I think I might be suffering from it. I'm tired today. Pretty much everyday. I woke up with a killer migraine today. I'm having a lot of those lately. It sucks. I'm still internalizing everything from work. I'm trying to let things roll off my back. It's hard. Let's be honest. No one likes to be disliked. (Thanks Jeremiah). It hurts. And just so you know? When you exclude people from a get together after work? We notice. And it hurts our feelings. 'nuff said.
It's been a long day with the girls. Even though I had a killer migraine I still had to do things around the house. I had to go to Family Dollar and Kroger. I'd never been in a Family Dollar until a few months ago. Now it's my go to place for things like toilet paper and dish soap. I found 3 shirts in there for me that were $2 and $3 apiece. ChaChing! I hit Kroger (the Dirty as our city calls it because it earned that nickname several years ago) and ran into 2 friends from Field and ended up talking with some old lady about the big game tomorrow. U of L vs. UK. This city will shut down for a few hours for that game. I realized AGAIN that I have become my Mother. I would CRINGE every time I went someone where with my Mom and she would end up talking with anyone anywhere. I now do the same.
I had the girls pick up the living/dining room and kitchen. We Petey proofed it. Then I blocked off the upstairs so Petey can't go up there. Thanks to that move, Petey only had one accident today and it was by the front door. He still hasn't figured out how to tell us he needs to go. With the upstairs blocked off he can't go upstairs and pee, poop, or chew. Very successful day for Petey!
I did THREE load of dishes. I was so behind in the kitchen. I made lunch and dinner. Did 3 loads of laundry. It's been so long since I have been able to just take care of me when I am sick. No matter what my girls still need things from me during the day. No one is patient enough with Petey to take him outside so that is my job. It's easy to see how burnout occurs in single parents. I imagine it happens to married parents as well. At least if you are married you can tag team. If one is out with the dog, the other is cooking dinner. If one goes to Kroger, the other does laundry. In theory at least. Yes I get a weekend off every two weeks (again, in theory). It's just that for the two weeks leading up to that weekend it is an unending assault on my abilities as a parent. And call me crazy but I don't want to just do the bare minimum. My girls need my time. It's not their fault their parents are divorced. It's not their fault that their Dad doesn't step up to the plate the way he should and be involved in a PRODUCTIVE, HELPFUL, POSITIVE way. It's all on me.
It's a good things my girls are so dang lovable. That fact alone keeps me going. And I keep replaying a phrase in my head that I heard on a former TLC show "Table For Twelve". I'm Facebook friends with Betty. During an interview on the show they made a comment that was something to the effect of "It's not my time right now. It's their (the children) time. When they are grown it will be our time." That is what keeps me going. It's not my time right now. So I'll keep getting up everyday and keep going.
Except for tomorrow. It's Saturday. I'm sleeping in. That translate to about 8 a.m. if I am lucky.
Oh and in Brigid's words, "Happy New Year's Little Eve."
My Life in a Nut Shell
3 surgeries for Endometriosis, countless medications, and lots of difficult years trying to conceive. We put the medical stuff on hold and decided to work on being parents instead. In July of 2000 we were blessed beyond all measure with a phone call announcing the birth of our daughter, Megan. Megan's birth mother had given birth the day before and was leaving the hospital. We had no warning that Megan was coming. At 4:29 in the afternoon we were a couple, at 4:30 we were parents. Deciding that we wanted a sibling for Megan, we looked into all our options. This time insurance covered IVF. One round and we were blessed with triplets, Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline. Did you know that there is a 70% chance of divorce in families of Higher Order Multiples? Almost two years after the triplets were born my ex-husband and I separated and eventually divorced. During that time both my Mother and Father passed away from cancer. In February of 2007 my sister came to live with us to help out. In December of 2008 she had to leave so now it is me on my own with the girls. In February 2010, Lisa passed away and finally found her own Peace.