My Life in a Nut Shell

3 surgeries for Endometriosis, countless medications, and lots of difficult years trying to conceive. We put the medical stuff on hold and decided to work on being parents instead. In July of 2000 we were blessed beyond all measure with a phone call announcing the birth of our daughter, Megan. Megan's birth mother had given birth the day before and was leaving the hospital. We had no warning that Megan was coming. At 4:29 in the afternoon we were a couple, at 4:30 we were parents. Deciding that we wanted a sibling for Megan, we looked into all our options. This time insurance covered IVF. One round and we were blessed with triplets, Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline. Did you know that there is a 70% chance of divorce in families of Higher Order Multiples? Almost two years after the triplets were born my ex-husband and I separated and eventually divorced. During that time both my Mother and Father passed away from cancer. In February of 2007 my sister came to live with us to help out. In December of 2008 she had to leave so now it is me on my own with the girls. In February 2010, Lisa passed away and finally found her own Peace.

Thursday, September 22, 2011


I cut my finger tonight.  Only I don't have any idea how I did that.  I was doing laundry, helping with homework, and trying on clothes for work tomorrow.  Brigid had the thermometer in her mouth and came to show me the temp she had.  Megan was home sick today with a temp and headache and Brigid was goofing around with the thermometer hoping she had a temp so she could sleep with me tonight.  Brigid was very whiny this evening with lots of tears.  I just attributed that to her field trip today where her class went canoeing.  So she comes in and asks what the numbers 99.9 mean.  Crap.  I took her temp again a second time to make sure she hadn't tried to make the thermometer go up higher.  When I reached for the thermometer that was when I realized I had cut the crap out of my finger.  I was bleeding everywhere.  I have absolutely no idea how I did it either.  Then I realized that I didn't have any bandages either.  (man I'm using the word realize a lot tonight).  I went to Cassie's again to borrow a bandage.

 I keep forgetting to buy those.

That made me think that I've been using a lot of bandages lately to fix things.  Financially, mentally, in work, friendships.  Instead of working hard to correct the issues I am having and letting things heal, I have been using a lot of bandages.  I'm starting to rip them off.  One at a time.  I'm starting with my faith.  Jeremiah, Cassie's husband, is going to lead me through a bible study for the next 8 weeks or so.  I'm excited about it.  And Jeremiah is excited about it.  Back in the summer when I was really struggling I sent in an email and a phone call to the Baptist Seminary for more info.  Amazingly in the last week I finished that life changing book, I set up a bible study, I've gotten a phone call from the seminary, and an email.  Do you think God is leading me somewhere?  I kinda feel that way.  So I'm going to quiet my negativity and let God lead me.  It feels good.

My job is changing too.  My boss and her husband have some really fantastic changes planned for our school.  Changes that have me really excited.  Changes that have me feeling like we are at the beginning of something amazing.  I get to start by leaving the scrubs behind.  I now get to dress professionally.  I never realized just how bad I was treating myself when I was hiding behind my scrubs.  I stopped wearing make-up.  I showered, dressed and left for work.  Now I'm taking the time to get myself ready with make-up, doing my hair, wearing jewelry.  It feels really good to take care of myself again.  There goes another bandage off.

I'm going to keep ripping them off.  One by one.  Until I am healed.  I've got a long way to go.  But I'm excited about the journey.

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