Happy birthday or I'm feeling sorry for myself.

What's new right?  I tend to feel sorry for myself a lot.  Today is my birthday.  I'm 44.  I don't mind birthdays.  When my parents were alive I LOVED my birthdays.  They had such a way of making me feel so special on my birthday.   Gifts were thought out, dinner was planned, guests invited.  Birthdays were a big deal.  Fast forward to now when they aren't here and my birthday just becomes another day.   My girls were happy  to wish me a happy birthday today.  And Caroline felt so badly that she couldn't give me a gift.  I realize that it hurts my girls when I don't get anything.

We did go to Liz and John's wedding today.  What a way to spend my birthday!

My girls were so excited to go to a real wedding!  That's what happens when you have a Mom obsessed with Four Weddings, Say Yes to the Dress, and My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.

  I had to pull up 4 different updos on youtube to do my girls' hair.  Megan wanted her hair and make-up to be like Bella Swan's from Breaking Dawn Part 1.  Did you know there are tutorials on youtube for that?  I'm quite proud of how it turned out!

Each girl wanted something different. Brigid even had a fancy hair doodad.

 They were so thrilled to be dressed up.  Abby loves this dress.  (FYI it's a consignment find.  In fact every dress my girls have on, mine included, is a consignment find)  And she has on the shoes Megan wore to her First Communion.

While driving to the church, Caroline said, "You know what Momma?  Today we look RICH."  She even caught the bouquet!  Adorable! 

 The wedding was so beautiful and simple complete with a cake reception in the church basement.  Liz is the daughter of Brigid's Godparents.  Brigid considers her a "Godsister".   

We came home and just vegetated in front of the television watching Mall Cop, then a documentary on the Titanic, then Pawn Stars.  Pretty random right?  I told the girls this was how I wanted to spend my birthday with them.

At almost 6 (almost an hour late) the ex showed up to pick up the girls for his week's vacation.  He is mad at me right now for the therapy visit on Wed.  So instead of a "happy birthday" or the understanding that I will be without my girls for a week, he couldn't get the girls in the car fast enough to drive away.  Now I don't expect my ex to gush that it is my birthday but I remind you that I have the girls get a gift for him at every stinking holiday.  Father's Day the girls picked out a Bible for him.  He gets something for Valentine's Day, his birthday, St. Patrick's Day, and Christmas.   I don't get him the gifts to make myself feel better.  I know what it means to THE GIRLS that THEY give him a gift.  They can hardly wait until he gets to the door so they can spring the gifts on him.  That makes MY heart feel good.  Yet each and every holiday I receive nothing.   So this evening I watched the loves of my life drive down the street on my birthday feeling pretty damn empty.  My life was driving away on the day that is supposed to celebrate my life.


So I picked up dinner for myself and went to the Family Dollar store.  I had to pick up some bathroom cleaner.  Yay me.  I had no reason to rush home so I just walked up and down each aisle taking my time.  Kinda nice to do that.  Then I saw that they now carry wall quote decals.  I love quotes.  I have them all over my kitchen, dining room, and living room.  Quotes constantly remind me of what I need to treasure in my family; in God.   And lo and behold there was a Godwink sitting there.  A decal with my favorite Bible verse:


       "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"  ~Philippians 4:13


Just a little reminder that, although I am sitting by myself on my birthday,  I can do anything through Christ.

So tonight I am savoring the quiet time to be introspective.  I'll work hard to not dwell on the fact that my children are gone for the week.   I'll use this time to finish up the organizational kick I'm on.  I'll help my friends get their house ready before they leave for Russia to bring home their new son and daughter.  I'll relax.  I'll meditate and pray.  I'll enjoy the quiet.   I'll try at least.