Day 2 of Thanksgiving blogging. Let's see. Three tests today in school. One on a 90 degree cut that we started yesterday, one on air forming the cut (that's blow drying), and one written exam. In order I got 100, 100, 95. I'm really proud of the first 100 because that was the cut I struggled to get. It ended up really well. Now I just have to pick up the pace. Can't imagine a client coming in for a cut and it taking me a day and a half to cut it!!
I went to pick Megan up from Field today. She volunteered at Blessings in a Backpack and then I picked her up to take her to volunteer at a riding stable. She is in Beta Club (3.5 or higher. She is a smart fart) and needs volunteer hours. Thank goodness she is 12 so she could volunteer at the stable. She was grinning from ear to ear when I picked her up. I'm hoping they let her ride the horses on occasion as I just can't afford lessons. Either way it was awesome to see her smile. That was my thankful post on FB today. I'm so glad I could take her to be with her one true love, horses. In the van on the way home, she said she smelled like barn and horses. I teased her that she was going to fall asleep tonight in her same clothes just so she keep the smell in her room.
Horses are what make Megan's soul sing.
The trio all made the cheerleading squad at Field. Finally! It was a miserable day in the Harrigan household last year when NONE of them made it. So that is just one more thing to add to the taxi service that is my life. The girls are training for their first 5k in December. Brigid is only allowed to walk it because she is on an activity restriction for her Chiari. I hate Chiaris. Abigail is so-so on the running. She could take it or leave it. Singing is what makes Abigail's soul sing. So she is in the choir club. Caroline has found one of her soul songs, running. She ran the 5k in practice and then added 2 more laps. Her coach said she is good and fast.
When I picked up Megan at Field, I was coming straight from school. I'm taking school very seriously and want to make a good impression so I have been trying to dress as if I worked in a salon. That is what the school wants us to do. I've been picking up pieces of clothing at Goodwill and thrift stores. Anyway when I got to the playground I got 2 compliments. One was that I looked like I worked in a salon. Yay me!! The other was asking if I could give fashion makeovers! Yay me again! I haven't really paid attention to my looks in a long time. Now I am in a field where I have to present myself as someone who has it all together. I'm soooo enjoying that part.
So that's Friday in a nut shell.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
30 Days of Gratitude and Writing
My goal is to write everyday for the next 30 days about gratitude and my life. I feel like I've gotten away from being so vocal about gratitude. Here's my gratitude for today.
I spent all day, and I do mean all day, trying to perfect a 90 degree cut. You would think cutting hair would be easy. You line up and then you cut. That's what I thought. Show me how to cut hair in a day and I can do it. Yet I was totally wrong. Today's cut involved pulling the hair out from the head 90 degrees and cutting it to a length of 3 inches. I just couldn't get it. At all. I was getting frustrated and I think I was frustrating my teacher with all my damn complaining. I hate that I drove her nuts. I was THAT student. What a dork.
I kept working and working and working and then it clicked. The proverbial lightbulb. Boom. There it was. The cut. I did it!! And I managed to cut the shit out of my knuckle in the process.
Short and sweet. Tomorrow my goal is to blog about Halloween and the fun the girls and I had.
Stay tuned!!!
I spent all day, and I do mean all day, trying to perfect a 90 degree cut. You would think cutting hair would be easy. You line up and then you cut. That's what I thought. Show me how to cut hair in a day and I can do it. Yet I was totally wrong. Today's cut involved pulling the hair out from the head 90 degrees and cutting it to a length of 3 inches. I just couldn't get it. At all. I was getting frustrated and I think I was frustrating my teacher with all my damn complaining. I hate that I drove her nuts. I was THAT student. What a dork.
I kept working and working and working and then it clicked. The proverbial lightbulb. Boom. There it was. The cut. I did it!! And I managed to cut the shit out of my knuckle in the process.
Short and sweet. Tomorrow my goal is to blog about Halloween and the fun the girls and I had.
Stay tuned!!!
Friday, October 12, 2012
An update
Wow. How do 2 months pass so quickly? I'll tell you how. School. I'm in school full-time and I absolutely love it. It's been a loooonnnnggg time since I have felt such happiness and pure joy in something I am doing outside of my children. I didn't realize just how unhappy I was in my job until I started school. I feel like I'm home when I go there. My stress disappears. I smile more now than I have in a long time. I'm doing something for me. I'm doing something for my girls. I am working to rebuild our lives and make things better for us. With teaching, there was always a ceiling cap in how much I made. No matter how hard I worked or how many hours I worked, I was never going to make more money. The value in all that hard work was intrinsic. I saw the value in what I did when my students would learn something new. I'm not knocking that. It's an amazing thing when you realize you have changed a child's life in what you've taught them. It's just with cosmetology I have a chance to really make OUR lives better.
In a discussion with Ali tonight, we talked about how nice it would be to not just make a ton of money but that it would be nice to not worry so much about surviving things financially. I'm looking forward to finally being able to give my girls not only what they need but a lot of what they want too.
We have been super busy. Brigid, Caroline, and Megan are all in the advanced program this year. Not too shabby considering I am a single parent and do this by myself. Abigail is like the turtle in a race. Slow and steady wins the race. I finally see the lightbulb coming on with her and I am impressed with how hard she is working to learn. The trio are training for their 1st 5k in December through Girls on the Run. Abigail and Caroline are in choir club. Caroline and Brigid start band on Monday. Flutes for both of them!!!
Tuesday I am taking Caroline to the Weiskopf Center to finally be tested for Asperger's Syndrome. After years of hearing this in relation to her, it will be nice to get an answer one way or another.
Brigid is having lots of Chiari headaches again. I hate Chiaris. I mean I fucking hate them. She is on an exercise restriction again and has an MRI scheduled at the end of October and an appointment with her neurosurgeon in November. Some prayers would be nice here.
Megan was asked to join the Beta Club. You need a 3.5 or above. I am so proud of her. She is, and has always been, a smart cookie. She has just recently started to babysit and make some of her own money. Last Saturday I took her and 2 friends to the mall where they got to walk around by themselves and shop. She loved the freedom of spending her own money and getting to hang with her friends. I remember being in middle school and LOVING getting to go to the mall with my friends.
One of the perks of being in cosmetology school is getting to change my hair all the time. Her are a few of my hair colors I have had since June:
Then I shaved most of my hair and colored it brown with pink highlights.
Now my hair is dark brown with red/cranberry highlights. I freakin' love it. I finally feel like I am comfortable in my own skin with my own unique look. It's taken 44 years to get to that point.
One of the things I was most worried about was the fact that I am 44 and I'm in school with a majority of 18-20 year olds. I kept thinking there was no way I'd have anything in common with woman young enough to be my daughters. On the 2nd day of school I called Ali and told her I didn't think I could handle being around people who are still teenagers. You know what? I don't feel out of place at all. I don't know if it's the fact that we are all on an even playing field in the fact that we are learning together, or if it's the fact that I just really love learning what we are doing, but these amazing young women have accepted me and encouraged me in everything I do. I love these young ladies and respect them for how dedicated they are to learning.
Can you tell I'm feeling Blessed?? I can tell you that is one thing I haven't lost by switching careers. My Faith is as strong as ever. I love God. Plain and simple. In everything that happens in my life, the loss of my parents and sister, the loss of my marriage, my depressions, my financial issues (man that sounds awful), my Faith is continually renewed.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I love this verse from the Bible. God doesn't promise that you won't ever have bad things happen to you, he promises that he will carry you and give you Grace to survive all that happens to you.
Let me tell you. I am full of Grace.
So that's my entry back in to blogging. Oh by the way, I finally hit over 30,000 hits on my blog. Compared to some that isn't a lot. For me I feel like it's an accomplishment. My words are getting noticed. For a writer that is the greatest compliment.
Thanks for taking part in my life.
In a discussion with Ali tonight, we talked about how nice it would be to not just make a ton of money but that it would be nice to not worry so much about surviving things financially. I'm looking forward to finally being able to give my girls not only what they need but a lot of what they want too.
We have been super busy. Brigid, Caroline, and Megan are all in the advanced program this year. Not too shabby considering I am a single parent and do this by myself. Abigail is like the turtle in a race. Slow and steady wins the race. I finally see the lightbulb coming on with her and I am impressed with how hard she is working to learn. The trio are training for their 1st 5k in December through Girls on the Run. Abigail and Caroline are in choir club. Caroline and Brigid start band on Monday. Flutes for both of them!!!
Tuesday I am taking Caroline to the Weiskopf Center to finally be tested for Asperger's Syndrome. After years of hearing this in relation to her, it will be nice to get an answer one way or another.
Brigid is having lots of Chiari headaches again. I hate Chiaris. I mean I fucking hate them. She is on an exercise restriction again and has an MRI scheduled at the end of October and an appointment with her neurosurgeon in November. Some prayers would be nice here.
Megan was asked to join the Beta Club. You need a 3.5 or above. I am so proud of her. She is, and has always been, a smart cookie. She has just recently started to babysit and make some of her own money. Last Saturday I took her and 2 friends to the mall where they got to walk around by themselves and shop. She loved the freedom of spending her own money and getting to hang with her friends. I remember being in middle school and LOVING getting to go to the mall with my friends.
One of the perks of being in cosmetology school is getting to change my hair all the time. Her are a few of my hair colors I have had since June:
This was the first color. I loved having the pink hair.
I loved having pink hair so much that I went all over pink.
Now my hair is dark brown with red/cranberry highlights. I freakin' love it. I finally feel like I am comfortable in my own skin with my own unique look. It's taken 44 years to get to that point.
One of the things I was most worried about was the fact that I am 44 and I'm in school with a majority of 18-20 year olds. I kept thinking there was no way I'd have anything in common with woman young enough to be my daughters. On the 2nd day of school I called Ali and told her I didn't think I could handle being around people who are still teenagers. You know what? I don't feel out of place at all. I don't know if it's the fact that we are all on an even playing field in the fact that we are learning together, or if it's the fact that I just really love learning what we are doing, but these amazing young women have accepted me and encouraged me in everything I do. I love these young ladies and respect them for how dedicated they are to learning.
Can you tell I'm feeling Blessed?? I can tell you that is one thing I haven't lost by switching careers. My Faith is as strong as ever. I love God. Plain and simple. In everything that happens in my life, the loss of my parents and sister, the loss of my marriage, my depressions, my financial issues (man that sounds awful), my Faith is continually renewed.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I love this verse from the Bible. God doesn't promise that you won't ever have bad things happen to you, he promises that he will carry you and give you Grace to survive all that happens to you.
Let me tell you. I am full of Grace.
So that's my entry back in to blogging. Oh by the way, I finally hit over 30,000 hits on my blog. Compared to some that isn't a lot. For me I feel like it's an accomplishment. My words are getting noticed. For a writer that is the greatest compliment.
Thanks for taking part in my life.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Shop my AVON store!
Shop my AVON store!: Here's a sneak peak at some of the latest products available at Avon. Be sure to click
Bet you didn't know I'm selling Avon! Avon is more than just makeup. We have a whole line of clothing and accessories. We carry clothing and shoes for children. There are all sorts of holiday decorations too! And if you order online through my Avon page there is free shipping on all orders over $30!!!
Bet you didn't know I'm selling Avon! Avon is more than just makeup. We have a whole line of clothing and accessories. We carry clothing and shoes for children. There are all sorts of holiday decorations too! And if you order online through my Avon page there is free shipping on all orders over $30!!!
Sunday, August 5, 2012
35 Hours or I'm REALLY Pissed
No that isn't the name of a new show on Fox. This is the amount of time my ex spent with our daughters this weekend. He brought them back early. Again. I made two promises to myself when I started this blog. One was to never blog when I'm mad. I'll regret what I type later. The second is to not bad mouth the girls' Dad. Though in this case I'm breaking both promises.
I can't take much more. I just plain don't have the money to take him back to court but I'm going to try and figure out how. He hasn't visited with Megan since June. And he brought them back a day early with the pitiful comment, "I thought that was what we were doing." No dude, that is what YOU are doing. I love the fact that he just chooses not to follow the divorce settlement. He cannot handle being a parent. Period. No matter what he tries to claim, he is just not a parent. He doesn't take an interest in anything involving the girls except when he decides to complain about something I do with the girls.
I'm sorry but tonight I'm angry. Really angry. This has nothing to do with me having to spend more time with the girls. I love every minute with the girls. (Unless I'm in the doctor's office or the grocery store with them.) It's the utter lack of respect for our children and for me. He does what he wants when he wants to. I wonder what would happen if I showed up on a Friday evening and told him I had a date and then just left the girls. He would freak. Yet he does this to the girls and I each and every time he has visitation with him.
And dude? This isn't parenting time. This is visitation. You haven't parented these girls in over 7 years. That's been my job. So go home and get your laundry done, or grocery shop, or hang with your girlfriend. I'll treasure our girls and the time I parent them. Because when it comes down to it you haven't ever been a parent to these beautiful young ladies. They will get older and you will be sad and feel sorry for yourself for the time you choose not to be their parent.
I can't take much more. I just plain don't have the money to take him back to court but I'm going to try and figure out how. He hasn't visited with Megan since June. And he brought them back a day early with the pitiful comment, "I thought that was what we were doing." No dude, that is what YOU are doing. I love the fact that he just chooses not to follow the divorce settlement. He cannot handle being a parent. Period. No matter what he tries to claim, he is just not a parent. He doesn't take an interest in anything involving the girls except when he decides to complain about something I do with the girls.
I'm sorry but tonight I'm angry. Really angry. This has nothing to do with me having to spend more time with the girls. I love every minute with the girls. (Unless I'm in the doctor's office or the grocery store with them.) It's the utter lack of respect for our children and for me. He does what he wants when he wants to. I wonder what would happen if I showed up on a Friday evening and told him I had a date and then just left the girls. He would freak. Yet he does this to the girls and I each and every time he has visitation with him.
And dude? This isn't parenting time. This is visitation. You haven't parented these girls in over 7 years. That's been my job. So go home and get your laundry done, or grocery shop, or hang with your girlfriend. I'll treasure our girls and the time I parent them. Because when it comes down to it you haven't ever been a parent to these beautiful young ladies. They will get older and you will be sad and feel sorry for yourself for the time you choose not to be their parent.
Shake It Out
I'm not one of those people who have a soundtrack to my life. I know there are people who find meaning in songs. Usually I just like how the song sounds. This song really hit me last night. I have a friend who tagged me with this song awhile back. Good call! Check out the video by Florence + The Machine. Love this!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbN0nX61rIs
"And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbN0nX61rIs
"And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn"
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Halt! Who goes there???
Today has been my day to organize. The girls went with their Dad this morning for the weekend. I have mixed feelings about it. I'm thankful to be able to have some quiet time where I get to do what I want and don't have to take care of anyone. This is the first time Megan has gone with her Dad since June. I was surprised she went today and I'm praying that it goes the way Megan is hoping.
Shortly after the girls left I started organizing a few more areas that I haven't gotten to this summer: the pantry, laundry room, and kitchen. I now have sparkly cabinets! I hauled 3 bags to the dumpster and have one HUGE bag to go to Goodwill. The worst part was the Tupperware. My friend Catherine fussed at me for using the word. Really it was storage containers. My bad.
What a mess. It took up 3 cabinets in my micro-kitchen. Now it's in just one. After I got started I just couldn't seem to stop. It was one drawer after another. Laundry got washed. The bathrooms got reorganized. It's like I'm possessed. I even vacuumed the back of my dryer in an homage to my friend Cassie. I vacuumed the couches. I now have the secretary in the hall, my main closet in my bedroom, the top of the trio's closet, the bottom drawer of my file cabinet,and the hallway upstairs to organize and then I am done. Finished. Just in time for school to start for all of us.
My house has mirrored the way my brain has been for the last year. Cluttered and unorganized. (Refer back to thetupperware storage container pic) It's like I packed in stuff in my house and my brain so as not to deal with anything. When I tackle one project it necessitates the tackling of another project. I'm getting to the corners of everything. I had to deal with my sister's paperwork. Of course that brought up memories that I didn't want to have to relive. But I did. And I survived. I went through all sorts of paperwork from my foreclosure and before my bankruptcy. Man it was hard to look at that and see what a failure I've been in so many things. Now I've cleared out the paperwork the way I've cleared out my thinking.
One thing I've noticed about myself here lately, as I was organizing, is that for all the information I put out here that I share with everyone, I'm really a very guarded person with my personal life. I had a nice cup of tea with a friend who talked about her dating life. I was envious in that she has such a glamorous life and goes on lots of dates. I can't picture myself sharing anything with another person. I've done a great job in putting a wall up when it comes to dating. If I keep that wall closely guarded then I won't get hurt.
And I won't need help from anyone.
I'm not talking financial help (because it would be nice to have someone else handle the damn bills). I'm talking any kind of help in what I do day to day. I've noticed that I've done a lot to help my friends this summer. I've been all over this town cleaning houses, doing yard work, running errands for others. Yet I don't ask for anyone to do that here. I don't want to become dependent of any kind of help. Even when Brigid had her Chiari surgery I had a hard time accepting the help.
In my head, I've got this. I can handle it.
My neighbor next door is a nice enough guy. He is constantly trying to help me carry things to the dumpster or to my front door. I don't want the help. He has some social issues that I don't want to deal with or have my daughters around. Yet when he was asking me out, all I could think was "Shit. I don't want anyone doing anything for me." Because let's face it. If I get too close to someone, really close, they will either disappoint me or die.
Kinda morbid isn't it??
That's what happens when you loose your parents and sister. I don't EVER want to go back to the point that I am dependent on someone else. EVER. That may explain why it's been over 4 years since I've even attempted to get close to someone. It ain't easy guarding the damn wall but at least I know it's up, it's there, and it's not getting penetrated easily.
So where does this leave me? I'm not sure. I'm working hard to put the girls and I in a position where the financial things won't be an issue. I'm excited because I know that after I'm done with school, I can do whatever I want, work as hard as I can, and build a better life for us. I have a goal for the financial part of my life. It's also a goal for the creative part of my life. I know what I want to do with the Mom part of my life.
I just don't have any idea what to do with the Kristina part of my life.
Shortly after the girls left I started organizing a few more areas that I haven't gotten to this summer: the pantry, laundry room, and kitchen. I now have sparkly cabinets! I hauled 3 bags to the dumpster and have one HUGE bag to go to Goodwill. The worst part was the Tupperware. My friend Catherine fussed at me for using the word. Really it was storage containers. My bad.
What a mess. It took up 3 cabinets in my micro-kitchen. Now it's in just one. After I got started I just couldn't seem to stop. It was one drawer after another. Laundry got washed. The bathrooms got reorganized. It's like I'm possessed. I even vacuumed the back of my dryer in an homage to my friend Cassie. I vacuumed the couches. I now have the secretary in the hall, my main closet in my bedroom, the top of the trio's closet, the bottom drawer of my file cabinet,and the hallway upstairs to organize and then I am done. Finished. Just in time for school to start for all of us.
My house has mirrored the way my brain has been for the last year. Cluttered and unorganized. (Refer back to the
One thing I've noticed about myself here lately, as I was organizing, is that for all the information I put out here that I share with everyone, I'm really a very guarded person with my personal life. I had a nice cup of tea with a friend who talked about her dating life. I was envious in that she has such a glamorous life and goes on lots of dates. I can't picture myself sharing anything with another person. I've done a great job in putting a wall up when it comes to dating. If I keep that wall closely guarded then I won't get hurt.
And I won't need help from anyone.
I'm not talking financial help (because it would be nice to have someone else handle the damn bills). I'm talking any kind of help in what I do day to day. I've noticed that I've done a lot to help my friends this summer. I've been all over this town cleaning houses, doing yard work, running errands for others. Yet I don't ask for anyone to do that here. I don't want to become dependent of any kind of help. Even when Brigid had her Chiari surgery I had a hard time accepting the help.
In my head, I've got this. I can handle it.
My neighbor next door is a nice enough guy. He is constantly trying to help me carry things to the dumpster or to my front door. I don't want the help. He has some social issues that I don't want to deal with or have my daughters around. Yet when he was asking me out, all I could think was "Shit. I don't want anyone doing anything for me." Because let's face it. If I get too close to someone, really close, they will either disappoint me or die.
Kinda morbid isn't it??
That's what happens when you loose your parents and sister. I don't EVER want to go back to the point that I am dependent on someone else. EVER. That may explain why it's been over 4 years since I've even attempted to get close to someone. It ain't easy guarding the damn wall but at least I know it's up, it's there, and it's not getting penetrated easily.
So where does this leave me? I'm not sure. I'm working hard to put the girls and I in a position where the financial things won't be an issue. I'm excited because I know that after I'm done with school, I can do whatever I want, work as hard as I can, and build a better life for us. I have a goal for the financial part of my life. It's also a goal for the creative part of my life. I know what I want to do with the Mom part of my life.
I just don't have any idea what to do with the Kristina part of my life.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Just Put One Foot in Front of the Other...
Man we've been busy. I'm trying to get all sorts of things done before we start school in August. So far we've been to the eye doctor. Abigail got new glasses!! She is adorable in them. Then we went to the dentist. 3 kids = no cavities. Abigail and Megan have NEVER had cavities. Brigid had a very small one a couple of years ago. Caroline is on her second cavity. Not bad for a single Mom of 4. We, well I, have been trying to get this house good and organized. It's going pretty well with only a few items left to organize. We've been swimming, visiting friends, enjoying life.
The trio went with their Dad for another vacation week. Megan refused to go. She wanted to stay with me for a week and not visit with her Dad. She has been refusing to go with him for most of the summer. The upside to that is that she and I are having a lot of good, quality bonding time together. The downside is that I don't get any time to myself. At all. Ever. Brigid came back to us earlier than expected. She got sick and the ex, rather than call me, didn't know what to do she he took her to the ER. Ugh. Long story short she just had a virus but she refused to go back home with him so I brought Brigid back with me. This 2 kid thing has been a piece of cake. Of course the ex didn't last the entire week with the other two either. They were brought back early. I'm pretty sure he could NOT manage the day to day life with these girls ever. Some days it is a daunting task just to survive. Trying to balance work, homework, baths, dinner, errand running bath time, friends, bills, etc. can be a logistical nightmare. Yet I wouldn't trade it for everything.
Which leads me to today's topic. I'm hoping that a friend reads this and takes the advice to heart. I'm not sitting in judgement here. I'm trying to offer advice from someone who has been there. This friend has just been through a rather nasty divorce. (Hmmm sounds familiar) She is struggling. She has gotten lots of good sound advice from all of our mutual friends. It's not being followed. We all see the struggles. We all hurt for her. We are hoping that someone out there gets through to her so that she can get the help she needs. If I hadn't gotten the help I needed to treat my depression I know I wouldn't be here today. One of my favorite phrases that is hanging up in my kitchen and was given to me from my Dr. is this: "When I see how far you have come to get to where you are, I know you are a walking miracle." It's taken a lot of work to get here. The work I'm talking about has to come from inside. You have to realize you have a problem then reach out to anyone, everyone, to get help. You will never get better sitting in a puddle of denial about everything. I'VE BEEN THERE. All of our friends are sitting on the outside watching this beautiful soul disappear. And we have fear that her children are getting lost because of it all. Her actions are becoming more erratic. It's hard to watch. I've offered help. I still offer help. My offer does come unconditionally. It really does. Well mostly it does. You have to want the help. You have to use the help to get better. Not to watch your kiddos so you can sleep more and hide from the world. Your children, and you, will be better off if you get help NOW. It's hard to take the first step. I tried really hard for 2 years to not get help even when everyone around me was telling me too. I am so glad I finally took that first step.
So when you are ready, please call me. You know my number. You know where I live. I am here for you.
The trio went with their Dad for another vacation week. Megan refused to go. She wanted to stay with me for a week and not visit with her Dad. She has been refusing to go with him for most of the summer. The upside to that is that she and I are having a lot of good, quality bonding time together. The downside is that I don't get any time to myself. At all. Ever. Brigid came back to us earlier than expected. She got sick and the ex, rather than call me, didn't know what to do she he took her to the ER. Ugh. Long story short she just had a virus but she refused to go back home with him so I brought Brigid back with me. This 2 kid thing has been a piece of cake. Of course the ex didn't last the entire week with the other two either. They were brought back early. I'm pretty sure he could NOT manage the day to day life with these girls ever. Some days it is a daunting task just to survive. Trying to balance work, homework, baths, dinner, errand running bath time, friends, bills, etc. can be a logistical nightmare. Yet I wouldn't trade it for everything.
Which leads me to today's topic. I'm hoping that a friend reads this and takes the advice to heart. I'm not sitting in judgement here. I'm trying to offer advice from someone who has been there. This friend has just been through a rather nasty divorce. (Hmmm sounds familiar) She is struggling. She has gotten lots of good sound advice from all of our mutual friends. It's not being followed. We all see the struggles. We all hurt for her. We are hoping that someone out there gets through to her so that she can get the help she needs. If I hadn't gotten the help I needed to treat my depression I know I wouldn't be here today. One of my favorite phrases that is hanging up in my kitchen and was given to me from my Dr. is this: "When I see how far you have come to get to where you are, I know you are a walking miracle." It's taken a lot of work to get here. The work I'm talking about has to come from inside. You have to realize you have a problem then reach out to anyone, everyone, to get help. You will never get better sitting in a puddle of denial about everything. I'VE BEEN THERE. All of our friends are sitting on the outside watching this beautiful soul disappear. And we have fear that her children are getting lost because of it all. Her actions are becoming more erratic. It's hard to watch. I've offered help. I still offer help. My offer does come unconditionally. It really does. Well mostly it does. You have to want the help. You have to use the help to get better. Not to watch your kiddos so you can sleep more and hide from the world. Your children, and you, will be better off if you get help NOW. It's hard to take the first step. I tried really hard for 2 years to not get help even when everyone around me was telling me too. I am so glad I finally took that first step.
So when you are ready, please call me. You know my number. You know where I live. I am here for you.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Bike Riding and stuff
So I've taken up a new hobby. Bike riding. I haven't ridden a bike since I was 18. Yesterday my fat ass got up on a bike and I actually rode with the girls to the library and back. That's about a mile one way. That's huge for all of us. There were definitely tears involved from Abigail and Caroline about it being too far. Megan griped at everyone there and back. Brigid was the only one who pretty much remained calm during the ride. Well and me of course. What a frickin' spectacle we made of ourselves. We already attract a lot of attention. Four daughters, 3 of whom are triplets, riding bikes down the street. My big fat butt on a bike. Then add the crying and screaming and people were actually slowing down to stare at us. Wee. Ali said she pictured us in a scene from The Sound of Music. All cheerful and everything.
My goal is to try and work up to riding my bike back and forth to school. That depends on whether I can get the trio ready in time to catch the bus in the morning. If I can I should be able to make it to school by 9 a.m.
After dinner the girls and I got back on our bikes and rode to a park nearby. I ended up meeting a 76 year old woman named Delores (cue the Jerry Seinfeld reference) who was there with her granddaughter. She was 10. My girls played and I chatted. I found out Delores had just had her second knee replacement surgery, has two children, 3 grandchildren, and 1 great-grandchild. I enjoyed chatting with her. Mainly because I just miss my Mom. My Mom would be turning 75 next month. Really I just wanted Delores to hug me. I know, I know. I don't like hugs but I would have liked a hug from someone who reminded me of my Mom. I probably would have cried if she did hug me. So instead we rode our bikes home.
Today was minor house repair day today. I washed walls and spackled holes. The girls helpedflood wash the hallway. We went to yoga and I ran errands. I should have tried out yoga today but the idea of having an hour of quiet time was actually more appealing. I ended up at Walgreen's where I bought posters and poster markers. We are picking up my friends tomorrow from the airport and I get to meet their two new children from Russia! The girls wanted to do posters and balloons. I hope I don't cry too badly. Ali is coming with tomorrow to help with transportation. She is worried I will scare the kids. Just imagine being 2 and 3, landing in a foreign country where nobody speaks your language, walking down the airport corridor to be met by a large, crying woman with pink and white hair. Oh boy.
Along with the transportation tomorrow I am also going to their house to tidy up before they get home. I also volunteered to help a friend with yard work on Friday because her husband is having surgery this week. I'm actually enjoying helping friends out. I didn't realize how much I was neglecting while working that job I had. I didn't realize how much stress I was under until I've gotten two months out from that place. I feel badly that my children got neglected. I feel badly that my friends got neglected. While I'm not having Sound of Music days I am definitely having long stretches of stress-free time.
We also stopped this evening to take one fabulous picture. Brigid in front of St. Brigid's Catholic Church. Nothing like sharing a name with a saint. Brigid is MY hero.
Now off to bed. Busy day tomorrow!!
My goal is to try and work up to riding my bike back and forth to school. That depends on whether I can get the trio ready in time to catch the bus in the morning. If I can I should be able to make it to school by 9 a.m.
After dinner the girls and I got back on our bikes and rode to a park nearby. I ended up meeting a 76 year old woman named Delores (cue the Jerry Seinfeld reference) who was there with her granddaughter. She was 10. My girls played and I chatted. I found out Delores had just had her second knee replacement surgery, has two children, 3 grandchildren, and 1 great-grandchild. I enjoyed chatting with her. Mainly because I just miss my Mom. My Mom would be turning 75 next month. Really I just wanted Delores to hug me. I know, I know. I don't like hugs but I would have liked a hug from someone who reminded me of my Mom. I probably would have cried if she did hug me. So instead we rode our bikes home.
Today was minor house repair day today. I washed walls and spackled holes. The girls helped
Along with the transportation tomorrow I am also going to their house to tidy up before they get home. I also volunteered to help a friend with yard work on Friday because her husband is having surgery this week. I'm actually enjoying helping friends out. I didn't realize how much I was neglecting while working that job I had. I didn't realize how much stress I was under until I've gotten two months out from that place. I feel badly that my children got neglected. I feel badly that my friends got neglected. While I'm not having Sound of Music days I am definitely having long stretches of stress-free time.
Now off to bed. Busy day tomorrow!!
Monday, July 9, 2012
I pick that one. No, wait that one. No! Wait this one.
I've been writing this blog post in my head for a couple of days now. It seems that every Mom of multiples is weighing in on this one particular topic. Let me start by sharing one of my favorite picks of my trio:
Abigail, Caroline, and Brigid at the First Communion practice. 3 very different girls. 3 very different personalities. I can't imagine my life without them.
Let add that I am pro-choice. You can try and persuade me in any way you like including reminding me that I am a Christian. Still not going to change my mind but that's not quite what this post is about.
My infertility journey is a long one. Just read my biography at the beginning of this blog. Not one of my children came easily to this family. I realize that most people will try and tell me that I should be anti-choice because Megan was adopted. Megan's birthMother had a choice in deciding to carry Megan to term and to place her for adoption. And to her I will forever be eternally grateful.
That's me holding Megan for the very first time. That rather pained look is me starting to burst into tears.
Every parent of multiples, I'm talking 3 or more babies, is given the selective reduction speech. The doctor tries to scare you into reducing 1-2 babies to supposedly take you out of the high risk category. You are given many grim talks about all the dangers you and your babies will face if you choose to continue on with a multiples pregnancy. Our lovely doctor, a reproductive endocrinologist, gave us this speech each and every time we sat down in his office. He even went so far as to try and schedule a trip to Memphis to have this done around the 13th week of pregnancy. Apparently they don't have specialists here in little ol' Louisville who can do selective reduction. No matter how many times we tried to tell the doctor that we didn't want any part of selective reduction, he just kept on bringing it up. We tried for years through many difficult surgeries and procedures to get pregnant. There was no way in hell, no matter how severe the consequences, were we going to choose to get rid of any baby. I didn't spend all that time, anguish, and money trying to get pregnant to all of a sudden become unpregnant.
On our last visit with the RE, before we switched over to the maternal/fetal OB, we were again given "the talk". My ex in one of his more brilliant moments began talking with the doctor about the doctor's children. He had two daughters of whom he was quite proud. One was in college. One was at Manual. He beamed when he spoke of their accomplishments. When he was finished beaming, my ex asked him one very simple question. "Tell me Dr. N. Which one of your daughter's would you have chosen to reduce?" Dr. N sputtered and was at a loss for words. Selective reduction was never brought up again.
Which brings me to tonight's topic. Yes I know. I'm wordy. There is a blogger out there who is writing about her journey through infertility. Here's the link to her blog so you can read for yourself. http://babymakingmerrygoround.blogspot.com/2012/06/multifetal-reduction.html
She did IVF, put in two embryos, and ended up with four babies, a singleton and ID triplets. Very early on she lost on of the babies so she is pregnant with a singleton and ID twins. She had decided to go for selective reduction and is going to reduce to a singleton. Again her decision. Remember I am pro-choice so I am not completely bothered by her choice. I couldn't do it. She has spent years trying to conceive and has been blogging about her journey. She is active on many infertility websites as well. What bothers me so very much about this blogger is her almost cavalier attitude about what she is about to do. She talks of this choice with as much emotion as you would trying to pick out what to have for dinner. She isn't worried about the risks for herself or her babies as much as she is making a life style choice. She doesn't want triplets to interfere with her lot in life. I don't get it.
"Why would you spend all these years trying to get pregnant, to then work so hard to get unpregnant?"
She has been blogging on another site about her triplet pregnancy. She takes belly pics and talks about maternity clothes and cravings. "Um excuse me? You are about to abort two of your babies. You don't get to talk about your triplet pregnancy!!" It bothers me that she is portraying herself as a hero to others who are making the selective reduction choice. "Lady, you are not a hero. You are a selfish person who coldly writes about your choice. Please don't carry on about your positive mindset when you are far from being positive!" She writes that SR was not exactly a hard choice for them.
I'm pretty sure I would be more supportive if she wrote about the anguish and heartache involved in the decision. If there were some genetic problem. If she was so high risk that it put her or her babies' lives at risk . There would be an outpouring of love and concern. Of understanding. Then she would be a hero to those faced with a very difficult decision. But to say this wasn't a hard choice just makes her appear as cold hearted. She doesn't understand why people are so aggravated with her. It's not the choice itself as much as the attitude that has people so pissed off.
I have had a lot of negative effects from having triplets. I lost my marriage, my big, fancy house. My sanity. It has been a hard battle. I'm in a small apartment with bills I can barely pay and am starting over with a new career. Yet I am so damn Blessed to have triplets! I love my children. All of them. I love every single struggle and heartache. They are a treasure. A Blessing from God. They make me laugh every single day. My heart is going to burst with all the love I have for my girls.
So which one (or two) should I have chosen to get rid of?
Friday, July 6, 2012
I could get use to this
It's been a busy week at Chez Harrigan. The girls were with their Dad last week. It was nice to get a break from noise. There were so many days when I never even turned the TV on. I kept myself busy helping friends, visiting friends, and just enjoying my down time. The girls came home on Saturday. We've been moving ever since.
We spent a lot of the week swimming. Our apartment pools are finally opening from 10- 9 p.m. They had been open only 3-7 everyday. Today alone we went twice and it was wonderful.
With me starting school in August, the girls were excited to go and see where I will be going to school. We went on Monday and all got makeovers. With free services and receiving student discounts on everything, it cost me almost nothing. Caroline only wanted french braids so that is what she got.
Megan wanted to look like Kristen Stewart so we did a semi-permanent color to try it out. That way if she didn't like it, it would just wash out over time.
We spent a lot of the week swimming. Our apartment pools are finally opening from 10- 9 p.m. They had been open only 3-7 everyday. Today alone we went twice and it was wonderful.
With me starting school in August, the girls were excited to go and see where I will be going to school. We went on Monday and all got makeovers. With free services and receiving student discounts on everything, it cost me almost nothing. Caroline only wanted french braids so that is what she got.
Megan wanted to look like Kristen Stewart so we did a semi-permanent color to try it out. That way if she didn't like it, it would just wash out over time.
Abigail simply wanted a cut to make her hair a bit shorter for summer.
Brigid wanted a complete cut. It suits her so beautifully!!!
(Yes that is a leprechaun foot on the bathroom door. He came to visit for St. Patrick's Day and apparently he leaves footprints that don't come off.)
I wanted something so very different. I had this hair color in my mind for a couple of months and thought if I was able to go to cosmetology school then I would get it. If I stayed in teaching then I would not.
It is so incredibly freeing finally allowing my appearance finally match my inner personality. Those are pink highlights.
Tuesday we hung out at home. My allergies are killing me. This is the worst they have ever been. One of the things I'm allergic too is bluegrass. I live in the frickin' bluegrass state.
Wednesday was the 4th of July. We went to Locust Grove which is the oldest home in Louisville. I've been wanting to take the girls for forever and took advantage of the fact that the tour was free. My girls actually really enjoyed it.
Thursday was an epically busy day. The girls were going to get manicures at Empire on Tuesday but we ran out of time. So I took them back on Thursday. It was so unbelievably adorable to see all 4 girls sitting at tables getting their nails done. My girls chatted with the students doing their nails. It was definitely an image of my future with 4 teenagers!!
After nails we went to Old Navy because I have to wear solid black pants and either a solid black or solid white shirt to school everyday. I'm a pattern kind of girl so I don't have a lot of solid anything. I found two pairs of pants for $7 each and two white shirts both of which were $2.50. As I was looking at the clearance racks my girls started to look at their sizes as well. I love that they don't even look at the regular racks. They head straight to the sales! They started finding jeans and shirts for $1.47. I rarely, if ever, let the girls try anything on. I just bring the clothes home to the girls. It was so spontaneous as they each asked to try on a shirt in the dressing room. The store was not busy so I said ok. An HOUR later my girls had tried on just about everything on the clearance racks. They had so much fun! I enjoyed just sitting on a bench watching the girls smile through every outfit. I ended up buying each girl a pair pants, 2 shirts, and a pair of shorts. At a $1.47-2.00, I couldn't pass it up!!
We headed to Kroger and shopped for dinner. We came home, they ate, and then headed to yoga. Yes you read that right. Yoga. I saw an ad for Yoga East that said they had classes for kids and scholarships were available. I called and found out that my girls qualified. I told them and they got so excited!! (except for Brigid who was very apprehensive) I dropped the girls off for over an hour. When I returned they all asked if they could do it again! It turns out that they also offer a beginner's yoga class at the same time for adults. It's been 20 years since I've done yoga. I miss it. So I think I'm going to drag this fat ass to class too. I figure I can justify the expense (it's so damn cheap!) because it's for my health. I'm really good at starting things and then not finishing them. Yet the girls LOVED the class and can't wait to go back again.
After yoga, as we were diving home, I passed by a sprayground that is relatively new. So an impromptu stop to cool off thrilled the girls to no end.
Today we hung out at home and swam twice. Tomorrow I plan to nap. A lot. Phew.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Change is Good ('cause it happens a lot)
I apparently don't do well with the status quo. I like change. I like adapting to change. So I've come up with something new. I'm going back to school. Just not the school you might expect. I had always dreamed of continuing on in school to get my doctorate. I liked the sound of Dr. Harrigan. After getting laid off from my job I've had the time to really think and pray about what it is I want to do. So here it is.
I'm going to be a cosmetologist.
WTF right? I have always had an interest in cosmetology. Always. Not sure why. It's funny how quickly this all came together in a perfect fit. I got laid off. I called for a tour at Empire. I liked what I saw. I found out I can collect unemployment while going to school. I filled out my financial aid paperwork. I went in yesterday for a follow-up appointment at Empire and got everything completed. I start August 20. It's an intensive year of school from 9-4:30 Mon. thru Fri. The hours are perfect. They are flexible with my schedule if something comes up with the girls. I have prayed and prayed. This came together just so perfectly. I feel certain in my heart that this is what I am meant to do at this point in my life. The possibilities are just endless for all the things I can do once I graduate. I am just so excited. I keep pinching myself because I just can't believe this is going to happen. I'm excited about my future. I'm excited about my future for my girls.
Last night I went to a Moms of Multiples get together at Tumbleweed on the River. My friend Joan treated me to dinner and bought me the most amazing bath fizzies. (I'm not sure exactly what to call them. I was going to call them bath salts but with all the talk of a zombie apocalypse because of a drug called bath salts I didn't want anyone to think I was doing anything else but taking a bath.) It was so much fun to see all these triplet and quint Moms enjoying each others' company!
I also dyed my hair almost white with pink highlights. One of the perks of going to cosmetology school is that I got to get this done for free! Woohoo!!! I love changing my hair color but always do it at home with whatever color is on sale. It was so nice to have someone else do it! The best part of getting my hair done yesterday? My former preschool AND first grade student, Shelby, is now a student at Empire! Shelby is one of those students who just stayed in my mind for all these years. She was the first former student I looked up on FB!
Today has been a busy day at home. I've cleaned all the carpet in every room in my apartment. I cleaned Caroline's mattress and have washed everyone's bedding. It smells so good in here! I wanted to make sure that things are in great shape when the girls get home on Saturday. They've been gone a week and I actually miss them!!
Earlier this week I helped out at my friends' house getting things organized for the coming home of their new son and daughter from Russia! Their new bedrooms are so adorable as is the playroom! I feel so honored that EM and K allowed me to come into their house and help get things ready. I also took their daughter (the elusive 5th Harrigan) to the zoo on Tuesday so her Mom could run errands. We spent the whole day there with Ali and her boys (thanks for getting us in for free!) then came back to my apartment pool to swim for an hour. By the time I took her home she had fallen asleep in my car! I love 4 year olds!!
Well that's my week in a nutshell. Can't wait till my girls get back! I miss them!!
I'm going to be a cosmetologist.
WTF right? I have always had an interest in cosmetology. Always. Not sure why. It's funny how quickly this all came together in a perfect fit. I got laid off. I called for a tour at Empire. I liked what I saw. I found out I can collect unemployment while going to school. I filled out my financial aid paperwork. I went in yesterday for a follow-up appointment at Empire and got everything completed. I start August 20. It's an intensive year of school from 9-4:30 Mon. thru Fri. The hours are perfect. They are flexible with my schedule if something comes up with the girls. I have prayed and prayed. This came together just so perfectly. I feel certain in my heart that this is what I am meant to do at this point in my life. The possibilities are just endless for all the things I can do once I graduate. I am just so excited. I keep pinching myself because I just can't believe this is going to happen. I'm excited about my future. I'm excited about my future for my girls.
Last night I went to a Moms of Multiples get together at Tumbleweed on the River. My friend Joan treated me to dinner and bought me the most amazing bath fizzies. (I'm not sure exactly what to call them. I was going to call them bath salts but with all the talk of a zombie apocalypse because of a drug called bath salts I didn't want anyone to think I was doing anything else but taking a bath.) It was so much fun to see all these triplet and quint Moms enjoying each others' company!
I also dyed my hair almost white with pink highlights. One of the perks of going to cosmetology school is that I got to get this done for free! Woohoo!!! I love changing my hair color but always do it at home with whatever color is on sale. It was so nice to have someone else do it! The best part of getting my hair done yesterday? My former preschool AND first grade student, Shelby, is now a student at Empire! Shelby is one of those students who just stayed in my mind for all these years. She was the first former student I looked up on FB!
Today has been a busy day at home. I've cleaned all the carpet in every room in my apartment. I cleaned Caroline's mattress and have washed everyone's bedding. It smells so good in here! I wanted to make sure that things are in great shape when the girls get home on Saturday. They've been gone a week and I actually miss them!!
Earlier this week I helped out at my friends' house getting things organized for the coming home of their new son and daughter from Russia! Their new bedrooms are so adorable as is the playroom! I feel so honored that EM and K allowed me to come into their house and help get things ready. I also took their daughter (the elusive 5th Harrigan) to the zoo on Tuesday so her Mom could run errands. We spent the whole day there with Ali and her boys (thanks for getting us in for free!) then came back to my apartment pool to swim for an hour. By the time I took her home she had fallen asleep in my car! I love 4 year olds!!
Well that's my week in a nutshell. Can't wait till my girls get back! I miss them!!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Happy birthday or I'm feeling sorry for myself.
What's new right? I tend to feel sorry for myself a lot. Today is my birthday. I'm 44. I don't mind birthdays. When my parents were alive I LOVED my birthdays. They had such a way of making me feel so special on my birthday. Gifts were thought out, dinner was planned, guests invited. Birthdays were a big deal. Fast forward to now when they aren't here and my birthday just becomes another day. My girls were happy to wish me a happy birthday today. And Caroline felt so badly that she couldn't give me a gift. I realize that it hurts my girls when I don't get anything.
We did go to Liz and John's wedding today. What a way to spend my birthday!
My girls were so excited to go to a real wedding! That's what happens when you have a Mom obsessed with Four Weddings, Say Yes to the Dress, and My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.
I had to pull up 4 different updos on youtube to do my girls' hair. Megan wanted her hair and make-up to be like Bella Swan's from Breaking Dawn Part 1. Did you know there are tutorials on youtube for that? I'm quite proud of how it turned out!
Each girl wanted something different. Brigid even had a fancy hair doodad.
They were so thrilled to be dressed up. Abby loves this dress. (FYI it's a consignment find. In fact every dress my girls have on, mine included, is a consignment find) And she has on the shoes Megan wore to her First Communion.
While driving to the church, Caroline said, "You know what Momma? Today we look RICH." She even caught the bouquet! Adorable!
The wedding was so beautiful and simple complete with a cake reception in the church basement. Liz is the daughter of Brigid's Godparents. Brigid considers her a "Godsister".
We came home and just vegetated in front of the television watching Mall Cop, then a documentary on the Titanic, then Pawn Stars. Pretty random right? I told the girls this was how I wanted to spend my birthday with them.
At almost 6 (almost an hour late) the ex showed up to pick up the girls for his week's vacation. He is mad at me right now for the therapy visit on Wed. So instead of a "happy birthday" or the understanding that I will be without my girls for a week, he couldn't get the girls in the car fast enough to drive away. Now I don't expect my ex to gush that it is my birthday but I remind you that I have the girls get a gift for him at every stinking holiday. Father's Day the girls picked out a Bible for him. He gets something for Valentine's Day, his birthday, St. Patrick's Day, and Christmas. I don't get him the gifts to make myself feel better. I know what it means to THE GIRLS that THEY give him a gift. They can hardly wait until he gets to the door so they can spring the gifts on him. That makes MY heart feel good. Yet each and every holiday I receive nothing. So this evening I watched the loves of my life drive down the street on my birthday feeling pretty damn empty. My life was driving away on the day that is supposed to celebrate my life.
So I picked up dinner for myself and went to the Family Dollar store. I had to pick up some bathroom cleaner. Yay me. I had no reason to rush home so I just walked up and down each aisle taking my time. Kinda nice to do that. Then I saw that they now carry wall quote decals. I love quotes. I have them all over my kitchen, dining room, and living room. Quotes constantly remind me of what I need to treasure in my family; in God. And lo and behold there was a Godwink sitting there. A decal with my favorite Bible verse:
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" ~Philippians 4:13
Just a little reminder that, although I am sitting by myself on my birthday, I can do anything through Christ.
So tonight I am savoring the quiet time to be introspective. I'll work hard to not dwell on the fact that my children are gone for the week. I'll use this time to finish up the organizational kick I'm on. I'll help my friends get their house ready before they leave for Russia to bring home their new son and daughter. I'll relax. I'll meditate and pray. I'll enjoy the quiet. I'll try at least.
We did go to Liz and John's wedding today. What a way to spend my birthday!
My girls were so excited to go to a real wedding! That's what happens when you have a Mom obsessed with Four Weddings, Say Yes to the Dress, and My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.
I had to pull up 4 different updos on youtube to do my girls' hair. Megan wanted her hair and make-up to be like Bella Swan's from Breaking Dawn Part 1. Did you know there are tutorials on youtube for that? I'm quite proud of how it turned out!
Each girl wanted something different. Brigid even had a fancy hair doodad.
They were so thrilled to be dressed up. Abby loves this dress. (FYI it's a consignment find. In fact every dress my girls have on, mine included, is a consignment find) And she has on the shoes Megan wore to her First Communion.
While driving to the church, Caroline said, "You know what Momma? Today we look RICH." She even caught the bouquet! Adorable!
The wedding was so beautiful and simple complete with a cake reception in the church basement. Liz is the daughter of Brigid's Godparents. Brigid considers her a "Godsister".
We came home and just vegetated in front of the television watching Mall Cop, then a documentary on the Titanic, then Pawn Stars. Pretty random right? I told the girls this was how I wanted to spend my birthday with them.
At almost 6 (almost an hour late) the ex showed up to pick up the girls for his week's vacation. He is mad at me right now for the therapy visit on Wed. So instead of a "happy birthday" or the understanding that I will be without my girls for a week, he couldn't get the girls in the car fast enough to drive away. Now I don't expect my ex to gush that it is my birthday but I remind you that I have the girls get a gift for him at every stinking holiday. Father's Day the girls picked out a Bible for him. He gets something for Valentine's Day, his birthday, St. Patrick's Day, and Christmas. I don't get him the gifts to make myself feel better. I know what it means to THE GIRLS that THEY give him a gift. They can hardly wait until he gets to the door so they can spring the gifts on him. That makes MY heart feel good. Yet each and every holiday I receive nothing. So this evening I watched the loves of my life drive down the street on my birthday feeling pretty damn empty. My life was driving away on the day that is supposed to celebrate my life.
So I picked up dinner for myself and went to the Family Dollar store. I had to pick up some bathroom cleaner. Yay me. I had no reason to rush home so I just walked up and down each aisle taking my time. Kinda nice to do that. Then I saw that they now carry wall quote decals. I love quotes. I have them all over my kitchen, dining room, and living room. Quotes constantly remind me of what I need to treasure in my family; in God. And lo and behold there was a Godwink sitting there. A decal with my favorite Bible verse:
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" ~Philippians 4:13
Just a little reminder that, although I am sitting by myself on my birthday, I can do anything through Christ.
So tonight I am savoring the quiet time to be introspective. I'll work hard to not dwell on the fact that my children are gone for the week. I'll use this time to finish up the organizational kick I'm on. I'll help my friends get their house ready before they leave for Russia to bring home their new son and daughter. I'll relax. I'll meditate and pray. I'll enjoy the quiet. I'll try at least.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
I'm not a Magician
I just hollered that at my children this evening. Tonight I can't handle one more problem. I am officially spent. My financial worries have, of course, been in the back of my mind. I received so much help to catch up that I am overwhelmed by friends' generosity. That helps to remove a lot of my stress. I still don't get why people want to help. I am grateful for the Blessings God has given me through others.
Yet tonight I am officially spent.
Here's how this week has gone. I took the girls to a magic show on Monday at the library. The girls enjoyed it and Brigid got to help the magician do a magic trick. ((a little foreshadowing)) I'm still trying to maintain the apartment so there was some laundry catch up and cleaning. We went swimming at our apartment pool.
Tuesday was my fabulous unemployment orientation class. 3 plus hours of learning how to be unemployed taught by a man who looked and acted suspiciously like cousin Eddy from the Vacation movie. I then went to my nut doctor to pick up my meds. You know, when you are crazy you need some help to get through things. I had to kill 45 minutes waiting for the nurse to come back from lunch so I kicked around Burlington Coat Factory looking at things I can't buy. We went swimming again. This time Megs wanted to spend the night with a friend in our complex so I said ok.
The rest of the evening was kinda like the If You Give a Mouse a Cookie series of books. If Momma spends time outside she'll need allergy medicine. If she takes allergy medicine it will make her tired. If she is tired she'll want to go to bed early. If she goes to bed early she will fall asleep. If she falls asleep the phone will ring. It will be her daughter on the other end crying because she watched a scary movie at said friend's house and wants to come home. When the daughter comes home she'll want to sleep in bed with you. If she sleeps in bed with you it will cause insomnia. When Momma gets up she will kill two hours on the computer looking at friends' vacation pics. If she stays up long enough her allergies will kick in and she'll need to take some allergy medicine. If she takes allergy medicine she will fall asleep.
So now we are on fabulous Wednesday and Abby's therapy appointment. I had to take all 4 kiddos with me this time. The girls' Dad showed up. So I got to spend an entire hour cooped up in a small room with my ex, 4 kids, and the therapist. Wee. By the end of the hour I was so frustrated that I asked that the next session be with just Megan and I and that the girls' Dad can come on his own with the girls. I've been divorced for SEVEN years. I don't want to go to family therapy with my ex. BTDT. It didn't work the other times we tried it. Why would it work when I'm not even married to him anymore. My favorite comment of the year was when he actually said he understood why I needed breaks sometimes because he needs breaks from the girls. Excuse me?? You get FOUR days out of the month with them and sometimes 2 hours on Wed. evening and you need a break? Try doing two weeks in a row without a break and then we'll talk. I don't usually talk about my ex on here in a negative way but that just royally pissed me off. I don't think he could do two weeks in a row. Most of the weekends in the summer he brings them back after 36 whopping hours. What do you call the 26 DAYS a month you don't have the kids???
DUDE!! THAT'S YOUR BREAK!!!
A friend sent us money to use for something fun, some for bills, and the rest for school supplies. So I took the girls to see Snow White and the Huntsman. We went to the 10:45 a.m. showing so we only paid $5 a ticket. Much cheaper than if we went any other time. We were almost late because the ex would not stop talking in the therapy appt. Megan started out crabby when she found out she was going to have to go to a therapy meeting with just her Dad. So that made her grouchy the entire day. After the movie we went to Bob Evans so we could use the birthday coupons the girls got. So that's FOUR free meals. All I had to pay for was my meal and tip. Phew. We get home and the girls want to swim at the pool. This time we take the two sisters who live in our complex that Megan almost spent the night with on Tuesday. My girls managed to invite the sisters to spend the night. I said that was fine. I keep thinking that this is my girls' opportunity to have a fun filled summer too. After swimming, all the girls came home to pizza for dinner. It was the usual: cheese. Caroline is a vegetarian and Brigid and Megan won't eat anything but cheese. Well the two sisters got quite upset that it didn't have pepperoni on it and it wasn't thin crust so they refused to eat it. They wanted me to make something else for them. Now if this had been a dietary issue I would have made something else for them. In this house my girls know you eat what's served or you don't eat. I'm not a short order cook. The only times I make changes to the meal is to accommodate Caroline's vegetarianism or Abby's heartburn issues. Since I wouldn't make anything else, the girls left to go home. I was livid. Megan was so upset. To make her feel better I had her call another friend to come over. In the meantime the sisters' Mom called and was mortified at her children's behavior. I felt badly that she was upset but thankful that she called. I told her not to worry about it. Truly.
Fast forward to today (Thursday). I took 6 girls bowling today. www.kidsbowlfree.com allows you to register for 2 free games per day of bowling all summer long. It was a long drive down Dixie Hwy. to get to the place that offered the free games. 5 of the 6 girls had a blast! Me included!! I forgot how much fun bowling could be! Megs of course was such a crab that I wouldn't buy all kinds of food at the bowling alley that she bitched and complained the entire time. I finally made her sit out for awhile. On the ride home, one of our guests got an upset tummy and threw up all over herself and my van. By the third vomit, I arrived at her Mom's house. Poor girl and poor Mom! The rest of us get home and get into our swimsuits for yet another swim. This time I left Megan at home. She was such a pill at bowling that I didn't want to reward her with something fun afterwords. What a disaster that turned out to be. Let's just say I'm not too proud of her behavior. After swimming we come home, the extra guest gets picked up, and I cook dinner.
I gotta tell ya. Just typing this has made me worn out. What the hell am I doing to myself? I can't provide everything for these girls all the time. I'm not a magician. I can't fix things for everyone. I can't make everyone happy. I can't be all things to everyone. I can't fix Caroline's bruised knee or itchy eyes. I can't fix Megan's mood swings or ever be enough for her. I can't video Brigid's audition for the Disney Channel competition on Shake It Up. I can't fix Abigail's pig tails or find her Mousey. I can't. I can't keep getting to 10 p.m. and then realize I haven't done a thing for myself except eat and go to the bathroom. I can't pull rabbits out of hats or scarves out of my mouth. I can't make things disappear or reappear. I can't mend broken friendships or fix someone's hurt from the divorce. I can't make my ex a part of THIS family anymore. I can't. I know I'm supposed to look at things positively and look on the bright side. But what if the bright side isn't so bright? What if the magic isn't there to keep running at full speed all day long everyday? Do other parents feel this way? Is this just a single parent thing?
I know I will get up tomorrow and jump into my day just like I do every other day. It's with the hope that just this day, this morning, this afternoon will be magical and I will be able to meet my children's every need and desire. That I will be enough for them. That God will guide me through my day and help me find the strength to keep going and not want to go screaming out the front door and never come back. There is that hope that this time I will be able to pull the rabbit out of the hat, that scarves will magically come out of my mouth, that I will make the quarter disappear and reappear out from behind my daughter's ear.
That my children will someday notice I put myself last and be appreciative of everything I've done for them.
Yet tonight I am officially spent.
Here's how this week has gone. I took the girls to a magic show on Monday at the library. The girls enjoyed it and Brigid got to help the magician do a magic trick. ((a little foreshadowing)) I'm still trying to maintain the apartment so there was some laundry catch up and cleaning. We went swimming at our apartment pool.
Tuesday was my fabulous unemployment orientation class. 3 plus hours of learning how to be unemployed taught by a man who looked and acted suspiciously like cousin Eddy from the Vacation movie. I then went to my nut doctor to pick up my meds. You know, when you are crazy you need some help to get through things. I had to kill 45 minutes waiting for the nurse to come back from lunch so I kicked around Burlington Coat Factory looking at things I can't buy. We went swimming again. This time Megs wanted to spend the night with a friend in our complex so I said ok.
The rest of the evening was kinda like the If You Give a Mouse a Cookie series of books. If Momma spends time outside she'll need allergy medicine. If she takes allergy medicine it will make her tired. If she is tired she'll want to go to bed early. If she goes to bed early she will fall asleep. If she falls asleep the phone will ring. It will be her daughter on the other end crying because she watched a scary movie at said friend's house and wants to come home. When the daughter comes home she'll want to sleep in bed with you. If she sleeps in bed with you it will cause insomnia. When Momma gets up she will kill two hours on the computer looking at friends' vacation pics. If she stays up long enough her allergies will kick in and she'll need to take some allergy medicine. If she takes allergy medicine she will fall asleep.
So now we are on fabulous Wednesday and Abby's therapy appointment. I had to take all 4 kiddos with me this time. The girls' Dad showed up. So I got to spend an entire hour cooped up in a small room with my ex, 4 kids, and the therapist. Wee. By the end of the hour I was so frustrated that I asked that the next session be with just Megan and I and that the girls' Dad can come on his own with the girls. I've been divorced for SEVEN years. I don't want to go to family therapy with my ex. BTDT. It didn't work the other times we tried it. Why would it work when I'm not even married to him anymore. My favorite comment of the year was when he actually said he understood why I needed breaks sometimes because he needs breaks from the girls. Excuse me?? You get FOUR days out of the month with them and sometimes 2 hours on Wed. evening and you need a break? Try doing two weeks in a row without a break and then we'll talk. I don't usually talk about my ex on here in a negative way but that just royally pissed me off. I don't think he could do two weeks in a row. Most of the weekends in the summer he brings them back after 36 whopping hours. What do you call the 26 DAYS a month you don't have the kids???
DUDE!! THAT'S YOUR BREAK!!!
A friend sent us money to use for something fun, some for bills, and the rest for school supplies. So I took the girls to see Snow White and the Huntsman. We went to the 10:45 a.m. showing so we only paid $5 a ticket. Much cheaper than if we went any other time. We were almost late because the ex would not stop talking in the therapy appt. Megan started out crabby when she found out she was going to have to go to a therapy meeting with just her Dad. So that made her grouchy the entire day. After the movie we went to Bob Evans so we could use the birthday coupons the girls got. So that's FOUR free meals. All I had to pay for was my meal and tip. Phew. We get home and the girls want to swim at the pool. This time we take the two sisters who live in our complex that Megan almost spent the night with on Tuesday. My girls managed to invite the sisters to spend the night. I said that was fine. I keep thinking that this is my girls' opportunity to have a fun filled summer too. After swimming, all the girls came home to pizza for dinner. It was the usual: cheese. Caroline is a vegetarian and Brigid and Megan won't eat anything but cheese. Well the two sisters got quite upset that it didn't have pepperoni on it and it wasn't thin crust so they refused to eat it. They wanted me to make something else for them. Now if this had been a dietary issue I would have made something else for them. In this house my girls know you eat what's served or you don't eat. I'm not a short order cook. The only times I make changes to the meal is to accommodate Caroline's vegetarianism or Abby's heartburn issues. Since I wouldn't make anything else, the girls left to go home. I was livid. Megan was so upset. To make her feel better I had her call another friend to come over. In the meantime the sisters' Mom called and was mortified at her children's behavior. I felt badly that she was upset but thankful that she called. I told her not to worry about it. Truly.
Fast forward to today (Thursday). I took 6 girls bowling today. www.kidsbowlfree.com allows you to register for 2 free games per day of bowling all summer long. It was a long drive down Dixie Hwy. to get to the place that offered the free games. 5 of the 6 girls had a blast! Me included!! I forgot how much fun bowling could be! Megs of course was such a crab that I wouldn't buy all kinds of food at the bowling alley that she bitched and complained the entire time. I finally made her sit out for awhile. On the ride home, one of our guests got an upset tummy and threw up all over herself and my van. By the third vomit, I arrived at her Mom's house. Poor girl and poor Mom! The rest of us get home and get into our swimsuits for yet another swim. This time I left Megan at home. She was such a pill at bowling that I didn't want to reward her with something fun afterwords. What a disaster that turned out to be. Let's just say I'm not too proud of her behavior. After swimming we come home, the extra guest gets picked up, and I cook dinner.
I gotta tell ya. Just typing this has made me worn out. What the hell am I doing to myself? I can't provide everything for these girls all the time. I'm not a magician. I can't fix things for everyone. I can't make everyone happy. I can't be all things to everyone. I can't fix Caroline's bruised knee or itchy eyes. I can't fix Megan's mood swings or ever be enough for her. I can't video Brigid's audition for the Disney Channel competition on Shake It Up. I can't fix Abigail's pig tails or find her Mousey. I can't. I can't keep getting to 10 p.m. and then realize I haven't done a thing for myself except eat and go to the bathroom. I can't pull rabbits out of hats or scarves out of my mouth. I can't make things disappear or reappear. I can't mend broken friendships or fix someone's hurt from the divorce. I can't make my ex a part of THIS family anymore. I can't. I know I'm supposed to look at things positively and look on the bright side. But what if the bright side isn't so bright? What if the magic isn't there to keep running at full speed all day long everyday? Do other parents feel this way? Is this just a single parent thing?
I know I will get up tomorrow and jump into my day just like I do every other day. It's with the hope that just this day, this morning, this afternoon will be magical and I will be able to meet my children's every need and desire. That I will be enough for them. That God will guide me through my day and help me find the strength to keep going and not want to go screaming out the front door and never come back. There is that hope that this time I will be able to pull the rabbit out of the hat, that scarves will magically come out of my mouth, that I will make the quarter disappear and reappear out from behind my daughter's ear.
That my children will someday notice I put myself last and be appreciative of everything I've done for them.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Many Thanks
I am once again finding myself in the position of expressing my extreme gratitude. Not a bad position to be in at all! I'm about $100 off from my rent right now. I'm going to get help for my LG&E bill at noon so I'm only a few bills behind at this point. I can't thank everyone enough who offered help and were able to provide help. I'm also very grateful for those who offered support and prayers. Everything helps. Everything.
I can't very often provide financial support but I'm willing to offer my time, talent, and prayers for those who need help. Always.
For those still interested in helping my paypal account is under my email address: k.harrigan@insightbb.com
Thanks again for your support. It means more to me (and my girls) than I can ever express.
I can't very often provide financial support but I'm willing to offer my time, talent, and prayers for those who need help. Always.
For those still interested in helping my paypal account is under my email address: k.harrigan@insightbb.com
Thanks again for your support. It means more to me (and my girls) than I can ever express.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Embarrassment and Help
If my parents were still around I would have gone to them for help. But they are gone. I think the only time I've used the internet for financial help was when my van died and I needed a new one. And that wasn't necessarily started up by me but by a wonderful triplet Mom friend who I will always be eternally grateful to. So it is with much embarrassment and humiliation that I now ask for help. Unemployment still hasn't kicked in but for one week and I'm now 4 weeks out from being laid off. I do have a job to go to in August but that leaves me being stuck for right now. My rent at the latest is due on the 15th and I don't have it. I'm behind on my car payment, LG&E and car insurance with my car tags renewing this month. That makes me about $1300-$1400 behind. I have a paypal account set up because in the past I used it for things on ebay. Some wonderful friends donated some a few weeks back that helped me pay for some things but I am desperate. If you are able to help my paypal account is under my email address: k.harrigan@insightbb.com
If you feel offended by this request, that is fine and I'm sorry. But I need help.
I'm tired of living this way. I'm tired of needing help. I worked my ass off to get us to where we are at but this setback is hard. I'm hoping to turn things around. I'm working to turn things around. In the meantime I need help and if you are able to give it I would appreciate it. If you feel more comfortable writing a check directly to my bill then I will forward that information to you. I'm not asking for vacation money, or party money or for my nails. This is survival money for us to catch up and keep rolling until I start my job in August.
Thanks in and advance.
Kristina
If you feel offended by this request, that is fine and I'm sorry. But I need help.
I'm tired of living this way. I'm tired of needing help. I worked my ass off to get us to where we are at but this setback is hard. I'm hoping to turn things around. I'm working to turn things around. In the meantime I need help and if you are able to give it I would appreciate it. If you feel more comfortable writing a check directly to my bill then I will forward that information to you. I'm not asking for vacation money, or party money or for my nails. This is survival money for us to catch up and keep rolling until I start my job in August.
Thanks in and advance.
Kristina
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Petey the best guard dog ever...
Ok not really. I took him to Shively Animal Clinic this morning finally. The Humane Society sorta recommended them because they truly are the cheapest place in town. I got there around 10:30 a.m. and didn't get home until almost 2. They don't take appointments so I had to sit in the waiting room for all that time. I had my cell phone and Megan's Nook with me so that helped to keep me occupied. It's a good thing she had Twilight's Eclipse on there because I got through a lot of it. It's completely different from the movie and I wonder if I'm actually reading the right thing. While I was reading, Petey sat in my lap for over two hours. He was too afraid to get down on the floor. He sat and shook the entire visit. He shook so hard he was actually making me look like I was shaking too. I was afraid he was going to have a heart attack. Poor dog. I figure if something awful ever happens, Petey will be sitting in my lap instead of defending me. Such a baby!
So after all that fun and $83.50 later, Petey has what most likely is considered a skin allergy. Thank goodness it wasn't mange. I was afraid of that. He got a cortisone shot, cortisone pills, and anti-fungal in case it's something else, antibiotics, and an allergy pill. Wee. If this doesn't work it's quite possible it's an autoimmune deficiency. Praying it's not that. My girls (read Megan) have been through so damn much that I hate to think it will be anything that could possibly cause us to loose him early.
I'm figuring at this point that I need to just win the lottery. Unemployment hasn't kicked in yet and it's been a month already. The funds are rapidly decreasing. Petey's visit today was not what I needed but I also couldn't have that poor dog losing more fur and being miserable. So shit. August can't come soon enough. I just need to get through 3 months to survive. Unless I win the lottery. Or unless I find Prince Charming and he marries me like tomorrow.
I really hate writing about my money issues. I'm sure people are saying I shouldn't have gone on that trip to Florida. I wish I hadn't gone on that trip. I know I should have put that money aside for something else and I didn't. I'm thinking I'm just not the kind of person that should vacation. I just really wanted to give my girls something special that they see all their friends doing all the time. We've been so tight and frugal with things and I desperately wanted to let my sister's ashes go on a beach in Florida. My heart was in the right place. It really was. It's just that my damn pocketbook is rarely in the right place. Ugh.
This afternoon a friend is having a 50th birthday party for her husband. That will at least be a bright spot in my day. Well that and hearing that Petey is most likely going to be ok. Did you see that Kate? I put Bill right on the same level as Petey. Bill must be loved.
Happy 50th!!!!!
So after all that fun and $83.50 later, Petey has what most likely is considered a skin allergy. Thank goodness it wasn't mange. I was afraid of that. He got a cortisone shot, cortisone pills, and anti-fungal in case it's something else, antibiotics, and an allergy pill. Wee. If this doesn't work it's quite possible it's an autoimmune deficiency. Praying it's not that. My girls (read Megan) have been through so damn much that I hate to think it will be anything that could possibly cause us to loose him early.
I'm figuring at this point that I need to just win the lottery. Unemployment hasn't kicked in yet and it's been a month already. The funds are rapidly decreasing. Petey's visit today was not what I needed but I also couldn't have that poor dog losing more fur and being miserable. So shit. August can't come soon enough. I just need to get through 3 months to survive. Unless I win the lottery. Or unless I find Prince Charming and he marries me like tomorrow.
I really hate writing about my money issues. I'm sure people are saying I shouldn't have gone on that trip to Florida. I wish I hadn't gone on that trip. I know I should have put that money aside for something else and I didn't. I'm thinking I'm just not the kind of person that should vacation. I just really wanted to give my girls something special that they see all their friends doing all the time. We've been so tight and frugal with things and I desperately wanted to let my sister's ashes go on a beach in Florida. My heart was in the right place. It really was. It's just that my damn pocketbook is rarely in the right place. Ugh.
This afternoon a friend is having a 50th birthday party for her husband. That will at least be a bright spot in my day. Well that and hearing that Petey is most likely going to be ok. Did you see that Kate? I put Bill right on the same level as Petey. Bill must be loved.
Happy 50th!!!!!
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Why I don't like hugs
I'm hoping this doesn't sound like a whine. I don't intend it to be but I'm going to sound like some kind of anti-social nut. I don't like hugs. I give them out a lot. I like to GIVE hugs. Not receive hugs. I hug my children all the time. I hugged the kiddos at the preschool I was employed at. I've briefly hugged friends and co-workers. I don't have a problem with giving out hugs. I just don't want to receive one.
My Mother was an amazing giver of hugs. It's been 8 long years without a hug from my Mom and I miss that. When you don't get hugs often it makes it hard to receive one. And I'm afraid I'm going to get a hug like my Mom's and then the flood gates will open. And I mean open. I'll start bawling like nobody's business. Let's face it. I'm a single Mom without any close family. I don't have a partner. So I don't GET hugs. My ex used to give me hugs that would allow me to drop all my defenses and just let everything go. Just like my Mom. Well-meaning friends have given me hugs and while I appreciate those hugs I tend to accept them rather stiffly. Makes it easier to hold things in. And I have to hold things in. I have to hold it together. If I don't then this family doesn't survive. So I hold it in.
Please don't read this and immediately think you have to give me a hug. I'm not looking for one. Really not. Just be aware that I'm not thrilled to get one.
And in other Harrigan news...
Megan made the honor roll for the year at her middle school. First year in middle school in an AP math/science/technology program and the kid makes the honor roll. I am so proud of how easy it comes to her. I might also add that I know have THREE children in the AP program out of 4. This single Mom who works full time, doesn't like hugs, and pretty much does it on her own, has three kids in AP. I don't think I'm doing too badly. The 4th kid struggles a bit. I know she is smart but she has a hard time allowing her smarts to come out on paper. She has so many other things going for her. She is a social butterfly and let me tell you that kid can sing. I mean really hold a note and stay with the melody of any song she sings.
So there is my brag for the night.
Otherwise not much going on in the world of Harrigans.
My Mother was an amazing giver of hugs. It's been 8 long years without a hug from my Mom and I miss that. When you don't get hugs often it makes it hard to receive one. And I'm afraid I'm going to get a hug like my Mom's and then the flood gates will open. And I mean open. I'll start bawling like nobody's business. Let's face it. I'm a single Mom without any close family. I don't have a partner. So I don't GET hugs. My ex used to give me hugs that would allow me to drop all my defenses and just let everything go. Just like my Mom. Well-meaning friends have given me hugs and while I appreciate those hugs I tend to accept them rather stiffly. Makes it easier to hold things in. And I have to hold things in. I have to hold it together. If I don't then this family doesn't survive. So I hold it in.
Please don't read this and immediately think you have to give me a hug. I'm not looking for one. Really not. Just be aware that I'm not thrilled to get one.
And in other Harrigan news...
Megan made the honor roll for the year at her middle school. First year in middle school in an AP math/science/technology program and the kid makes the honor roll. I am so proud of how easy it comes to her. I might also add that I know have THREE children in the AP program out of 4. This single Mom who works full time, doesn't like hugs, and pretty much does it on her own, has three kids in AP. I don't think I'm doing too badly. The 4th kid struggles a bit. I know she is smart but she has a hard time allowing her smarts to come out on paper. She has so many other things going for her. She is a social butterfly and let me tell you that kid can sing. I mean really hold a note and stay with the melody of any song she sings.
So there is my brag for the night.
Otherwise not much going on in the world of Harrigans.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Why do I keep this stuff?
I'm trying to take advantage of the time off and put it to good use in this apartment. When we had to leave my house 3 years ago I simply packed a bunch of stuff without taking the time to go through any of my crap. Which means when I moved from my first apartment to the one we are in now, I brought more crap with us. I've been tackling one project after another as far as paperwork is concerned. Like I said previously: paperwork and laundry are two areas that I fall woefully behind in. 7 bags of trash and two boxes later, I'm making a dent. Today I cleaned and purged the filing cabinet and my desk. It feels good to get it organized. I've only cleaned out about half of what was under my bed. I have one of those beds that you need a step stool to get up in so I can stack a ton of crap under there.
I finally tackled my honeymoon box.
Yes you read that right. My honeymoon box.
I kept every boarding pass, ticket, and souvenir possible from our honeymoon cruise. Even kept every wedding card we got. I'm not sure why after 7 years of being single and more than 15 years since our honeymoon that I kept all of it. At first it was just too painful to go through. Then, after time, I would look through it wistfully thinking about how happy my ex and I had been. When I tried to throw anything away I felt like I was somehow dishonoring everything we went through as a couple. If I threw it away then it felt like I was somehow saying our marriage was a throw away marriage. Monday I finally opened the box and got rid of everything. I kept the cards from my Mom and Dad, my sister and brother. And that was it. It felt good to let everything go. I still have the memories and the pictures. I just don't need a boarding pass to remind me of what a wonderful time in my life my honeymoon was.
Some good things have happened this week as well. On Tuesday we went to help a friend work on her house remodel. She and her husband and daughter are adopting a brother and sister from Russia. They go to bring them home in about 3 weeks so it's crunch time in getting the house ready. I'm so excited for them!! They are great parents and I just love their daughter. We have started calling her the 5th Harrigan girl. I can hardly wait to meet their new son and daughter. What a wonderful family! We had so many people help us when we were trying to adopt Megan that I feel like I'm paying it forward. Plus I think it is really good for all of my girls to see the excitement while waiting for an adoption to finalize. They get to see first hand what it was like for my ex and I while we were waiting for Megan.
Tuesday evening I took all 5 Harrigan girls to the planetarium to see Venus cross between the Earth and the Sun. I loved it! I loved the excitement of everyone around us and plus I'm a space nerd who loves that stuff. The 4 year old was lovely and enjoyed herself right down to dinner at Taco Bell. The other 4 were board to tears. How did I not pass on my space nerdism to my children???
Wednesday my ex came and took the girls to dinner. In my excitement in being alone for the first time in awhile, I jumped in my car and went to Goodwill. I dropped some things off and wanted to find a small shelf for my living room organization. As I was looking around I turned a corner and there stands....
Megan Harrigan with her Dad and sisters!
Even in my effort to get away I somehow ended up being in the exact same place as my children. Must be Mom radar. I pity my children when they start dating. I'll be able to sense where they are at at all times. :)
Oh and the other piece of goodness: I'm the new infant teacher at Adath Jeshurun Preschool! This is an awesome place to work. It offers benefits, some retirement, and some of the most amazing early childhood educators out there. I'm Blessed beyond belief that I will be working there. I start in August.
That's about it on the homefront. I'm sure there will be more exciting stuff coming up. There always is!
I finally tackled my honeymoon box.
Yes you read that right. My honeymoon box.
I kept every boarding pass, ticket, and souvenir possible from our honeymoon cruise. Even kept every wedding card we got. I'm not sure why after 7 years of being single and more than 15 years since our honeymoon that I kept all of it. At first it was just too painful to go through. Then, after time, I would look through it wistfully thinking about how happy my ex and I had been. When I tried to throw anything away I felt like I was somehow dishonoring everything we went through as a couple. If I threw it away then it felt like I was somehow saying our marriage was a throw away marriage. Monday I finally opened the box and got rid of everything. I kept the cards from my Mom and Dad, my sister and brother. And that was it. It felt good to let everything go. I still have the memories and the pictures. I just don't need a boarding pass to remind me of what a wonderful time in my life my honeymoon was.
Some good things have happened this week as well. On Tuesday we went to help a friend work on her house remodel. She and her husband and daughter are adopting a brother and sister from Russia. They go to bring them home in about 3 weeks so it's crunch time in getting the house ready. I'm so excited for them!! They are great parents and I just love their daughter. We have started calling her the 5th Harrigan girl. I can hardly wait to meet their new son and daughter. What a wonderful family! We had so many people help us when we were trying to adopt Megan that I feel like I'm paying it forward. Plus I think it is really good for all of my girls to see the excitement while waiting for an adoption to finalize. They get to see first hand what it was like for my ex and I while we were waiting for Megan.
Tuesday evening I took all 5 Harrigan girls to the planetarium to see Venus cross between the Earth and the Sun. I loved it! I loved the excitement of everyone around us and plus I'm a space nerd who loves that stuff. The 4 year old was lovely and enjoyed herself right down to dinner at Taco Bell. The other 4 were board to tears. How did I not pass on my space nerdism to my children???
Wednesday my ex came and took the girls to dinner. In my excitement in being alone for the first time in awhile, I jumped in my car and went to Goodwill. I dropped some things off and wanted to find a small shelf for my living room organization. As I was looking around I turned a corner and there stands....
Megan Harrigan with her Dad and sisters!
Even in my effort to get away I somehow ended up being in the exact same place as my children. Must be Mom radar. I pity my children when they start dating. I'll be able to sense where they are at at all times. :)
Oh and the other piece of goodness: I'm the new infant teacher at Adath Jeshurun Preschool! This is an awesome place to work. It offers benefits, some retirement, and some of the most amazing early childhood educators out there. I'm Blessed beyond belief that I will be working there. I start in August.
That's about it on the homefront. I'm sure there will be more exciting stuff coming up. There always is!
Thursday, May 31, 2012
You actually EAT at your dining room table?
I spent the entire day cleaning house today. I'm tired. I need to tackle the upstairs and dining room. Because you know, I'm going to end up on that damn TV show. The dining room is overflowing with laundry again. We can't even use the dining room table to eat because there is so much clean laundry on it. When I win the lottery I'm getting a super duper high end laundry room with loads of counter space to stack all the clothing on that I never have the time (or energy) to fold. Just picture the conversation in my house on any given day:
"Mom where's the underwear?" "Check the dining room table."
"Mom I can't find shorts!!" "Check the dining room table."
Because of course that is the first place every person looks for clean underwear right?
If you were to come into my house you would notice a few things. Well other than my unbelievable beauty. The first thing you would notice is my paperwork run amok. I suck at keeping it organized.
The second thing you would notice is that none of our laundry is actually in closets or drawers. It's in baskets and where else?? The dining room table!!!!
I have tried all sorts of methods for keeping laundry organized and haven't been successful with any of them. I tried having the girls help out but after the last few times I had Abby and Brigid help I was finding laundry stashed in all sorts of interesting places. Like, you know, the linen closet and their drawers. Not a problem you ask? Oh yes it is. I can't seem to put laundry away but I'll be damned if laundry is going to be put away IN THE WRONG DRAWERS. Why bother putting it away if you can't find it?
Just go to the dining room table. It's always there.
"Mom where's the underwear?" "Check the dining room table."
"Mom I can't find shorts!!" "Check the dining room table."
Because of course that is the first place every person looks for clean underwear right?
If you were to come into my house you would notice a few things. Well other than my unbelievable beauty. The first thing you would notice is my paperwork run amok. I suck at keeping it organized.
The second thing you would notice is that none of our laundry is actually in closets or drawers. It's in baskets and where else?? The dining room table!!!!
I have tried all sorts of methods for keeping laundry organized and haven't been successful with any of them. I tried having the girls help out but after the last few times I had Abby and Brigid help I was finding laundry stashed in all sorts of interesting places. Like, you know, the linen closet and their drawers. Not a problem you ask? Oh yes it is. I can't seem to put laundry away but I'll be damned if laundry is going to be put away IN THE WRONG DRAWERS. Why bother putting it away if you can't find it?
Just go to the dining room table. It's always there.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Last Day of School 2012
I now have a 7th grader and three 4th graders living in my house. I can hardly believe it. It just doesn't seem right that my girls are getting older. I keep thinking in 2 years I will have a high schooler and middle schoolers. I'm not ready! The trio had a celebration at their school today. There teacher, Mrs. E aka Mrs. Frizzle, is one of THE best teachers out there. Not only was she Megan's 4th grade teacher, she was also a co-worker. I've seen her from both sides and there is no one quite like her.
I did not attend anything at Megan's school today. It seems like with her being in middle school that I am missing out on what is going on. We've gone from a wonderful school like Field where I know the teachers to a school where I basically know no one. I miss that connection.
The last day of school in my mind was always just the best day ever. No homework, no stress, nothing but fun, fun, fun. My girls went off to school today looking like it was the first day of school at a military base. Solemn faces, slow walking, quiet. And weird. It was a total let down for ME! I have the opportunity to try and stay home. I have fun plans for the girls! Relaxation. The pool. Friends. What the heck is wrong with them?????
I think if it weren't for the homework, my girls would totally love school! Megan, Caroline, and Brigid are just so damn good at it!!! Definitely my kids. (Yes I was great at school. Why do you think I became a teacher?) Abby struggles at it but managed to bring up her grades this semester and is almost on grade level. Her joy of school comes from the oodles and oodles of friends she has.
When they were little and my Dad was still alive (so that puts the girls at 4 and 1) he gave his predictions of what he thought the girls would be like in school. He had them all pegged right. He said that Megan would do well no matter what was put in front of her because she was so determined and driven. He said that when Abby got off the bus she would be surrounded by friends and be the social butterfly. True. He said that Brigid would have her own unique group of friends who were smart and somewhat nerdy. Think Bardstown Rd. and that she would find her own path home from the bus. He said that Caroline would be the first one off the bus and race home to be with me. True, true, true, true. Weird that he could see that when they were so little.
So I am faced with a summer at home with 4 children who seem less than enthusiastic about the prospect. I even let them stay up to watch the end of America's Next Top Model and So You Think You Can Dance. Still no excitement.
Yay me.
This may turn out to be a very lllooooonnnnggggg summer.
I did not attend anything at Megan's school today. It seems like with her being in middle school that I am missing out on what is going on. We've gone from a wonderful school like Field where I know the teachers to a school where I basically know no one. I miss that connection.
The last day of school in my mind was always just the best day ever. No homework, no stress, nothing but fun, fun, fun. My girls went off to school today looking like it was the first day of school at a military base. Solemn faces, slow walking, quiet. And weird. It was a total let down for ME! I have the opportunity to try and stay home. I have fun plans for the girls! Relaxation. The pool. Friends. What the heck is wrong with them?????
I think if it weren't for the homework, my girls would totally love school! Megan, Caroline, and Brigid are just so damn good at it!!! Definitely my kids. (Yes I was great at school. Why do you think I became a teacher?) Abby struggles at it but managed to bring up her grades this semester and is almost on grade level. Her joy of school comes from the oodles and oodles of friends she has.
When they were little and my Dad was still alive (so that puts the girls at 4 and 1) he gave his predictions of what he thought the girls would be like in school. He had them all pegged right. He said that Megan would do well no matter what was put in front of her because she was so determined and driven. He said that when Abby got off the bus she would be surrounded by friends and be the social butterfly. True. He said that Brigid would have her own unique group of friends who were smart and somewhat nerdy. Think Bardstown Rd. and that she would find her own path home from the bus. He said that Caroline would be the first one off the bus and race home to be with me. True, true, true, true. Weird that he could see that when they were so little.
So I am faced with a summer at home with 4 children who seem less than enthusiastic about the prospect. I even let them stay up to watch the end of America's Next Top Model and So You Think You Can Dance. Still no excitement.
Yay me.
This may turn out to be a very lllooooonnnnggggg summer.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Back at it
Oddly enough I'm being asked to blog again. Not exactly sure why. I often feel like I am a trainwreck of epic proportions. Perhaps that is why people want to read. Just to see what crazy things will happen next. Sometimes I get so damn full of myself that I have to stop blogging and get a handle on myself. Sometimes there is just so much to blog about I don't know where to start. But let's start with this:
You know that moment of clarity in your life where you know exactly what it is you want to do with your life? Yeah that hasn't happened yet. (There ya go Kate.) I got laid off from my job two weeks ago. To say that it has shaken me to my core is an understatement. I devoted so much of my time, energy, and dare I say talent to that place and to have it all end so very quickly has me a bit frazzled. The long and short of it is the new owners eliminated my position and got rid of management.
So here I sit.
I've had 3 interviews already and am actually sitting back a little bit and trying to decide what I want to do with my life. No I can't teach for the public school system. I've quit twice. Bad life decisions. I admit that. In the meantime my teaching certificate has expired and it requires me to back to school to renew it. That, of course, costs money I don't have. Plus I LIKE preschool. Always have. LOVE the age group. So I'll continue looking. Right now I'm going to enjoy the summer with the girls. I had pushed the girls to the back so to speak in order to devote so much of me to that job. Now I get to focus on them. I started back in April with a trip to New Smyrna Beach, Florida. Why there you ask? One of my sister's favorite beaches. We let her ashes go on the beach on Easter Sunday at sundown:
After that we swam, relaxed, and basically enjoyed ourselves. Yep. We made it.
The view from our room:
Bingo and Caroline:
I had time to read Breaking Dawn:
Megan and Brigid participated in the hula hoop contest:
Abby after the egg hunt:
That's Brigid and Abby with the noodles in the pool and this is the resort we stayed at:
Even the Easter bunny came! What a way to spend Easter:
Abby on the beach:
Brigid and Megan bodyboarding:
More Brigid and Megan:
Caroline:
Brigid and Caroline climbing on the play equipment after lunch:
It was a wonderful week and I was proud of myself for both having the money to do this and for driving the girls down and back by myself. I was also proud of the girls for being such great travelers and being such great sports about going down there and having to penny pinch. We did a lot of dinners at restaurants that had kids eat free deals and then ate in our room which had a full kitchen.
During the 5 months I haven't blogged, pretty much everything has stayed the same. Well other than getting laid off. I managed to piss off a couple of friends. Apparently I am good at that. A former co-worker once told me I was way to blunt for my own good. I just have learned in the years since my divorce, to use my voice. I hate pussyfooting. Hate it. I expect to be treated that way too. Tell me to my face what I'm doing wrong or right.
Oh and for Mother's Day I got a kitten. So if you are keeping track that is 4 kids and 4 pets. I think I'll stop for awhile. Although Ali has pointed out that me being me I'll probably end up with someone dropping off their kid on my doorstep. And that will be ok. I've learned in my life that life has a way of working itself out. I say repeatedly that my faith in God and the Grace He provides me allows me to get through everything. It's been a long amazing journey so far. Some really bad; mostly good. I'll keep plugging through.
But for now...I gotta find the inside of this apartment. It's bordering on hoarders here.
You know that moment of clarity in your life where you know exactly what it is you want to do with your life? Yeah that hasn't happened yet. (There ya go Kate.) I got laid off from my job two weeks ago. To say that it has shaken me to my core is an understatement. I devoted so much of my time, energy, and dare I say talent to that place and to have it all end so very quickly has me a bit frazzled. The long and short of it is the new owners eliminated my position and got rid of management.
So here I sit.
I've had 3 interviews already and am actually sitting back a little bit and trying to decide what I want to do with my life. No I can't teach for the public school system. I've quit twice. Bad life decisions. I admit that. In the meantime my teaching certificate has expired and it requires me to back to school to renew it. That, of course, costs money I don't have. Plus I LIKE preschool. Always have. LOVE the age group. So I'll continue looking. Right now I'm going to enjoy the summer with the girls. I had pushed the girls to the back so to speak in order to devote so much of me to that job. Now I get to focus on them. I started back in April with a trip to New Smyrna Beach, Florida. Why there you ask? One of my sister's favorite beaches. We let her ashes go on the beach on Easter Sunday at sundown:
After that we swam, relaxed, and basically enjoyed ourselves. Yep. We made it.
Megan and Brigid participated in the hula hoop contest:
Abby after the egg hunt:
That's Brigid and Abby with the noodles in the pool and this is the resort we stayed at:
Even the Easter bunny came! What a way to spend Easter:
Abby on the beach:
Brigid and Megan bodyboarding:
More Brigid and Megan:
Caroline:
Brigid and Caroline climbing on the play equipment after lunch:
It was a wonderful week and I was proud of myself for both having the money to do this and for driving the girls down and back by myself. I was also proud of the girls for being such great travelers and being such great sports about going down there and having to penny pinch. We did a lot of dinners at restaurants that had kids eat free deals and then ate in our room which had a full kitchen.
During the 5 months I haven't blogged, pretty much everything has stayed the same. Well other than getting laid off. I managed to piss off a couple of friends. Apparently I am good at that. A former co-worker once told me I was way to blunt for my own good. I just have learned in the years since my divorce, to use my voice. I hate pussyfooting. Hate it. I expect to be treated that way too. Tell me to my face what I'm doing wrong or right.
Oh and for Mother's Day I got a kitten. So if you are keeping track that is 4 kids and 4 pets. I think I'll stop for awhile. Although Ali has pointed out that me being me I'll probably end up with someone dropping off their kid on my doorstep. And that will be ok. I've learned in my life that life has a way of working itself out. I say repeatedly that my faith in God and the Grace He provides me allows me to get through everything. It's been a long amazing journey so far. Some really bad; mostly good. I'll keep plugging through.
But for now...I gotta find the inside of this apartment. It's bordering on hoarders here.
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