My friend Cindy B. sent me a message on FB that she misses my blog. Alright Cindy, here you go. I haven't blogged in awhile mainly because I've been so damn busy. And introspective. And bitchy. It's hard to post positivity when I'm not always feeling it. Here is my list of why I'm so damn crabby. Maybe if I put it out there, things will get better. At least in my mind.
1. Have a broken, dangly tooth that is killing me. I do not have dental insurance. So I will continue to walk around with said broken, dangly tooth until tax time in January. Maybe I'll lose some weight this way.
2. I'm tired of walking around on this damn broken ankle. I have neither the time nor the financial resources to go to a doctor about it. It sucks not having health insurance. I would love to have a sit down with people in Washington to discuss how much it sucks not having health insurance. I get to choose between going to work sick or going to a doctor where I don't get paid for missing work. So the paycheck wins out everytime. My ankle hurts.
3. I'm fat.
4. I'm tired. I'm tired of carrying this load by myself all the time. My ex decided to be super dad for a few weeks when his hours changed at work. I was thrilled that he was taking extra time with the girls. The problem is it only lasted a few weeks and his true colors came shining through when he got pissed at Megan for quitting the swim team. The extra time only works if it benefits HIM. Not our children.
5. I'm feeling underappreciated at work. I work really hard day in and day out. I'm taking on more and more responsibility without an increase in pay. I understand the reasoning behind what I make but I would really like to feel appreciated.
6. The apartment complex installed a spotlight on the building cattycorner from mine. A ginormous spotlight. So now the entire second floor of my townhome is illuminated at night. We do not need nightlights anymore at night. I'd like to think they installed it because they know I have to take a dog pee at 3 a.m. and now I have the
7. Last year some very wonderful women adopted my family for Christmas and provided my girls with a Christmas we will never forget. For that I am unbelievably grateful. But I knew the help would not be there this Christmas. I didn't expect it. The problem is that my girls got a Christmas that I could NEVER provide on my own. And now that I am back on my own I'm stressed to the max trying to figure out how to buy some basic gifts for the girls. I'll be late with rent. And the car payment, and the car insurance. Oh yeah and the cable/phone/internet. And that's just to provide basic gifts. I realize that Christmas is not about the gift receiving but let's face it. Children come to expect things.
I want to skip straight on to the end of January thank you very much.
I need a change in my life. A positive change. It started with the bible study with my neighbors. I now find myself reading, and studying, the bible. It feels amazing. I can flip through it and find verses I am looking for. I like that. And I came to the realization, as stated in John, (fancy aren't I?) that if I believe in God I have to believe in Jesus. It's as simple as that. All that wondering and doubt was erased in a single afternoon with the belief that Jesus is the son of God. And my Savior. So now I'm interested in attending the Seminary. The trick is finding out how to fund that and make it possible. I'm already so tapped out with my time and more importantly my energy that I'm worried that this might be one thing too many. I just keep reminding myself that with God all things are possible.
I have had a bad case of baby fever. I can't have any more children. Kinda makes the baby fever a hard thing to live with. So the girls and I did the next best thing:
Yep. This is Petey Harrigan. He is 1 and part Chihuahua. The potty training is killing me. But he has been soooo good for Megan. I'll take what I can get. The cats aren't too happy.
We did have a very nice Thanksgiving with my neighbors at my house. Finally a holiday I could get excited about. The girls and I decorated the table:
Brigid has her follow-up MRI on Tuesday to make sure things are doing well with her Chiari after her brain surgery in March. Keeping my fingers, toes, and whatever else crossed. Caroline is having lots of Chiari headaches. Lots. Keeping everything crossed that she doesn't need surgery.
Abby still struggles in school. I wish I could make it easy for her. She deserves easy. She's a great kid who gets easily stressed. And she still processes things while she sings. I love that girl. <3
So that's it in a nutshell. I think I might be feeling better. Just not the dangly tooth part.
I'm thinking a shoestring and a door might solve that problem.