More Christmas Eve Pics

Caroline and Brigid

More Caroline and Brigid

Caroline and Cinder-wouldn't you love to know what Cinder is thinking?

Pictures from Christmas Eve!

Christmas Eve at Uncle Erik's and Aunt Cindy's house

Erik and Evan

Andrew and Lady (such a good-looking boy!!!)

My Abby!!!

Merry Christmas

What a great and wonderful holiday with my girls and my family! Just a quick moment to say may all of you have the Blessed holiday I am having with my girls!!!!

A few free hours

My sister-in-law, Cindy, and my neice, Ana, are currently at my apartment baking a cake with my girls and painting the girls' fingernails. They are giving me a few blissful hours to run some errands. The girls's Dad only has them on Dec. 12 (his choice). This is my only kid-fee day before Christmas so Cindy was kind enough to help me out. Thank you Cindy and Ana!!!

My lovely neighbor sent us a Thanksgiving card with a $50 gift card to Wal-Mart in it. I'm going to use it to get gifts for the girls. Megan wants a new winter coat, a new comforter, Breyer horses, and a few good books to read. Brigid wants transformers, Bionicals, and some Hannah Montana stuff. Abigail only wants Ariel stuff, a few toy horses, and some Hannah Montana stuff. Caroline wants toy horses, Care Bear stuff, and some Hannah Montana stuff. (I seem to be using the word "stuff" a lot.)

Tuesday was Caroline's Star Student of the Month award ceremony. She got one last year too. She was sooo excited and I am soooo proud of her. Unfortunately one person was notably absent (again). I keep hoping at some point that he will realize what he is doing to the girls. I think his dislike for me is so strong that it interferes with him being with the girls. It is sad really. And Caroline was disappointed. As am I.

I took the girls to Light-Up Louisville on Friday evening. We braved the cold (30s) and enjoyed Christmas carols and seeing Santa. When the fireworks and lights were over megan turned to me and said, "That's it? We stood out in the cold for this?" Lovely. I imagine after seeing Thunder Over Louisville this definitely paled in comparison.

Well off to shop and then home to put up the tree. Yea!!!

A few tidbits

My Facebook friends have heard these stories but I wanted to post them here too.

While I was sleeping two weeks ago, Brigid, who was sleeping with me, cut a big chunk out of my bangs. Lovely. There truly is no rest for the weary. :)

Abby came home from school last week and said, "Caroline had a really bad day." I asked what happened. Abby said, "I bit her in the bathroom and I had to go to time-out."

Sitting at the dinner table one night after Abby lost her first tooth, Megan asked me if the tooth fairy, Easter Bunny, and Leprechaun were real. She said, "I know that Santa Claus is really but these other guys? I mean, c'mon. It seems kinda strange that we let strangers into our house to leave money on the table. Is it really you Mom?" Then she sat for a minute and said, "Naw, it can't be you 'cause you never have that much money in your wallet." There is something to be said for Megan's wisdom. :)

The vacuum fairy visited my house on Monday. My vacuum (which was only 1 1/2 years old) died. I asked to borrow my brother's vacuum because almost 4 weeks without one had me with some very dirty carpets. He said my sister-in-law would bring it to me on Monday and I said I would return it on Tuesday. When I got home there was a brand new vacuum on my kitchen table. Thank you Cindy!!! You guys rock!!

And one last wonderful thing: Caroline is Star Student of the Month for November in her 1st grade class. I am so proud of her. She was Star Student last year too. Such a great kid.

A previous post

I copied a portion of a previous post from over a year ago. Here it is:

I told Megan today that it is time for some really GOOD things to happen. I am so over the bad stuff. I have had my fill of the bad stuff. Enough, God. I give. I am ready for the good stuff to come. I've waited patiently and I think it is my turn. On a scale of 1-10 I have lived a lifetime of 3s. I'm ready for some 8s, 9s, and 10s. I'm not asking for all 10s. Just one or two now and again. Seriously, ( sorry Grey's Anatomy I am stealing your word) just how much bad can someone take? And my favorite phrase: I know that God doesn't give you anymore than you can handle, I just wish God didn't think I could handle so much.So here's to everyone that lives a life of 3s. Hold your chin up. It will get better. I know it will. And when it does get better let's remember what if feels like to live through a 1 or 2 and be forever greatful and appreciative and thankful that a few 9s and 10s have fallen our way.

I felt it's time that I update this. I'm finally living those 7s, 8s, and occasionally 9s. And sometimes even a 10! YES!!!. And it feels damn good. I look back to where I was when I posted this and can't believe I've come this far. Work is going well and I am happy there. It's been almost 8 months in the same place. I have a relatively clean apartment, a new van, and my wonderful girls. My 7s and 8s might not be other people's ideas of what an 8 is but for me life is grand. Even with Caroline's stitches in her nose (from an accident at Daddy's house), Megan being a teenager (at age 9), Abby's double ear infection, and Brigid's temper, life is good. All 4 girls are in Girl Scouts, Megan is cheerleading and we are as always super busy. This week alone saw Megan's theater class, company at the apartment (twice), a birthday party, Girl Scouts, an inservice Tuesday night at my school, pumpkin carving, Halloween parties, and Parents Night Out at my school until 11:45 last night (which means I worked from 9 a.m. until 11:45 p.m.). Let's not forget homework, housework, and errands. We are tired but happy. And just so thankful.

Monday night my sister-in-law, Cindy, brought over dinner, dessert, gifts for the girls, and did some laundry. I was so happy! Thanks Cindy!! My girls loved the surprise!!!!

Last Saturday another teacher at my school offered to come over and help with the girls. I had her come and have lunch with us instead. And this Thursday evening another teacher is coming over to watch the girls so I can grocery shop. All this for free. These lovely ladies are single or married without kids and don't know how I do it everyday so they offer to come help. I sometimes can't believe how lucky I've been to find such a great place to work.

Now my next goal is to put some money together to finally get my computer fixed so I can blog in the comfort of my home. :)

Happy Halloween everyone!!!!!!

A Saturday in October

I am sitting in a blissfully quiet library surfing the web. Thanks to Katie, my girls are dancing their hearts out at a Hannah Montana dance clinic at Manual High School. They are there from 9-2 p.m. lunch included. Abby, Brigid, and Caroline were thrilled to death to be there. Megan was a little nervous. Once she got there and saw a friend from her class, she was overjoyed. Brigid was in her performing element. When I left she was laughing and dancing. A great sight to see. Caroline was even dancing which greatly surprised me. Abby was feeling very shy. They are learning two H.M. dances and will perform them at half-time on Fri. Oct. 16 during the Maual/St. X football game. I can't wait. I will be there with the video camara and still camara. That is one minor/small drawback to being a single parent. I can't video and take pictures at the same time. That's ok. Be on the look out here for pictures next week.

Last night I cooked a rather large dinner. I didn't intend it to be that way but I was so hungry I kept adding things to the meal. Last night was seafood night. Since the girls all like different seafood it was one of only a few meals where I will cook different main courses. Brigid and Caroline like fish sticks. Abby likes deep-fried clams. Megan likes popcorn shrimp. I had steamed mussels with garlic/olive oil pasta. Yum. I cut up zucchini and squash and served that fresh. Then we had bananas, kiwis, and watermelon. Everyone finished quickly which left Caroline and I in the kitchen. This is the usual routine at night. I was always the last one at the table as a kid and now Caroline is taking my place. Since it is usually just the two of us left I get to talk with Caroline one-on-one. This is a big deal in our house. This is the time when I get to hear Caroline talk uninterrupted and I get to hear just how delightfully odd she is. She kept saying how happy she was that she was eating kiwis and watermelon. She wanted me to call her Dad and tell him how she ate FIVE slices of watermelon. And then right in the middle of things she said this sweet little nugget: "Know what Momma? I'm in the habit of loving you." And that one sentence seems to describe Caroline exactly. Not "Momma I love you" but "I'm in the habit of loving you." It's single moments like these that make me so glad I am the Mom to these 4 lovely ladies. The writer from Louisville Magazine asked me what was it that was so great about being a Mom to triplets plus 1 and I had a hard time answering. Not because I don't find exquisite joy in being their Mom but because there are so many little moments like these that fill my soul. It would be easy to say it's because they are smart, kind, or loving. But the harder explanation would be explaining these precious little moments. "I'm in the habit of loving you." Wow.

Conference day was last Tuesday. This always makes me nervous because I always feel I have to explain things to the girls' teacher. Like I feel the need to make excuses for any shortcomings that I am sure are my fault. I met with the Abby, Brigid, and Caroline's teacher first. She said the girls are doing so well. Brigid is reading on a 3rd/4th grade level. Caroline is reading at a 2nd grade level, and Abby is right on target for the beginning of 1st grade. I am so proud of them. They work so hard and it shows. It makes me feel good to know that what I am doing is working. The guilt will always be there about making the choice to be a single parent. I hear lots of comments that they are well-behaved (unless we are in a grocery store which is a whole other matter entirely). Then it was on to Megan's conference. How nice it was to hear that Megan is reading on an 8th grade level and according to her teacher is "delightful." She really is.

Now for the "yucky" part of this post. Since the girls were going to this Hannah Montana thing today I was trying to find all their H.M. t-shirts last night so I could make sure they were clean and ready to go for today. I found Caroline's t-shirt and then found Abby's in the dirt laundry pile. I asked Megan to pick one of hers out (she has at least 6). She came out with one and no others. I explained to her that I needed to borrow one of hers for today because I could not find Brigid's. I looked under Brigid's bed, in the playroom, the dirty laundry pile, everywhere. I then went with Megan to her dresser drawer to find another shirt. Only there weren't any. Now it's almost 9:30 at night and I need to start a load of laundry (for Abby's shirt) and wait up until I can then put it in the dryer. I'm getting frazzled (and grumpy) because I can't find any of Megan's other shirts. I'm standing at the washing machine, cussing in my head, while trying to do this damn load of laundry when Megan comes out with a handful of shirts. Her head was hanging down as she said, "Here, Mom. Here are my other shirts." "Megan, where were they?" "I hid them so that no one else could wear one." I'm guessing the guilt of her actions got the best of her. At first I was so annoyed with Megan. She hates to share anything with her sisters (especially Brigid). But then watching me stand at that washer and worry that Brigid wouldn't have a H.M. shirt to wear today made Megan go back and fish her shirts out of their hiding place. So I'm thinking that maybe Megan's finally getting it. Finally starting to grow up just a bit. And after all that, I found Brigid's shirt in the dryer with the towels I had washed from two days before. (Yes I still had towels in the dryer. It's an extra drawer isn't it?)
Alls well, that ends well.

Rain

Someone please make the rain go away! Being stuck inside a classroom all day with 11 three year olds is driving me crazy!! They really need to be able to go outside and run, play and be noisy. So please take the rain away!!!!!

Adoption Day Part 2

Megan, my sister-in-law Cindy, and I went to the St. James Art Festival on Sat. It was a beautiful day. And it was the most crowded I have ever seen St. James. After 3 hours of walking around looking at all kinds of things, we went to dinner at the Spaghetti Factory. Megan was super antsy because all she could think about was riding on the horse-drawn carriage by the river. Since the carriages were parked by the restaurant Megan spent most of the meal staring out the window at the horses. After dinner (in which Megan DECLINED dessert) we let Megan picked the carriage she wanted to ride in by the river. She smiled the whole time. I'm not sure Megan even noticed that her Aunt and I were talking. I wish I could afford to take Megan on more of these rides. Or to have her around horses more. After we were finished we went to Kroger, loaded up on goodies, and rented Nancy Drew from RedBox. Then it was on to home where we cuddled on the couch, ate lots of junk, and watched the movie. When it was time for bed, Megan decided to sleep with me. As she was drifting off to sleep she declared it "The best day ever!" It definitely was right up there.

(And a special thank you to Aunt Cindy for helping to fund some of the day. Megan really enjoyed her company.)

Adoption Day

On Thursday, July 27, 2000, at 4:29 in the afternoon our phone rang. I answered it and it was Diane from Catholic Charities on the other end. We were waiting patiently (ok not too patiently) for a baby. I had just talked to Diane a few weeks earlier and knew that we had not been chosen by anyone and that there weren't any expectant moms due for awhile so I figured it was just paperwork business she was calling for. Here is how the conversation went:

Diane: Hey Kristina. What are you doing right now?
Me: I'm cooking dinner and waiting for Patrick to get home from work.
D: What ya cooking?
M: Chicken
D: That sounds good. What else are you cooking?
M: Rice. (Ok so now I'm getting little nervous)
D: That sounds really good. Do you think maybe you could put that on hold for awhile?
M: Why? (Now I'm shaking. I figure she's going to tell me a birthmother wanted to meet us)
D: Because there is a baby at Norton's that needs to be held.

And in that single solitary moment, I was a Mom. Megan was 24 hours old. Her birthmother wanted to wait until she had left the hospital before we got the call. I can't put into words how greatful I am to Megan's birthmother for making this choice. I say this every year but my single best day EVER was that day. The feeling of holding Megan in my arms for the first time was so awe inspiring that I still choke up at that memory. (I'm sure the patrons in the library are thinking I'm nuts as I have tears rolling down my face while typing.) Tomorrow is Adoption Day for us. It took 14 months for the court to finalize everything. Every year we celebrate this day with Megan. Tomorrow I'm scheduled to have Megan for the whole day. Just her and I. We're going to the St. James Art Festival, out to dinner to the Spahgetti Factory, and a carriage ride downtown. I can't wait. I am so Blessed and lucky to be Megan's Mom. She drives me crazy sometimes. But she is the most amazing kid. I hope that in some way Megan's birthmother knows how wonderful she is. Megan is a great kid. So tomorrow if you get a moment just say a little prayer of thank you to Megan's birthmother. For making the choice to give Megan life. For making the choice to give me life. Life as a Mom.

Cindy, My sister-in-law

Cindy I hope you don't mind if I post this here. I was floored when I received this. THANK YOU so much for sending this to me. I really don't think about myself very often. Somedays it just seems as if I only have enough energy to take care of everyone else. Not myself. Thank you so much again. By the way, you're pretty damn amazing yourself.

YOU HAVENT BEEN BLOGGING MUCH LATELY.IN CASE YOU DONT REALIZE THIS,RIGHT NOW IS A GREAT TIME IN YOUR LIFE, AND IM NOT TALKING ABOUT THE GIRLS THAT WILL ALWAYS BE GOOD FOR YOU.YOU NEED TO GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT NOW ,NOT JUST AS A MOM,BUT AS A WOMEN.THE WORLD IS DOING BAD NOW ,NO JOBS, OR JOBS WITH PAY CUTS.YOU AS A WOMEN MADE A CHOICE TO GET YOUR LIFE BACK ON TRACK.YOU DONT MAKE ALOT,BUT YOU STILL WORKED OUT A SYSTEM FOR YOU AND THE GIRLS.WHEN YOU GET UP IN THE MORNING(THE ONE WHERE YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND STARE AT YOURSELF AND ASK WHY,AND WANT TO CLIMB BACK IN BED AND SAY ITS TO MUCH)JUST REMEMBER ITS NOT TO MUCH FOR A WOMEN LIKE ME.YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH ALOT.WOMEN,MOTHERS,WORKING SINGLE WITH NO HELP,HAVE A SPECIAL SOMETHING TUCKED DOWN INSIDE.(ITS NOT A PENIS EITHER....LOL) ITS EXTRA ENERGY WHEN YOU NEED IT,EXTRA HUGS TO GIVE,EXTRA METAL AWARENESS ABOUT WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE AND GETTING IT DONE.WOMEN CAN PUSH THEMSELF MORE WHEN THEY NEED TO.SO TOMORROW WHEN YOU GET UP AND START YOUR DAY,STOP,GIVE YOUSELF A PAT ON THE BACK AND ALITTLE SMILE. YOU RECOGNIZED THE GIRLS ON YOUR BLOG ,AND IM RECOGNIZING YOU OR BETTER YET. HOW ABOUT YOU DO THAT? JUST WANTED TO SAY YOUR DOING A GOOD JOB STINA.KEEP IT UP

My girls

I truly have the best girls in the world. I love them with all my heart and just want everyone to know that. With everything that goes on it is so easy for me to get bogged down in the hard work and struggle. Truly they are lovely girls. Even when they drive me crazy! I got everything I ever wished for, prayed for, and hoped for when God blessed me (us) with Megan, Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline. God really does answer prayers.

Louisville Magazine

Our article in Louisville Magazine is out. If you click on the link and then click on the magazine you will find the article. The story starts on page 30 with Ali and her handsome boys. Our pic is on pg. 32. I kinda knew going in that our story is the negative of what can happen with a family who has multiples. But I think that the writer did a nice job of keeping things positive. I posted a comment on facebook about my life and some of my friends took it as me feeling badly about things. So I want to clarify. I do not feel badly about my life. I am not thrilled about some aspects of it. And really this is not where I expected to be at this point in my life. But really I have everything I need. I have my amazing girls. They are the joy of my life. And compared to where I was at this time last year? I am a million miles from that. I continue to work hard and make things for my girls as great as possible. So I am NOT in a funk. I am not feeling badly. My life is what it is and frankly I am proud of having built things up to where they are now. And that is all anyone can ask of me and all I can ask of myself. So from this point on I will continue to look forward. I've spent enough time beating myself up about my past and feeling badly. I've worked damn hard. I can only go forward. I am Kristina, hear me roar!!!! (ok I just couldn't help myself there)

My new van

Here it is. My new van. It took almost 3 hours of paperwork at Carmax and a monthly payment I want to throw up about but here it is. The gratitude I feel in my heart for all those kind souls who were willing to help out is overwhelming. I can't begin to thank everyone enough. I have told everyone I meet about the kindness of family, friends, and strangers alike. It may have only been $10 but to this family your donations meant everything. I can't wait until the girls are back from their Dad's on Tuesday to show them our new van. Now if there is ever anything I can do for anyone, just ask. I am forever greatful to everyone. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Love and God Bless,
Kristina

Louisville Magazine

We were interviewed for the September issue of Louisville Magazine about life with triplets. I got an advanced copy in the mail and it looks pretty good. I just wish it didn't look like I have 3 chins. :( But maybe that's because I do. Anyway. As soon as I get the link for the article and it is online, I'll post it here. Now of course I'm late picking up the girls from school. Ten minutes late to everything. On a great note too I pick up my van on Sat. Hooray!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you so much for everyone who helped out. I talked to my friend this morning and we now have $1500 for my down payment. I called Carmax and they are working on getting something together for me. I will hopefully have a van this weekend!!!!! Thank you so much for prayers answered. Thank you so much for being willing to help me/us out. I am forever and eternally greatfu. to everyone. You guys are amazing!!!!!!!!!

Facebook donations

So I posted my totally joking comment about needing $1 from 1500 people to help cover the cost of the down payment for a minivan. Another triplet Mom said how about $10 from 150 people. So she started asking friends on her Facebook page to help. To date she has over $300 through the mail and a paypal account. Another triplet Mom jumped on it and I've been getting checks in the mail via her friends. I'm now up to at least $650. Here is the Facebook post:

"THANKS SO MUCH to my friends who have donated to help the single mother (of triplets plus one) that I mentioned last week. I now have a paypal account set up to accept online donations (sarahgocards1114@yahoo.com) BTW: I don't get charged a fee if you call it a "gift". I have $300 of the $1500 goal, so far. It will be SO cool if 150 of my FB friends each give $10!! Am counting on you all! We can do this! THANKS!"

I've been using my nephew's pick-up truck to get the girls back and forth to school and work but he needs it back. I figured it would take 3 buses to get the girls to their school and an extra one to get me from their school back to work, and another 4 buses to get home every night. There is no bus transportation for the girls to school as they are at their school on a hardship transfer because I pick them up at 3:45 and bring them back to the preschool I work at in the afternoon. Long story short life is VERY complicated without a vehicle. I asked the ex to help out and got a one word email "No". Not that I wasn't surprised but shocked none the least.

The girls and I were interviewed by Louisville Magazine for a September issue about raising multiples. My friend Ali and her boys were interviewed as well. The writer is very interested in the Facebook story as well.

Life continually throws us lemons. I seem to get more than my fair share. At lot of it is my poor choices and sometimes life just sucks. But the utter amazement I feel at the fact that people I know and people I don't know are willing to help ME leaves me speechless and shaking my head. My friend who orginally started the Facebook request does not want her name known. I asked because I wanted to tell the writer from LM about it. But she knows who she is and I believe there will be a special place in Heaven for that girl. :)

So thanks all for your offers of help. My email address is on my blog if you want to contact me.

$50 from 30 people

That's what I would need to come up with my down payment for a vehicle. Any vehicle. Not just a van. I just simply can't get a loan otherwise. A friend told me to stay positive. I can't! I'm at 3 TARC buses just to get to work. It would be 4-5 to get the girls to school in the morning if they stay at their current school. I can have them switch schools but they will be devastated. In order to pick them up from school in the afternoon I would have to leave work early. There's less pay. Or I can enroll them in CEP. There's an extra $200 a month on top of the over $200 a month it will cost us to ride the TARC bus. That's over $400 a month. I will NEVER be able to save up enough money to buy another vehicle. I'm tired of hearing it will work out. HOW? I'm going to have to grocery shop using the bus. Carrying gallons of milk. Kitty litter. Laundry detergent. There is no grocery store within walking distance. How the fuck am I going to do this with 4 kids in tow? As it stands now we won't be arriving home until 7:30-8:00 every evening. Then we have to do homework, dinner, baths and bed. Then get up at 5:30 a.m. and start it all over again. I'm in such a panic that I don't know how we will survive. Truly. Don't suggest the ex. Not a possibility. So I'm thinking $50 from 30 people. $25 from 60 people. Or $1 from 1500 people. Any takers?

It really can get worse

I've struggled here in the last 7 months to really pull myself up from my bootstraps. Found a good job, a nice place to live, can afford small things for the girls. Finally starting to enjoy life a bit. Then the van died. I need $1500 as a down payment to buy a car. NO ONE will loan me any money to buy a van except for Carmax. And only with $1500 down. I don't have it. I know it's my fault that my credit is so stinky. I really felt like this was the beginning of things getting better. How do I get myself and 4 kids around with a car? I came to the library today to look up TARC schedules. Life is going to be really tough trying to get around on city buses with 4 kids. I'm not really concerned about the hardship for me. I've survived SO MANY really bad things that this just falls in line with everything else. I don't want the hardship for the girls. I know they will think taking the bus is fun. But it is going to be really bad for them. I'm finding it hard to find a silver lining in all this. It just makes me feel like this is my just dessert for the things I've done in my life. I just don't feel worthy of good things happening anymore. Again I can carry the yuck all by myself without sympathy from anyone. But why should my girls have to suffer? I've too often lived in just the moment and the immediate future. I suck at looking down the road. I should have been planning for this. But I didn't. I had hoped the car would make it till tax time when I could have had a bit more for a down payment. And I should have been saving something. Should have. Could have. I didn't. So yes I am feeling really down. But I'll keep going. I have to. My children need it and expect it of me.

My van

So now here's the bad news. My van is dying. My brother came to look at it yesterday and it is not looking good. My nephew has loaned me his truck for a few days (Thanks Evan). The girls are with their Dad this week (camping in Minnesota, ugh) so that helps a little. My brother is having a friend of his over to the apartment tomorrow to take a look and see if he can fix it. If he can't I may need another van. The problem is that my credit sucks with the foreclosure on it. And I'm not going to get anything for the van. So I need to find a place that is willing to lend me the money to purchase a van with nothing down and less than $200 a month. I'm not sure that place exists. I don't know what the hell to do. I was already looking at getting a part-time job on the weekends that Patrick has the girls to help make ends meet. Now I will definitely need to do that just to help pay for another vehicle. Notice that I did not say "new". No way I can afford new. I need something in the $8000 range. Crap. Crap. and more crap.

Bonjour

Caroline's new foods of choice are fruit, cheese, and bread. I told her last week that she could live in France with those choices. She was so taken with the idea that she was "French" that we had a special dinner last Thursday night. We went to Kroger and bought Brie, fruit, French bread, and sparkling grape juice. The girls loved that they could just break a piece of bread off the loaf. Megan is now addicted to Brie. And we all had sparking grape juice (wine) out of my crystal wine glasses. They enjoyed the evening so much that we will be "French" again another evening. Bon Appetit!!

More pics

Meeting the Saddle Club girls.

Megan, Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline watching Bluejeans perform.

Megan and Caroline meeting Bluejeans-Hannah Montana's horse in the movie.

Breyerfest Pictures

Changing tack on the model horse.

Brigid, Abigail, and Caroline in front of Triple Select bedding. Triple the Triplets!!

Caroline says "giddyup!"

Megan living her dream moment back in the saddle again.

The Breyerfest. Need I say more!

iParenting.com

So the article that I was interviewed for awhile back has been written and is up on the website. The site address is www.pregnancytoday.com/articles/multiples/does-having-multiples-lead-to-divorce-6673/

It is pretty accurate. Of course, not everything we discussed was written about, which is often the case with any interview. The only thing I wish was written slightly differently is that my ex didn't lift a finger to help. I guess I think it sounds more negative than I would have preferred. I try not to bash the ex in anything written or to the girls. Sometimes it is hard though.

So take a look and let me know what you think.

It's been interesting watching Jon and Kate's marriage on TV. I've always been a big fan and really a big fan of Jon's until he started dating the daughter of Kate's plastic surgeon. They are family friends and I think he may have stepped over the line. Interesting again is the fact that he appears to have had no problems finding women to date when he has 8 kids. But the press keeps making fun of Kate and how undesirable she is BECAUSE she has 8 kids. Why is that? Personally I think we women should be more appealing because we are the ones who are strong enough to raise the kids basically on our own. We do it all and I don't see the press (or anyone else for that matter) applauding all the hard work we do everyday. I would think men would find us more desirable simply because we can handle everything without walking away from our responsibilities. IMHO.

Breyerfest

So we finally went to Breyerfest this weekend. The ultimate weekend as far as the girls were concerned. An entire day full of horses (real and model), hay, dirt, middle-aged women, and girls. I'm not sure I saw any boys the whole weekend. The girls got to ride ponies. They met the girls from the Saddle Club and got their autographs. We watched the Saddle Club girls perform and met Lizzy Traband who is a one-armed girl who does amazing horse tricks.

The absolute highlight of the weekend was that the girls got to meet Blue Man Steel aka "Bluejeans" from the Hannah Montana movie. I took a gazillion pictures. Megan practically glowed while she was talking with the owner of the horse. The girls got to pet him and hang out with the horse and the owner for awhile. Megan even got pics with Bluejeans, his owner, and her model Bluejeans horse. Heaven.

We then finished out the day by staying the night in a hotel in Lexington. I had to skip paying a bill to cover it and the girls used their birthday money and savings. But it was well worth it. On Sunday morning we got up around 8:30 and went to the hotel pool to swim. We had the entire pool to ourselves for an hour. It was wonderful. The girls' Dad has been teaching them to swim so it really was a lot of fun.

Only a few downers. For one, ten minutes near hay and I can't breathe. Thank God for Benedryl and even then I could hardly breath the whole time we were at the Kentucky Horse Park (site of the Breyerfest). Two, I didn't have money to buy any Breyer horses. That was a hard pill for Megan to swallow and a lot of the weekend was me saying "no" to her many requests to buy one. Did you know that they have Breyer horses that cost upwards of $1000 and more? Yikes. Megan did get one with the admission ticket we bought. Abby, Brigid, and Caroline were free and they all three got a stuffed Breyer horse.

At the hotel, Megan was sitting in the hot tub with a couple of women in their 60s. They struck up a conversation about horses. The one woman was selling all sorts of Breyer horses. She asked Megan for her room number (which really pissed me off, the woman should have known better). She convinced Megan she was going to give her a free one. After talking with Megan, the woman came over to me and said that Megan REALLY wanted a Breyer horse. I told the woman I could not afford one and Megan knew this before we even came Lexington. The rest of the time at the hotel everytime there was a noise outside our room, Megan would run to the door. And, no surprise here, the woman never showed up with a free horse for Megan. I was livid. The only thing the woman was trying to do was make a sale by making me feel bad and getting Megan's hopes up. Just awful. The amazing thing for me was watching Megan sitting in the hot tub talking to everyone in there. After that awful woman left, I watched Megan talk to 4 other ladies about everything under the sun. I am always in awe of Megan's ease in talking to other people.

On a lighter note, Brigid got her face painted on Sat. to look like a tiger. Very cute. Abby had a huge butterfly painted on her face. And Caroline asked for a horse. They were so excited. All day Caroline kept asking if we were really still in Kentucky. Brigid was so excited to be in Lexington you would think it was Paris. And Abby just seemed to enjoy every minute of everything.

The girls declared it the "best day ever!"

Baggage

Last night I took the girls to dinner at Fazoli's. Tuesday is kid's night and dinner for each child with a drink is 99 cents. So for all 5 of us to go out to dinner it costs me about $10. Not bad. Plus they do a kid craft in the party room. I agreed to meet Ali and her boys there for a night of fun. An unexpected guest showed up to have dinner as well. I was happy to see this extra guest but it sort of put me off. And here's why. I never feel like I am good enough. I realize that this is baggage left over from high school where my parents just did not have enough money to buy the things I thought I needed to fit in. So I usually just hung back in the shadows and did my best to not stick out in the crowd. This person at dinner last night is usually very pleasant and was last night too. But I felt uncomfortable. And it totally was me. I can't afford a month in Florida on vacation. I can't afford a new van. I can't afford to dress my girls in Polo or any other designer for that matter. Did I get treated like less than a person last night? No. Did I feel it in my mind? Yes. How do I get past the baggage of the past? I took what could have been a very pleasant evening and simply ruined it by feeling uncomfortable. And that happens often when I am in group settings. I am not where I expected to be at 41. I suspect most of us aren't. But I would love to get past those awful feelings of never feeling good enough. So to Ali and the guest last night. I apologize for being in a stinky mood. I'll do better next time.

Open wide and say "Ah"

Yes it's that time of year. The annual GYN exam. Ew. Yuck. I figure I should be use to it by now what with FIVE pelvic surgeries, IUIs, IVF, and what-have-you. But it still stinks. And this one was with a new doctor. I would love to know why they make you strip down to nothing but socks, put a paper gown on you that only goes just to your belly button, give you what equates to being a paper towel and then leave you for 20 MINUTES while you hope and pray the whole time someone doesn't come in there by mistake. I think next time I'm bringing my own robe so I can sit down in comfort while waiting for someone to come in and look at my who-ha. Next month is mammogram time. Since Mom died of digestive tract cancer I figure at some point they are going to suggest a colonoscopy. Weee. At least a got a prescription for some new hormones to help control the hot flashes. Mine are so bad they could melt paint.

The girls were so glad to be home last night. By the time I got done scrubbing them down and cutting fingernails and toenails (that's 80 nails in all) it was 10:30. They fell right to sleep. And wouldn't you know it, Brigid ended up in my bed. I didn't mind a bit. :0)

On a different note, I am addicted to Cake Boss on TLC. I was watching one last night where a niece, I think, had a ballet recital. The whole family got together afterwards for a really huge party. All I could think of was how cool that had to be to have so much family around all the time. I am envious. I just really enjoy watching the guys in that bakery make such georgeous, delicate cakes.

Hooray!!!!

My girls are home! My girls are home!! I am so excited!!! They got home at 2:30 this afternoon. Actually the ex dropped them off at my work at 2:30. I cried. It feels soooo good to have them home. The first few days they were gone it was a relief to get a break. Then it got old really quick. I was climbing the walls yesterday waiting for them to get back. They were due back at 6 p.m. last night. At 1 p.m. the ex called and said they were going to have a "light picnic" and then they would leave around 3 or 4 p.m. Great. At 11 p.m. last night the ex called. Something about Megan stacking the carseats with "stuff" on them and the carseats and the car were now filled with ants. WTF????? ANTS???? He was trying to get rid of them but just couldn't seem to do it. So now they had to stay the night in St. Louis again and he would bring them back on Monday. Again I'm trying not to speak negatively about the ex but c'mon. Really? I feel like that skit on SNL where the two newscasters just keep saying "really?" A simple call in the afternoon yesterday to say they were going to stay another night would have been fine. So I was very skeptical about the girls returning today. You can imagine my relief to have them back here with me today. They are currently at VBS this week in the evening. I feel badly that VBS started today and they just got back today. If they hadn't been so excited about going I would have just kept them home tonight. It will be good to go home tonight and go to sleep knowing the girls are safely with me again.

Life is good.

5:30 a.m.

I called Pat's cell phone last night around 7 p.m. and talked to the girls. They told me they were having a wonderful time. They were watching a movie. They had been to a St. Louis Cardinals baseball game. They went to Chuck E. Cheese on the triplets' birthday. I was feeling really good about having the time off and easing up on my guilt ride (which I sometimes wear as armor). At 5:30 a.m. this morning, my phone rang. I fumbled for the phone and with blurry eyes I could see it was Pat's cell phone. By the time I answered it he had already hung up. So I frantically called him back positive that something horrible had happened. He answered and said that they couldn't find Abby's Mousey in the tent and were using the cell phone as a flashlight to see. They accidently dialed my number and everything was fine. I was feeling very relieved and then all of a sudden it hit me. Tent? What tent? I asked where they were. A long pause......"camping". That's Pat's usual code for "I took the girls to St. Louis without telling you." But they're already in St. Louis. Where are you? No answer. I asked if they were camping in his girlfriend's backyard. No answer. Then "yes." And that was the end of the phone call. I am fuming because their was no mention of camping in the phone call the night before. For some reason I think Patrick thinks I am trying to check up on HIM. But to be honest I don't care where HE is. We're divorced. If he moves to South Africa tomorrow I could care less. I want to know where the GIRLS are. It is my right as a parent to know where they are. I want to know they are safe. I want to know they are being taken care of properly. For some reason I can't get that message through to Pat. No matter what I do or say he thinks it is about him. It's not. It's all about the girls. It always will be about the girls. Friends say, "How nice, you have a whole week off, or you have a weekend off." But it's not nice. I worry the entire time about where the girls are. I try so hard not to say negative things about Pat on this blog. But for the last four years everytime they go with him I worry. Because he has been pretty consistent with NOT letting me know where the girls are or how they are. Two weeks ago he was taking them camping for a weekend. When they got back home I found out they went to St. Louis. No phone call, no email, nothing. Who does that? EVERYTIME I have taken the girls someone (such as the Aquarium in Ohio) I have notified him. I leave telephone numbers and names of hotels so that if he ever needed or WANTED to talk to the girls, then he had access. He has my work number, my home number, my cell number, my brother's number, and my friend Ali's number (hope that's ok Ali!) in case he ever needed something. And he takes the girls for a week and I don't get to know anything. So today I am mad. I am fuming. And I am sick with worry about where the girls are at now.

Guilt

Mom guilt. I have a lot of it. I was in bed last night and I couldn't sleep. Part of it is because the girls are not in the apartment and I miss them. But mostly because my mind got to racing about all the things I just don't feel I do well with the girls. I sometimes am short with them. I don't have enough time in my day to be as patient as I should be with them. Abby's haircut. She got a cut that looks like Mia Farrow's in Rosemary's Baby. (Dates me a bit doesn't it?) She wanted a longer cut like Brigid's and the lady who cut it just really whacked it all off. Abby is thrilled with it but I feel guilty that it got cut that short. Brigid loves to read. A lot of times I don't have time to read to her in the evenings and I feel she misses out. Megan wants Air Jordan tennis shoes. She got Payless tennis shoes. Now I feel guilty. Caroline just wants to be held, and cuddled, and cozied with every evening. I just don't have the time. I live in a second floor apartment. They can't run, jump, dance, or be noisy in there. I feel guilty. We went to Kentucky Kingdom on Sat. with free passes from school. I couldn't afford to buy snacks there so we just drank a lot of water. We left at 2 p.m. and didn't have dinner until 10 p.m. I felt like the worst parent ever. I took a nap on Sunday. I feel guilty that I enjoyed the day without the girls. I do so much for them but some days it just never feels like it is enough. I hope that when the girls get older and look back on things they will realize that I sacrificed so much and went without just so they could have what they have. I shop at Goodwill, I color my own hair (but only if the color is on sale for $4 or less), I bought $4 dollar tennis shoes at K-Mart. I broke a tooth at my last job and don't have the money to fix it. I have cavities that need to be fixed but don't have the money. I have a car without air conditioning. It sure does get hot in there. But I don't regret a moment of going without because I know my girls benefit. I just wish that some days I didn't feel so guilty.

An update

Man, it's been awhile since I have posted. A lot has happened. We moved. We found a nice 3 bedroom 2 bath apartment with 1600 sq. ft. The price is right and the girls really like it. I like that we get to start over fresh. I only moved what I needed so it has been easy to keep things clean and organized. Plus when the kitchen sink plugged up on Sat. I just called maintenance and they came right over and fixed it. Ahhhh. No need to try and find money to have a plumber come out and fix things.

My job is going well. I finally found a place where I can stand still for awhile. The money's not great but better than most childcare places. I have no health insurance though. And I found out in April that I have Type II Diabetes. The upside to that is that the weight is falling off. Just 25-30 lbs. left to go. And thanks to the Spirit program at the YMCA I've been able to join with the girls. Now I can work-out while the girls are in the KidSpace. After I am done we head out to the water park there and swim. Life has been nice. I've made so many strides over the last 7 months. I sometimes hesitate to say things are going well because I am so afraid I might jinx things.

Caroline was Star Student of the Month in May. She was so proud of herself. Megan was Star Student in June. That means all 4 girls were Star Students at their school this year. I feel like that is some feedback in how I am doing things with the girls. I sometimes question myself as to whether I am doing a good job. I have no one to bounce things off of; no one to tell me I'm doing things right or wrong. So it's nice to see that they are doing well in school. Megan got so many awards in her class at the end of the year that it got kind of embarrassing. :) Her teacher just could not seem to praise her enough. Now if I could only see some of that wonderful behavior at home!!

I'll update more tomorrow. The girls went with their Dad to St. Louis for the week. This is my first break since he lost his utilities in early January. He has not had overnight visits. I'm not sure what I am going to do with all my time!!

I'm moving

Ok so it's official. I need to move by Sat. Apr. 4. Not much notice which really sucks. I have it pretty much narrowed down to two places. I'm getting help from my brother and nephew in moving. And Ali's husband, Bob, is helping too. But I need more help. If anyone is interested in helping with the move next Sat. let me know. And if anyone has an extra truck I could borrow that would be great too. I hate to ask but I'm in need of help and I figured the best way to get help is just to ask. Thanks!

New Job

I started a new job at the beginning of Jan. It's a nice childcare center but I make very little money. I found a new job that is only 2 miles from the girls' school and $2 an hour more than what I am making now. Plus I don't start until 9 a.m. so there is no need for morning childcare for the girls and the school is letting me leave at 3:45 to pick up my girls and bring them back with me until I get off at 5 p.m. So I do not need childcare at all in the afternoon either! Just with the pay raise and no childcare costs I am looking at over $600 extra in my pocket each month. That's not to mention the money I save in gas and I can eat lunch at the preschool too. I start Mar. 10. The hours will be so much better for the girls. They are exhausted. They've been spending 10 hours a day at their school. Last night after we got home I had to make dinner, help with homework for 4 girls, give baths, trim bangs on 3 girls and cut finger and toe nails. They girls did not get to be until 9:30. Waaayyyy to late. So just a week and half more and our hours will be so much better. Things are slowly looking up and I am feeling good and positive about things. The school that I am at now wanted me to stay and offered me $1.50 an hour more but I will still have to pay for childcare for the girls. Now I just need to find a part-time job for when the girls are with their Dad so that I can have health insurance.

The girls are doing well and Abby was Star Student of the Month for January!!!! She got a new dress and hairbow for the occasion. Her Dad even showed up! I'm tickled because she works soooo hard at school. It doesn't come easy for her but she sure tries. There have now been 3 Star Students in our family. Caroline is patiently waiting and hoping she gets chosen soon. :)

Speaking of Caroline, the girl loooves fruit. Any kind. The more exotic the better but her favorite is kiwis. Last night I bought a King cake to have for Mardi Gras. It had cherry filling in it. Caroline was in hog Heaven and said, "I'm not a vegetarian. I'm a fruitatarian!" The girl's a mess!!!! She has the most unusual take on things but definite makes me laugh.

Megan's last cheerleading game is Friday. It has been a long haul and I am glad it is winding down. Her coaches bought everyone pizza at practice last night so megan was thrilled. She continues to do well in school. Every single spelling test she has had this year has been 100% or better. Only once has she gotten just 100%. Every other test has been 105%. She just gets it. Spelling and reading come easy to her. She made the Advanced Program for next year and is just really bright.

Brigid was chosen in her Kindergarten class to read a passage aloud to the school about Harriet Tubman for a Black History Celebration. (My girls call it Brown History Month because they say people have brown and peach skin not white and black) I didn't get to see it (had to work) but her Dad showed up and said it was really cute.

Things for the girls' Dad continue to be rough. I don't post when there are negative things to say about him but he is having a rough time. He is without electricity at the moment and has been for almost 2 months. I've given him info on how to get help paying his bill and I am hoping he gets it back soon. I think this is the first time in over 3 1/2 years that I actually feel sorry for him and hope he gets himself together. It makes the girls sad that they can't have overnight visits with him. Say a little prayer for him.

I'm still in my house. Don't know when I need to leave but I am sticking it out to the end and trying to save money so that when I do move it won't be a hardship.

That's about it in my crazy world. Hope all is well in yours.

And the days go on

Time to update. Lots of things have happened since I last wrote. First off my sister Lisa is no longer living with us. She just couldn't stay sober/clean. Lisa knew that if there were any missteps as far as her addiction was concerned she would have to leave. I've been dealing with her issues for 23 years. And came to the realization that I didn't want to spend the next 23 years dealing with the same thing and I definitely did not want my girls exposed to the very same thing for the next 23 years either. It has been really hard on the girls not having Aunt Lisa in their lives anymore. But when it comes down to it my responsibility is to my girls. And there is no reason on earth that they have to be subjected to the very same things my family has been subjected to with Lisa. I don't know where she is at and I no longer have any contact with her. Harsh? No, I don't think so. Just reality.

Megan tested into the advanced program for school next year in 4th grade. I always knew that kid was smart but it is nice to see that others agree. She scored in the NINTH percentile for her verbal abilities. No surprise there!

Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline continue to do well in school. Brigid is so darn smart too. She is very much like Megan. She picks things up easily and has an incredible memory. She has become obsessed with dates. She comes home everyday and tells us about birthdays or holidays coming up in school. She studies the calendar everyday too and discusses the Chinese New Year or when the 100th day of school will be. And she has just blossomed in school. Her behavior at home has been amazing as well.

Caroline is my oddball. And I say that in the nicest way possible in celebration of her oddness. Last night she informed everyone that it really is more comfortable sleeping in a box. We have lots of cardboard boxes so that we can pack when we finally move. She has picked one and likes to put her pillow in it with a blanket (her didi) and cozy. She is definitely (as her teacher describes) a thinker. She likes to observe and really processes information. The other night we were talking about how commercials are slanted so that the advertisers get you to buy their products. I talked about how cigarette ads are designed to get you to buy them so that you make the owners money even though cigarettes are so bad for you. Caroline sat for a moment and then started crying. I asked what was wrong and she said that she hated the cigarette people for tricking Aunt Lisa, Uncle Erik, and Papa and Bestamor into smoking. Papa died from cigarette smoking and now Aunt Lisa and Uncle Erik are going to die too. It was a huge leap for her to make that assumption. But that is how Caroline is. She is so very sensitive to things like that.

Abby continues to be so much of a Momma's girl. I always get lots of hugs and kisses from her. School has been a bit harder for her. She is getting it and the lightbulb is starting to come on but it has been a slow process for her. My Dad always said Abby would be the one with all the friends around her and that is turning out to be so. Her teacher says that she always has friends around her seat in class and that sometimes Abby is not paying attention because she is too busy being social. There is something to be said for having a lot of friends. Abby is sweet and the protector of the family. If Megan is picking on any sister Abby is always there to defend them. It is amazing how protective she is over all of her sisters.

Now some good news for me! I got a job!! It's not exactly what I wanted and the pay is really not so great. But as my brother put it I am making more money there then sitting on my butt at home. The job does offer health insurance which is a major plus. So I am going to take it because it is a start. I will be a floater in a childcare center. I give breaks, help out where needed, answer phones, etc. I kind of like the fact that I don't have to do lesson plans and that I just go to work and when I leave at the end of the day I can focus on the girls and not worry about work. I will continue to look for a position that is more suited to what I am looking for, but this is a good solid start.

I went back and reread my first couple of blog entries from last year. My goal for 2008 was to do everything just a little bit better. And for the most part I think I met my goal. Oprah has been touting her show this week as making this your best life ever. I am striving again to make things just a little bit better. Things at home as far as the mess factor goes is getting better. The girls are older and in school all day so they house isn't such a mess. And I have been following the Fly Lady again. If you are not familiar with her check out her website flylady.com She gives amazing hints for keeping your house looking good. The entire living area of my house is now clean, organized and ready for moving. I am now focusing on the basement and garage with good success. If I haven't used it in a year it is gone. I spend 15-30 minutes every evening after the girls go to bed tacking one closet, one box, one drawer, etc. in an effort to clean things out.

My weight has definitely been an issue in the last couple of years. But I have recently lost 27 lbs.!!!!! I'm making an effort to change my family's diet by adding extra fresh veggies and fruits. We talk at dinner about making good choices in what we eat. And I have successfully eliminated all soft drinks from my diet. That was tough. But I already feel better and look better. My next goal is to move. Some way everyday. Move my body more than I have been doing it.

I've made a concentrated effort to be better. To do better. To live better. To find the joy in doing little things again. And I feel so much better about it. Here is a quote from someone I know who gave me my "aha" moment: "You've got things backwards, Kristina. You can't wait to feel better to do something. You've got to do something to feel better." My life motto. Every time I move, whether it be exercise, housework, being with my kids, running errands or even reading, I feel better. My other "aha" moment came from Ali. I was complaining to her on Christmas Eve that I felt like I had worked so hard this year and was in exactly the same place as I was last year at this time. Her point? "You haven't gone backwards. Just sideways." That gave me some nice perspective as well. lol

So lots of rambling with lots of thoughts. But I have had so much in my head lately. Hope you can make some sense of it all!!