Abigail, Caroline, and Brigid at the First Communion practice. 3 very different girls. 3 very different personalities. I can't imagine my life without them.
Let add that I am pro-choice. You can try and persuade me in any way you like including reminding me that I am a Christian. Still not going to change my mind but that's not quite what this post is about.
My infertility journey is a long one. Just read my biography at the beginning of this blog. Not one of my children came easily to this family. I realize that most people will try and tell me that I should be anti-choice because Megan was adopted. Megan's birthMother had a choice in deciding to carry Megan to term and to place her for adoption. And to her I will forever be eternally grateful.
That's me holding Megan for the very first time. That rather pained look is me starting to burst into tears.
Every parent of multiples, I'm talking 3 or more babies, is given the selective reduction speech. The doctor tries to scare you into reducing 1-2 babies to supposedly take you out of the high risk category. You are given many grim talks about all the dangers you and your babies will face if you choose to continue on with a multiples pregnancy. Our lovely doctor, a reproductive endocrinologist, gave us this speech each and every time we sat down in his office. He even went so far as to try and schedule a trip to Memphis to have this done around the 13th week of pregnancy. Apparently they don't have specialists here in little ol' Louisville who can do selective reduction. No matter how many times we tried to tell the doctor that we didn't want any part of selective reduction, he just kept on bringing it up. We tried for years through many difficult surgeries and procedures to get pregnant. There was no way in hell, no matter how severe the consequences, were we going to choose to get rid of any baby. I didn't spend all that time, anguish, and money trying to get pregnant to all of a sudden become unpregnant.
On our last visit with the RE, before we switched over to the maternal/fetal OB, we were again given "the talk". My ex in one of his more brilliant moments began talking with the doctor about the doctor's children. He had two daughters of whom he was quite proud. One was in college. One was at Manual. He beamed when he spoke of their accomplishments. When he was finished beaming, my ex asked him one very simple question. "Tell me Dr. N. Which one of your daughter's would you have chosen to reduce?" Dr. N sputtered and was at a loss for words. Selective reduction was never brought up again.
Which brings me to tonight's topic. Yes I know. I'm wordy. There is a blogger out there who is writing about her journey through infertility. Here's the link to her blog so you can read for yourself. http://babymakingmerrygoround.blogspot.com/2012/06/multifetal-reduction.html
She did IVF, put in two embryos, and ended up with four babies, a singleton and ID triplets. Very early on she lost on of the babies so she is pregnant with a singleton and ID twins. She had decided to go for selective reduction and is going to reduce to a singleton. Again her decision. Remember I am pro-choice so I am not completely bothered by her choice. I couldn't do it. She has spent years trying to conceive and has been blogging about her journey. She is active on many infertility websites as well. What bothers me so very much about this blogger is her almost cavalier attitude about what she is about to do. She talks of this choice with as much emotion as you would trying to pick out what to have for dinner. She isn't worried about the risks for herself or her babies as much as she is making a life style choice. She doesn't want triplets to interfere with her lot in life. I don't get it.
"Why would you spend all these years trying to get pregnant, to then work so hard to get unpregnant?"
She has been blogging on another site about her triplet pregnancy. She takes belly pics and talks about maternity clothes and cravings. "Um excuse me? You are about to abort two of your babies. You don't get to talk about your triplet pregnancy!!" It bothers me that she is portraying herself as a hero to others who are making the selective reduction choice. "Lady, you are not a hero. You are a selfish person who coldly writes about your choice. Please don't carry on about your positive mindset when you are far from being positive!" She writes that SR was not exactly a hard choice for them.
I'm pretty sure I would be more supportive if she wrote about the anguish and heartache involved in the decision. If there were some genetic problem. If she was so high risk that it put her or her babies' lives at risk . There would be an outpouring of love and concern. Of understanding. Then she would be a hero to those faced with a very difficult decision. But to say this wasn't a hard choice just makes her appear as cold hearted. She doesn't understand why people are so aggravated with her. It's not the choice itself as much as the attitude that has people so pissed off.
I have had a lot of negative effects from having triplets. I lost my marriage, my big, fancy house. My sanity. It has been a hard battle. I'm in a small apartment with bills I can barely pay and am starting over with a new career. Yet I am so damn Blessed to have triplets! I love my children. All of them. I love every single struggle and heartache. They are a treasure. A Blessing from God. They make me laugh every single day. My heart is going to burst with all the love I have for my girls.
So which one (or two) should I have chosen to get rid of?