My Life in a Nut Shell

3 surgeries for Endometriosis, countless medications, and lots of difficult years trying to conceive. We put the medical stuff on hold and decided to work on being parents instead. In July of 2000 we were blessed beyond all measure with a phone call announcing the birth of our daughter, Megan. Megan's birth mother had given birth the day before and was leaving the hospital. We had no warning that Megan was coming. At 4:29 in the afternoon we were a couple, at 4:30 we were parents. Deciding that we wanted a sibling for Megan, we looked into all our options. This time insurance covered IVF. One round and we were blessed with triplets, Abigail, Brigid, and Caroline. Did you know that there is a 70% chance of divorce in families of Higher Order Multiples? Almost two years after the triplets were born my ex-husband and I separated and eventually divorced. During that time both my Mother and Father passed away from cancer. In February of 2007 my sister came to live with us to help out. In December of 2008 she had to leave so now it is me on my own with the girls. In February 2010, Lisa passed away and finally found her own Peace.

Monday, September 26, 2011

The Seven Dwarfs of Depression, or you dress how you feel.

  You dress how you feel, you feel how you dress.  Kinda like the chicken or the egg thing.

Sometime after I  got my job at SMCDC I stopped wearing makeup.  No one else really wore it there.  I wore nursing scrubs everyday (that's our uniform) and just didn't feel like make-up went with the job.  Really only 3 year olds were going to see me all day and they didn't care if I wore antlers and polkadots, as long as I provided fun activities to do.  Yet I started to notice that I was starting to feel like I was dressing.  Schlumpy.  Frumpy.  Dumpy. Lumpy, Bumpy. Clumpy.  And Pitiful.

You know, the seven dwarfs of depression.  I dressed the way I felt.  And I felt the way I dressed.

That's me.  Frumpy Bunny.

 Fast forward to this summer and my boss's husband deciding that we should wear make-up and dress up a bit.  At first I was furious.  Are you actually saying I look like hell?!?!  How dare you!  And then it started to sink in and I was hurt.  Are you actually saying I look like hell? 

I've been released from wearing scrubs.  I get to wear normal clothes in keeping with my position, assistant manager.  Every morning I've gotten up, put makeup on, and dressed in nice clothes.  I'm excited at night to pick out nice clothes for the morning.  My children are so excited that they have told everyone they know that Momma now gets to dress fancy.  They pointed out that now I can come to school stuff in the evening and look nice.  I'm thinking they may have been embarrassed by how I was looking. 

Here's the amazing thing.  I'm starting to feel just a bit better about myself.  I'm still fat.  But I feel better.  I feel just a bit more excited about going to work everyday.  I'm hoping it shows at work.  I'm hoping my kids are seeing the importance of looking neat and tidy.  I hope to now start dressing like I feel.  And feeling like I'm dressed.

Now to find an outfit for my 25th high school reunion.  Anyone have something I can borrow that makes me look 60 lbs lighter? 

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