfort you and give you strength and peace. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Thinking of you & your family. xoxo

Telisa said...

Kristina, I couldn't imagine losing a sibling in the way you have. I have, unfortunately, lost an uncle, my best friend's dad, and 2 of my dad's close friends to suicide. It's a tough thing to get through and I admire how well you are handling this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Regenia said...

Another stranger here, but I just wanted to let you know that you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.

Alice said...

You must be hurting so much right now. I know this is a cliche, but time heals. I hope it heals you soon x

ana karina said...

I'm so sorry you have to go trough something so hard, but even though I don't know you, or knew your sister, I'd like to tell you that I admire your strengh. It takes a lot to of courage being able to say "I'm a survivor" while aching so much.
I want you to know, that you and Lisa will be in my prayers and I'm sure that she'll hear how much you love her in heaven.

Ana K.

Tim Tan said...

Kristina,

I recently lost my aunt to cancer, and it has been very hard on my family. But despite that I find it very hard for me to imagine what you're going through. Your post was very tough to read, and I imagine it's much harder to live through.

I don't know what to say other than all of us care about you and will be praying for you. You are handling this extraordinarily well, and we will all be here to support you in this tough time. I hope that when I undergo a similar experience, I can be as strong as you have been.

We've never met and chances are, our paths will never cross, but as a stranger I hope that my words can be of comfort. Good will come out of this, I can already see it.

God has His plan; all we have to do is trust Him.

-Tim

thisisnotzeina said...

Kristina, I can't even imagine what you must be going through. But I do know that your sister is in a better place now and would hate to see you grieving. So stay strong. All my prayers go to you, Lisa, and your family. May her soul rest in peace.

RiverLily said...

Kristina,

I am so very sorry to hear what happened. You're such a strong person for dealing with this so rationally. Your sister is in heaven, and you are in my prayers!

I wish I could say something that would make this easeir. Just know I'm thinking of you and you have a lot of people praying for you and hoping to give you strenght!

- Chantal

Becca said...

Kristina,

I am very sorry for your loss.I am in awe of how well you seem to be handling this and I know that your daughters have a truly amazing, strong, and inspiring woman to look up to in their life. Even though I have never experienced this my heart and thoughts are with you, your daughters and family. I hope that the memories of her at her happiest moments in life are the ones that live on in your heart!

With love,
Becca

Kadeem said...

Hello Lisa, my name is Kadeem.

First, I would like to say that I am terribly sorry for your loss. I truly am. I know what it's like to lose someone. I have never lost one to suicide but I nearly have several times. My closest female cousin tried to kill herself. I used to cut myself. My girlfriend did it to herself once in the past. Even now my little sister just made a breakthrough by throwing away all her razors.

I'm sorry that your sister couldn't find the peace that we did before it was too late. Even now I still fear for my sister because last month she had a relapse. She threw it away but I fear for her because soon I'll be going off to college and she won't have her big brother who can come to mom's house to see her. She won't have big brother's house to escape to. I know she has others that love her but I still worry. I go through bouts of depression as does my love and my cousin. I pray for each of them that they will not succumb to their emotions.

I just wanted you to be able to hear from someone who knows a bit what your sister felt.

You may not know me but I want you to know that my heart goes out to you, and my prayers to all those around you who still question.

Love,
A Stranger Who Knows

Amanda said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Please remember that there are lots of people that care about you and are praying for you during this difficult time.

God bless

Ana Lorena said...

Hi Kristina, you dont know me, and needer did i until a few minutes ago, that i pass by your blog. Im so sorry for your lost, and i hope that these moments of pain and doubts can go again as soon as possible. When im sad or angry i usually do what you just did, i put my thoughts in paper and helps a lot, keep doing what your doing, cause is gonna help you more than you think. Blessings. A huge hug coming from me, to you and your beautifull family.

FryMyCandy said...

Hey Kristina.. I myself once tried to commit suicide, I know from talking to my sister how hard it was for her. I just wish she had the help I had. But I am so sorry for you loss. Make sure you keep yourself close to the rest of your family, don't keep your feelings inside. I wish you well for the future, but I wish you well right now more so.

PomJob said...

I am so, so sorry.

Ina said...

Kristina, My heart is with you in your loss. There are no words for it really, you are just so loved and supported. I truly believe that your sister will always be present for you in ways that you will see when you are feeling deep love for her. She will talk to you through songs, through butterflies, through your children, through magical moments...she is still with you and loves you deeply, and now you have an angel watching over you in Heaven. So much love to you.

Jen said...

Oh Kristina, I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. I can't even begin to imagine what you and your family must be going through. Know that prayers are being offered up for the why's, for you, for your family and for Lisa. Know that Lisa's death is not through any action, or lack of action, on your part. She was fighting her own battles, and I'm sure she appreciated your love through it all. I hope you are able to find comfort and strength in your family, in your faith, and in this, your blog and your virtual community.

Peace be with you,
Jen

grace said...

Kristina, I just wanted to share with you that there are many people mourning your loss, and hoping that God will help you and your family through this difficult time. You are in my prayers, stay strong.

Grace

Ish said...

I do not really know what to say, so I'll just give you a big cyber hug.

I'll pray for you and your family.

Alejandra said...

I am so sorry you have to be going through this right now. There are few words that can truly bring comfort, and I realize that. But I just wanted to let you know that I admire your strength more than you know. The fact that you write of your ability to survive in the midst of this time is proof enough. God has given you that gift for a reason. It may not seem like a very positive thing at the moment, but it truly is. God loves you, and he is watching over you and your beautiful sister. May you find joy in Him during this time, and remember all the wonderful memories you shared with your sister. I'll be sending up some prayers for you. <3

anni said...

Hi Kristina,

Losing a loved one is devastating. There are no magical words that could make it better, but time will heal the wounds. She'll always be with you in your heart, no matter how cliché it might sound. Just remember that you still have your beautiful family. Don't shut all the sorrow inside, let the people around you help you. They care about you. You are an amazingly strong woman, and even though I don't know you, I admire you for that. I'll remember you and your family in my prayers tonight, and I wish from all my heart that you will feel better soon.

Anni

alex_i said...

kristina, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't possibly imagine what you're going through right now. I wish you and your family the strength to get through this, your in my prayers

Lucina said...

Kristina, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. What touched me is that you said this is the third obituary you have to write. Although it is sad, I'm sure you have become such a strong wonderful woman. You are an inspiration for people who are going through this and I will keep you in my prayers.

Love,
A young woman going through life.

Kelly Ugrich, LEED AP said...

Kristina,

I hope that writing helps you get through what I can only imagine must be a heartbreaking period of your life. Please know that you are not alone, and draw on your community (friends, family, fellow bloggers, even complete strangers) to help you heal.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

Brandon said...

Kristina, I cannot imagine the pain you are going through this very moment. I want you to know that God is watching over you and your family, and God wanted to have your wonderful sister back home with Him. I am so sorry. I know these hollow words may not mean much to someone grieving as you are right now, and may be there for a while, but know one thing: Bhante Gunaratana, a Buddhist philosopher said that in life "Pain is inevitable, suffering is not". Know that this pain too will pass, and that you are so loved. You and your entire family is in my prayers. God bless you Kristina, always and forever.

May the road rise to meet you, may the wind always be at your back, and may God hold you in the palm of his hand.

God bless and keep you,
A stranger who loves

p.s. Remember Lisa is dancing with Jesus right now

BETH said...

Kristina, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you at this very difficult time. This hits home to me all too well. Last Fall, my brother also ended his life with suicide. He was convicted of a crime and sentenced to life in prison. He suffered his whole life with depression and bi-polar disorder. I and my family believe that God did end his suffering on that day that he took his own life. My family is very faithful and believe we will be reunited in heaven with him one day. May you always remember your sister in the good times-it really does help. I will pray for you and your family to get through this terrible time in your lives. May you find peace in everyday the sun rises and the sun sets in God's grace.

nicopolitan said...

My heart goes out to you and your family. My family has had to deal with this issue too and it's no picnic.

But I've always been of the school of thought that as long as the ones we lose are still in our thoughts, though they may not be here physically, they're still here in some way.

Memories are important now more than ever. Don't let frustration or sadness take them away from you.

-Another stranger who cares

Laurel said...

You, Lisa, and everyone who knew her are in my prayers. It sounds like she was a wonderful person, and I am so sorry she felt the need to take her life. I do not have any advice to give you other stay positive. I know, that isn't an easy thing to do, but try. Smile, love, laugh. As cliche as it is, I'm sure Lisa would want you to. I just wanted to let you know that you will all be in my prayers.

I wish you a happy life.
Laurel

Lauren said...

Kristina,

You don't know me, but I read your post about your loss and I am so sorry for you and your family. I cannot imagine your pain, but I hope you find comfort in knowing that there are people (even strangers) praying for you as you grieve.

With love,
Lauren

Debra Cincioni said...

Kristina,

My heart feels your pain as I have lost a family member in this way. The frustration, anger and grief was so very hard to bear.

Sending lots of Love and Hugs your way to bolster you and your family at this time. Please dip into this reserve whenever you need it and if you need to talk or write...Im here.

Im also sending a bouquet of smiles for you to use whenever it feels hard to remember the positive sweet moments that you had with your sister growing up...or if you just need one for your self...

In our thoughts and prayers...
Debra
debra@momsofamerica.com
@momsofamerica on Twitter

Jessie said...

Kristina, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a best friend a few years back to suicide, and while I don't pretend to equate my feelings to yours, I know at least a touch of what you're going through. It sucks; it hurts; it stings. Know that there are people who care deeply about you, and who will remember Lisa with you. Know that you are an amazing person, a good person, a loved person. Through the pain you are feeling right now, try to anchor yourself knowing that your life is still going on, and that you are supported, appreciated and loved. You are an amazing person. You are.

kat725 said...

Kristina,

In this time of sadness, your outlook and determination is beyond inspiring. I'm so, so, so sorry for the loss of Lisa. I will pray for all of you and send many positive thoughts your way.

You are such a fighter. Take good care,
Katrina.

alex parker said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
alex parker said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
craquemonkey said...

Kristina,

I'm so sorry you and your family must go through this. I wish there was something I could say to help, but I know that no words can undo the harm that has been done. I just want to hug you and your family with my whole being!! My prayers are with you, love.

post-itnote said...

Kristina,
My thoughts go out to you and your family. Your sister is in a peaceful place now, and she is lucky to have someone as strong as you to carry on her name.

alex parker said...

kristina,
i can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling.
all i can say is well done for coping, and all i can hope is that you remember how many people out there are rooting for you to feel better.
please stay strong.
all my love, hopes and prayers x

Kristal said...

Hi Kristina,
I just passed by your blog and although I don't know you, I've lost two friends to suicide and want you to know that my thoughts are with you and your family. My prayers go out for you during this difficult time.

chelsea; said...

Kristina,
Although I don't know you, you are loved and I am praying for you.
Stay strong.
Chelsea

Oh, The Joys said...

I don't have the right words for you, but wanted you to know that I was here, reading and thinking of you. I will be 'holding your sister in the light' as the Quakers say.

linkidd said...

Kristina, your strength during this difficult is inspirational. I am also celebrating your sisters life. I may not have known her and I may not know you, but I can tell she was an amazing person by the amount you love her. Your 3 guardian angels are smiling down on you. I wish for lifetimes of love and happiness for you and your family. My prayers are with you.

Love,
Lindsey

ckanekrebs said...

Kristina,
I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my brother and I know how difficult it is to be the one left behind to pick up the pieces. Take comfort in knowing that there are lots of us out here who are thinking of you and wishing you the best. I think your are incredibly courageous to share your story. Keep your chin up. My thoughts are with you and your family.
-Chantel

Caz said...

I can't imagine what your going through right now but I'm sending positive thoughts your way. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Nikki said...

Kristina,
Even though we have never met, my heart is breaking for you. In this terrible time of sadness, I can only offer that please know there are many of us, myself included, that are praying for you and your family, and sending you our love and support.

Chill said...

I am so sorry for your loss and admire your strength and candidness in sharing your feelings.

I truly hope Lisa has found peace, a place where she will no longer hurt.

Like Lisa, I struggle with depression. Although I’ve never attempted to kill myself, I have thought of it hundreds of times; I’m just not brave enough to follow through. When I’m at my lowest, I wonder why I must continue to struggle through life, with life; Why bother? I think, I can’t end it myself, but if a train were to run me down, I wouldn’t protest too much. And then I wonder what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I “survive” in a world that “normal” people don’t have a problem with? Why am I so weak?

Kate (above) wrote:

“I often wonder, to myself, if those we lose to suicide look down on us from heaven and regret their choice to leave us because now they can so clearly see that we do love them and we love them more than they could ever have imagined.”

To that and to you, I want to say, the depression and the decision to end it has nothing to do with our thinking you don’t love us. It has nothing to do with the people outside of us and everything to do with what’s inside of us. I KNOW my friends and family love me; but when the pain becomes unbearable inside, I can’t find the strength and/or desire to impose on…lean on…beg them to carry me (again)….burden them again with a problem that I can’t expect them to understand when I can’t understand it myself.

Anyway, again, I am so sorry for your loss and suggest that you continue to believe that Lisa is in a better place and no longer hurting.

You’ve given me a glimpse at what it looks like from the perspective of someone watching a loved one struggle with depression and, I hope, in return, I may have helped you understand a little more from the side of the depressed person. Please, please, please understand that it is NOT about you and what you did, didn’t, or could have done.

I hope that when I’m in my darkness of depression, I can try to remember things from your point of view and that it will help me in my struggle with the darkness.

May God bless you and may your wonderful memories of Lisa comfort you in the days and years to come.

-Carol

Teresa said...

Kristina, I can't speak for your sister, but I can speak for me. I've felt like I imagine she felt, and I thought the only way to solve the pain I was going through was to just remove myself from the situation. But please believe me when I say that the love of those around me was ALWAYS on my mind. I never forgot for a second that there were people fighting like hell for me, and I'll bet she didn't either. Though I've never met you, I'm sending a lot of love your way.

liza_biza1234 said...

Kristina,
I read this post with tears in my eyes. I can't personally say that I've ever been through a situation like this, but even imagining what you're going through is tough. Always remember that there are people everywhere who care about you and are there to support you. You and your family are in my prayers. Stay strong!

Derrek said...

Kristina, I have had suicide befall several acquaintances of mine, but never a close friend or a family member. I know how hard it was to hear that those people whom I hardly knew were gone, but I cannot fathom what you and your family is going through but I believe that you are certainly stronger than I in dealing with this. I commend your strength and resolve in this tumultuous time. I pray you can find peace with her passing, and also that your sister finds peace in Paradise. She is in the Lord's hands now, and He will help her find what she needs in eternity.

-Derrek

Michaela said...

Kristina, I am very sorry for your loss and I wish that there was something I could say to help ease the pain, but I know that I can not truly say that I know how you feel. I do, however, greatly admire how you are handling it. I wish you the best of luck and my prayers and thoughts go out to you and your family.
~Michaela

M. said...

Four years ago my close cousin, just 2 years older than me, committed suicide. I remember how devastated I was then, so I just cannot imagine what you're going through, having lost somebody as close as a sister.

But I know you'll find the strength and courage to handle this. My warmest thoughts are with you today.

Magda

ashalah said...

I am so sorry for your loss, losing a loved one is always hard, but even more so when it's to suicide. My thoughts are with you during this hard time, stay strong. *hugs*

My Inner Voice said...

I have no idea of what you're going through - I have had friends suffer from depression but none of them have chosen suicide, by the grace of God - but I pray that "the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles" will bring hope and healing to you too. You will see her again someday!

Elly Rarg said...

I'm so so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you, and your family. x

Roza said...

Hi Kristina, I don't know what it's like to lose someone close to me, so I won't say I understand how you feel. But I will tell you something I know for sure; this is one of the things that happen that nobody understands, and I think there's no point in trying to understand why, it is what it is, it hurts and it sucks, but we just have to accept it. I hope you do feel better after writing it and just, hang on, this too shall pass. Like you said yourself, you'll survive. =)

Warren C. Dailey said...

Hey, I just wanted to offer my condolences in what must be a time of extreme sorrow for you.

If there's anything I can do to help, let me know.

I hope everything can get better for you as soon as possible.

Mallory said...

Kristina,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope that you are able to smile soon.
Please know that you are in my thoughts.
Xo
Mallory

sisterite said...

Katrina-

I am so sorry for your loss. But know, in the end, you will come through this rainstorm stronger than before. I will light a candle for you and your sister this evening; my thoughts go out to you and your family.

Much love-
Kit

Passionista said...

Kristina,
While I can only imagine what you are going through, my prayers are with you and your family. I am sorry you've had so many hardships. You're so strong and that is very admirable. God bless you.

Iris said...

Dear Kristina,

I can hardly believe your strength in this - most of us would not have your courage at a time like this.
Even though I don't know you, and I can't possibly imagine what it's like to lose someone to suicide, I'm really, really sorry about your loss.

J. Money said...

We're praying for her and you and your family and for love and for everything!!!! I can't even imagine what you're going through right now - I just hope you smile as you read all these wonderful notes :)

JessicaW said...

Hang in there! So sorry for your pain and for your loss. Bless you and your family.

Marwa said...

Kristina,

I'm so sorry for your loss. You and Lisa are in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care and be strong.

kelsey said...

I truly admire your strength in writing this post. Although I don't know you, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Lesley Telford said...

Dear Kristina,

I have never met you, but my heart truly goes out to you. Please know that there are many people out there who care about you, your family, and your sister. Talking with those people may bring up harsh memories, but it will also bring up happy ones. Don't be afraid to remember all of the amazing times that you had with your sister. She may be gone from this earth, but she will never be fully gone as long as you remember her.

My prayers are with you,

Lesley

rbandj said...

dear kristina,

i am so, so very sorry. i will be praying.

-j

Jodi said...

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. You are so strong and I wish you all the best. God bless.

-Jodi

rachel.c_96 said...

You are a survivor. You're gonna be ok! She loves you. And I bet she knows you're strong and you'll be ok by yourslef. If you dont be ok, if she doesnt believe in you she would never leave you!

sizer said...

Years ago I went through something like this, but my story ended differently. My brother attempted suicide and through an amazing string of good luck and modern medicine, survived with no after effects. It remains the most traumatic experience of my life because of how suddenly it hit me, and how it could very likely have gone entirely differently. This must be such a painful time for you. My heart goes out to you. And in reading your story, I am reminded of how lucky I am to have my brother still.

That Kind of Girl said...

Kristina, I am praying both for your sister and for you. I believe you are right, that she has found a peace now that for whatever reason she could not find on this earth. And I truly believe that despite everything, she knew that you loved her. That must be a part of what gave her the strength to go on as long as she did.

You sound so strong. Keep writing to get out your emotions -- however conflicted or intense they are -- and know that you are in my heart and my prayers.

eric said...

I am so sorry for your loss, and again you will hear the words "my heart goes out to you" It does, mine does, they all do. If you look around, people really do care. People care, from your friends, to, well anybody. Good luck, and I really hope you feel better. This world is wonderful. Stay strong, and remember, you will make it through, and im sure you will come out stronger from all this.

sincerely,
Eric

Caitlin said...

I wanted to share my condolences and tell you that my thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family.

Blessings,
Caitlin

Sarah said...

Thank you for sharing this. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Swati said...

I am so sorry for you. Just know so many people are thinking of you and your family and wishing you peace.
Swati

rokubithunder said...

I can also say that I've never been in this kind of situation before, and I don't know what to say that can truly help with this, but she still loves you, and she'll watch you and be your guardian angel now if she wasn't already, and you can do this and that you have the support from all of us here, even though we're just nameless faces.

I promise, things will get better, and that things will look up again and that you'll find the sunlight and colors in your currenly grey world.

-- Tess

Hannah said...

Kristina,
I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through, but I want to tell you that I am filled with admiration for how well you are handling it. I don't know you, but you seem like an amazing, strong person, and I want you to know that a stranger cares, and you will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

Love.

angelspit_x said...

Dear Kristina,
Your loss is terrible, but your attitude in the face of it is admirable. I hope you keep your hope and strength. I know how unimaginably and deeply awful it is to lose a sister, but at least you know that she is finally at peace. Although we've never met, you and Lisa both will be in my thoughts...stay strong!

Ashton

Mark said...

Kristina

you seem very strong; I am proud of you for knowing you'll get through this.
I wish you and your family all the best. Please stay strong!
I know that you are having a tough time but I do hope you find comfort in the little things that life does offer you. :)

Best wishes
Mark

Rawk said...

Death is another journey. I promise you, your sister is safe. Although she has taken a step into certain ambiguity, in the end, all that remains is love.

With love and intention,
Trent Wexler

Melanie said...

Kristina, no one should ever have to lose someone to suicide, but you have remarkable strength and courage. You will get through this, and you are in our thoughts and prayers. We're very sorry for your loss.

- Lindsey & Melanie

Becky said...

Kristina I'm so sorry for your loss and I know there is nothing I could say to make you feel better. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

bella23 said...

Kristina,

I admire your strength to share your story here. Stay strong, my thoughts and prayers are also with you and your family.

Rebecca said...

Kristina, I am so sorry for your loss. I can almost understand what you are going through. I almost lost my brother to a "accidental" drug overdose almost a year ago. It is hard knowing that the person didnt want to be around anymore, but you will get through it I promise. Just love the ones you have and don't forget your sister. You and your family will be in my prayers tonight.
Rebecca

Elena said...

Kristina-
I know you'll be hearing this a lot lately, but I am so sorry for your loss. I recently lost a good friend to suicide, and an uncle before that, and I know that the emotions that come with it go so far beyond those that come with death alone. It hurts, and it's infuriating beyond belief. All I know is that your love for your sister is still with her, and still makes a difference. Be blessed always by the love and memories you have, and you will overcome.
With hope for a better tomorrow,
Elena

sfrank said...

I'm so very so sorry for your loss. My condolences to your family.

Sally

Janice said...

Dear Kristina,

I'm so, so sorry to hear of your loss. About 2 months ago, I lost one of my closest friends to suicide too. I wish I could tell you something that could ease your pain, but the truth is, I don't think there is anything that can be said to lessen the pain.

The one thing I do want you to know however, is that you are not alone. There are others, like you, who have been through this before and survived.. and there are still others, who haven't been through what you've been through, but care about you anyway. You are not alone.

You'll be in my prayers,
Janice

Laura said...

Love and prayers to you and your family xx

Nicole Rios said...

Kristina,
I'm so incredibly sorry about your sister. I can't say I've ever experienced the same thing, but I sympathize with you. You're handling yourself quite well and you will most definitely be in my prayers tonight. Remember to stay strong for your family, and if you don't think you can, God will always lend his strength if you ask him for it. Take care, and God bless,

Nicole

lizmissgraceful said...

Kristina, I am eminently sorry for you and your family during this tragedy.
I don't know what else to say but that even though I don't know you and I've never been through a situation like this, I do know that the best thing you can do is surround yourself with the people you love.
I wish you the best, and I will be keeping you in my prayers.

xoThumbeLenaox said...

I am very sorry for your loss. I know it must be very on you. But be strong old you head high and never give up hope. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Marty said...

Kristina, I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that you are in our thoughts as you work through this difficult time.

Evie said...

Kristina,

As a teen who has struggled with depression and suicide in the past, I can relate to Lisa. Depression is obviously a very hurtful thing, but through it I learned that everything happens for a reason. Absolutely everything. Though Lisa is no longer with you, she has touched lives and taught lessons through her sadness. It's hard not to question why things like this happen, but sometimes the best we can do is cry our pain away until it's not as fresh.

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

My prayers and love are with you.
-Evie

imlivinginadream said...

Kristina, I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I've lost a couple people very close to me in recent years, but I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to lose my brother, one of my best friends. I know there is nothing that I can say to make this any better for you, but just know you're in my thoughts and your sister is too. And I truly believe that wherever she is now, she is happy and sees how much everyone around her loved her. x

Alison said...

Kristina,

I have read the snippet you have below about your life as of now. I just want to tell you that I admire you in every possible way. If I were ever faced with half the challenges that you have gone through, I don't know if I would be able to handle them. You sound like a very strong woman, and I respect your ability to see the good in this event. Your sister will be taken care of now, under the watchful eyes of God. And God is with you, if you think so or not. Keep in there, all your courage will pay off.

Love,

Alison

Karencilla said...

Kristina,
I know that there are no words that can stop the pain. I am deeply sorry for your loss and you and your family are in my prayers tonight.
Be strong as you have been so far.

Karencilla

FBT said...

Kristina, I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. You seem like you are an incredibly strong person to be able to handle such a terrible blow in such an admirable way. I'm glad that you know that your sister is in Heaven now and no longer suffering. My prayers go to you and your loved ones.

Annie said...

Kristina,

I know you have a big hole in your heart.
When my husband died I thought I would just give up.
We were together since high school.
I know the pain but I wish you peace and try to just think of all the good times you had together.
It will bring tears but good feelings too

VinaMist said...

You are in our thoughts and prayers Kristina. You are a brave and tough woman for having to go through everything you have.

Be blessed you have your loving kids. They will help you make it through everyday. If you need to talk to someone, WE are all here for you.

I have a younger sister who has always lived far away. I almost lost her to a car accident, pronounced dead at the scene. I have health issues so it is hard to go see her. She knows how greatly I love her as your sister had to have known how much you greatly loved her.

So sorry for your loss, you are in our prayers.

Teia

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 322   Newer› Newest»